When I heard the news today that a gunman had opened fire on an elementary school, my heart sank, then it shattered, then it beat out of my chest until I wanted to throw up. I cannot begin to imagine the immense pain and grief all of the parents in Newtown are experiencing. When I think about them, I cannot help crying. When I see those little faces I cannot breathe. When I see the parents clutching their safe children, I loose it. Those faces could be the faces of my babies.
I drop off my children at school everyday with expectations that they will be safe. We all do as parents. How something so horrible could happen to our most precious, is unfathomable. As I write this, there are still so many questions, so much more information to come out, but what we all know is that something like this should never have happened.
It took everything in my power not to race to school, just to hug my babies. I almost never leave them without a hug and a kiss, but today they were engrossed in work, and oblivious to me calling them over for a hug and kiss, so I waved blew them kisses for my own heart, and I left. What if that was the last time I ever saw my boys alive?
As I waited for pick up time, I grew anxious. I couldn't wait to hold those boys in my arms again.
Making a conscious decision not to discuss this with the boys, we just went on with our day, dinner, hockey practice, bath, and then at bed time...I think it was Ryan, but I could be wrong, suggested a family cuddle, out of the blue. Not just Mommy! he said, but Mommy, Daddy, and the whole family.
After a day like today, it was the perfect suggestion. The four of us, and the two cats, jumped into bed for the best cuddle of my life.
Hold them close, Hold them close.
Friday, December 14, 2012
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Growing up Foodie
I know I've talked about this before, but raising foodie kids has its upside and its downside.
I know that I did this to myself. I encourage my children to try anything and everything! I take huge pride in the fact that my kids love the obscure, the non-traditional kids fare. I do also remember a time when all I could get them to eat was crunchy food or hot dogs.
Last night, while playing for legos, waiting for me to finish dinner Ryan calls out from the other room
"Mom! Can I have some cucumbers and garlic aioli?" I know, If you had a nickle for every time you heard that!!!
Tonight, running in from the other room, spying the sliced tomatoes on the cutting board, he sneaks in to snitch one.
While making soup the other day, Evan delights in the fact that I was putting Kale into the soup. "Oh, Yum, I LOVE kale!!!"
While ordering sushi, "don't forget the smelt roe!!!"
Just moments in my life when I can delight in the fact that my kids are growing up foodie.
Oh yeah, Downside? When I can spend $80 on sushi for the three of us. Or when they would prefer to eat at Urge Gastropub rather than Roundtable. Foodie kids are expensive, foodie teenagers? oh my!!!
I know that I did this to myself. I encourage my children to try anything and everything! I take huge pride in the fact that my kids love the obscure, the non-traditional kids fare. I do also remember a time when all I could get them to eat was crunchy food or hot dogs.
Last night, while playing for legos, waiting for me to finish dinner Ryan calls out from the other room
"Mom! Can I have some cucumbers and garlic aioli?" I know, If you had a nickle for every time you heard that!!!
Tonight, running in from the other room, spying the sliced tomatoes on the cutting board, he sneaks in to snitch one.
While making soup the other day, Evan delights in the fact that I was putting Kale into the soup. "Oh, Yum, I LOVE kale!!!"
While ordering sushi, "don't forget the smelt roe!!!"
Just moments in my life when I can delight in the fact that my kids are growing up foodie.
Oh yeah, Downside? When I can spend $80 on sushi for the three of us. Or when they would prefer to eat at Urge Gastropub rather than Roundtable. Foodie kids are expensive, foodie teenagers? oh my!!!
Sunday, October 28, 2012
My throat tightens a little just thinking about it.
A preemie mom friend of mine posted a link on Facebook to a blog of a preemie mom this week. The "Dear New NICU Mom" post was actually a post by another preemie mommy blogger. These Mommies are only about 3 years out from their NICU experience, and reading through their blogs, I can recall it all so very clearly. The absolute terror of RSV, the realization that they are all suffering PTSD, all of these things they blog about, or blogged about talking about? Been there, done that... but one paragraph in this post really stood out, and made me reflect on those NICU days, and where we are now.
"...And finally, know that you’re not alone. Some of the most therapeutic times are found in the NICU when moms begin to connect. Share stories with each other. As you begin talking, you’ll likely find that these women who you thought were so different from you, have now become the only ones who understand your heart. Don’t be afraid to talk to them. Chances are, they’ll appreciate knowing that they’re not the only ones feeling this way either."
I will forever be grateful to Lindsay and Jamie, who in the middle of the most terrifying time in THEIR lives, took the time to reach out to Scott and Me. I don't remember the words very well, I was in a Mag induced haze, but I remember the kindness in their faces, I remember the words, if you have questions, anything we can do to help, and we've been there. It was that moment, that simple act, that changed our NICU stay, and what we took away from it.
Because of what Lindsay and Jamie did, (and what Keri and Craig did for to start it all) and how much it meant to me, I reached out to Nina and Todd, and they reached out to Saffron and Juan, and they reached out to Katy and Scott, and because of that simple act, a community was formed. A support system of people who understood, understand.
In my volunteer work with new NICU moms, I always suggest getting to know their neighbors. I tell them how much it meant to me. How six and a half years later, I am friends with those people, our kids are friends, we still celebrate birthdays and milestones, and life together. I hope I stress enough just how important that connection is, was and will always be.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
BlogHer Book Club: Diary of a Submissive: A Modern True Tale of Sexual Awakening
Diary of a Submissive: A Modern True Tale of Sexual Awakening, by Sophie Morgan was in a word, awful.
This book, has been compared to other books of note recently that deal with the subject of Dominant/submissive relationships, and it has been touted as a more well written book. While yes, the sentence structure and word choices are more polished, it is still not what I would consider interesting reading.
The subject matter is handled bluntly and openly, and that is not what turns me off about the book, but that it is just boring. Had I not been paid to read this book, I would have stopped after the first few chapters.
The book felt self indulgent. You know when you are talking to someone, and it feels like they are talking just because they love to hear the sound of their own voice? Well if you could translate that into reading, that is exactly how I felt reading this book. I found myself shouting “Shut UP” in my head.
The book claims to give you insight to a submissive, but all I got was a few sex scenes and the banality of one girl’s life. I would much rather we call a spade a spade, call the book erotic fiction, rather than a memoir, and the expectation of any literary talent would be at a minimum. (Millions of women did not read that other series for its dynamic prose) The expectation, or maybe it is just my expectation with a memoir, is that the author has at the very least something interesting to say. Sadly nothing could be farther from the truth with Diary of a Submissive: A Modern True Tale of Sexual Awakening.
_________
This is a paid review for the BlogHer Book Club, however the opinions expressed are mine alone.
This book, has been compared to other books of note recently that deal with the subject of Dominant/submissive relationships, and it has been touted as a more well written book. While yes, the sentence structure and word choices are more polished, it is still not what I would consider interesting reading.
The subject matter is handled bluntly and openly, and that is not what turns me off about the book, but that it is just boring. Had I not been paid to read this book, I would have stopped after the first few chapters.
The book felt self indulgent. You know when you are talking to someone, and it feels like they are talking just because they love to hear the sound of their own voice? Well if you could translate that into reading, that is exactly how I felt reading this book. I found myself shouting “Shut UP” in my head.
The book claims to give you insight to a submissive, but all I got was a few sex scenes and the banality of one girl’s life. I would much rather we call a spade a spade, call the book erotic fiction, rather than a memoir, and the expectation of any literary talent would be at a minimum. (Millions of women did not read that other series for its dynamic prose) The expectation, or maybe it is just my expectation with a memoir, is that the author has at the very least something interesting to say. Sadly nothing could be farther from the truth with Diary of a Submissive: A Modern True Tale of Sexual Awakening.
_________
This is a paid review for the BlogHer Book Club, however the opinions expressed are mine alone.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Kindergarten we loved you so
It seems I started this post the last day of school, and never finished, or posted...go figure.
The first picture is from day one of Kindergarten followed by pictures from the last day of school. I am so far behind, and there have been some really fun things that happened over the summer! I need to do a big giant post to catch up!
Until then, know the boys had a great year, summer and are having a blast as first graders!
Quilt I made for our wonderful teacher. All of the kids did a panel.
We had a Luau the last day of school.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
BlogHer Book Club: Matched
Matched is the first novel in a dystopian trilogy by Ally Condie. This piece of young adult fiction finds us living in “The Society”, where we meet Cassia a young girl, about to take the first step into adulthood.
In this society, everything is predetermined. There are no choices. Everyone is fed a government prescribed diet. There is no sharing food because the calories are carefully portioned. Your job is based on your aptitude. Free time is portioned out sparingly. Even the day you die is predetermined.
Almost every person attends their Matching Ceremony after their seventeenth birthday to find out who will become their future husband or wife. Almost always it is a person in a far away region. In an unlikely outcome Cassia is matched to her best friend Xander.
Cassia and Xander are childhood friends. They grew up playing together, they know each other and their families know each other. Everything is great! Cassia and Xander are delighted. That is when everything goes wrong.
Cassia puts her microchip with information about Xander, her match into her port. Xander’s face pops up on the screen, but it is quickly replaced with the image of another boy. And not just any boy, but another she knows well.
The rest of the novel takes us through Cassia’s internal conflict. It raises questions in Cassia that she never had before. Throughout her life she has been a conformist, never once questioning the rules, or the predetermined outcomes in her life. Suddenly, she is a fountain of questions.
A pretty typical coming of age scenario, set in a futuristic time and place, but typical none the less. It was a quick read, and I did find myself “reading just one more chapter”, but I think I was expecting more. The cliffhanger does make me hopeful for more adventure and excitement to come in the next two novels, but the ordinary storytelling in Matched does not make me want to go out there and buy them.
This was a paid review for the BlogHer Book Club, however the opinions are all mine.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Reliving the Preemie Experience
In the last year I have been volunteering my time to speak with parents who are going through similar NICU stays. Parents of gravely ill babies born way too early. It has been rewarding and even sometimes really hard.
More than six years after the premature birth of my boys, my very healthy and happy children, I can still be pulled back into the nightmare, the horror that is prematurity.
The families that I have worked with were wonderful. They've all had that perfect mix of fight and fright. Never too optimistic, never too down. You have to be that way with the prospect of a prolonged NICU stay. It has been a great experience, and I really enjoy working with them, but they are essentially strangers, it is easier somehow.
In the last 30+ days I have been too close to prematurity again.
34 days ago, a friend, a former NICU friend, gave birth to her son, prematurely. In a country that admits to being 15 years behind the US in their neonatal medicine. At 26 weeks. I know 26 weeks so intimately. Her son, was only 1 pound 7 ounces. Even more Micro than my Micros He has already had a brain bleed and NEC, however on the positive side, he is sprinting, and his lungs seem to be doing so much better than my 26 weekers. Everyday she posts an update on Facebook. Everyday I hold my breath as I read it. I know so well how quickly something can change. NEC -- That scares me so much. We escaped its wrath, but each time I read that they are increasing his feeds, or that his belly is a little distended, I cringe. She is so positive, and strong, and guardedly optimistic. In the first few days I would scream at the computer at all of her other friends congratulations, and positivity. Only someone who has been through all the ups and downs can know how painful congratulations can be.
Just last week another preemie was born to a friend of the family. 27/6. Preeclampsia. It all comes back so strongly. Every up and down. Every milestone. First skin to skin. First feed. This boy is doing really well. So far no major issues. I am holding my breath, can you tell?
As much as I want to know what is happening with these babies, it is hard. I am trying to follow "casually". Maybe it is a protective wall. I worry about these friends. Every day. My heart aches for them. Every day. Their babies get stronger. Every day.
and maybe I do too.
More than six years after the premature birth of my boys, my very healthy and happy children, I can still be pulled back into the nightmare, the horror that is prematurity.
The families that I have worked with were wonderful. They've all had that perfect mix of fight and fright. Never too optimistic, never too down. You have to be that way with the prospect of a prolonged NICU stay. It has been a great experience, and I really enjoy working with them, but they are essentially strangers, it is easier somehow.
In the last 30+ days I have been too close to prematurity again.
34 days ago, a friend, a former NICU friend, gave birth to her son, prematurely. In a country that admits to being 15 years behind the US in their neonatal medicine. At 26 weeks. I know 26 weeks so intimately. Her son, was only 1 pound 7 ounces. Even more Micro than my Micros He has already had a brain bleed and NEC, however on the positive side, he is sprinting, and his lungs seem to be doing so much better than my 26 weekers. Everyday she posts an update on Facebook. Everyday I hold my breath as I read it. I know so well how quickly something can change. NEC -- That scares me so much. We escaped its wrath, but each time I read that they are increasing his feeds, or that his belly is a little distended, I cringe. She is so positive, and strong, and guardedly optimistic. In the first few days I would scream at the computer at all of her other friends congratulations, and positivity. Only someone who has been through all the ups and downs can know how painful congratulations can be.
Just last week another preemie was born to a friend of the family. 27/6. Preeclampsia. It all comes back so strongly. Every up and down. Every milestone. First skin to skin. First feed. This boy is doing really well. So far no major issues. I am holding my breath, can you tell?
As much as I want to know what is happening with these babies, it is hard. I am trying to follow "casually". Maybe it is a protective wall. I worry about these friends. Every day. My heart aches for them. Every day. Their babies get stronger. Every day.
and maybe I do too.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
BlogHer Book Club: Daring Greatly
Brene Brown's Daring Greatly delves into the notion that vulnerability is at the core of all things. Vulnerability and the way we either embrace it, or hide from it, influences our happiness and how we live.
I have to admit that non-fiction is really not my favorite genre. There are many reasons, one important one is that I am a skimmer. I typically read very fast. I gloss over many of the words and just focus on the meat. However, when reading non-fiction, that is nearly impossible. Another reason I rarely read non-fiction is time. I have very little of it, reading is a luxury, a stolen moment, something I wish I could do more of, but with two little kids, who always want me to read to them, very rarely do I read a book without pictures. When I do get those glorious moments of uninterrupted reading time, well, they are in about 5 minute increments. Waiting for my kids to be let out of school, or waiting in line somewhere, or right before I fall asleep. So, reading non-fiction in those few stolen moments, skimming the way I do, means I do not fully digest the meat. It's easy to follow along with fiction, eventually I remember what happened 40 pages and 4 days ago, however with non-fiction, it is like starting all over again.
So with Daring Greatly, I have to say I struggled. Oh, did I struggle. I took notes. I highlighted. I re-read and re-read. Don't get me wrong, Ms. Brown is an engaging writer! She has many important and interesting ideas, I just have twenty million other things swirling around in my brain and I had difficulty keeping up!
There are a few things that really stood out for me. The whole idea of Daring Greatly, of abandoning shame and allowing ones self to be vulnerable, is an interesting concept. Brene Brown defines vulnerability as exposure, uncertainty, and emotional risk. Why would anyone want to put it all out there, to be that exposed? She states, "Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage". Ultimately allowing yourself to be vulnerable, to be exposed, opens us up to find that knowledge that we are worthy.
Shame is the emotion that keeps us from living wholeheartedly. Shame is the emotion that makes it impossible for us to embrace vulnerability. What spoke to me most was the chapter about child rearing and shame. How do we raise children to live wholeheartedly, with out shame? What are the things we can do or say to remove shame from our children's lives? Since these childhood experiences shape who we are, can we as parents give tools to our kids to make them adults who know they are worthy, knowing they are enough?
I am sure that I will be revisiting this book, returning to areas as I continue to raise my children. There were many examples and ideas that I want to read again, and try to absorb more fully. I believe this is a book that can be used as a reference manual to life.
This has been a paid review for the BlogHer Book Club, but the opinions expressed were all mine.
I have to admit that non-fiction is really not my favorite genre. There are many reasons, one important one is that I am a skimmer. I typically read very fast. I gloss over many of the words and just focus on the meat. However, when reading non-fiction, that is nearly impossible. Another reason I rarely read non-fiction is time. I have very little of it, reading is a luxury, a stolen moment, something I wish I could do more of, but with two little kids, who always want me to read to them, very rarely do I read a book without pictures. When I do get those glorious moments of uninterrupted reading time, well, they are in about 5 minute increments. Waiting for my kids to be let out of school, or waiting in line somewhere, or right before I fall asleep. So, reading non-fiction in those few stolen moments, skimming the way I do, means I do not fully digest the meat. It's easy to follow along with fiction, eventually I remember what happened 40 pages and 4 days ago, however with non-fiction, it is like starting all over again.
So with Daring Greatly, I have to say I struggled. Oh, did I struggle. I took notes. I highlighted. I re-read and re-read. Don't get me wrong, Ms. Brown is an engaging writer! She has many important and interesting ideas, I just have twenty million other things swirling around in my brain and I had difficulty keeping up!
There are a few things that really stood out for me. The whole idea of Daring Greatly, of abandoning shame and allowing ones self to be vulnerable, is an interesting concept. Brene Brown defines vulnerability as exposure, uncertainty, and emotional risk. Why would anyone want to put it all out there, to be that exposed? She states, "Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage". Ultimately allowing yourself to be vulnerable, to be exposed, opens us up to find that knowledge that we are worthy.
Shame is the emotion that keeps us from living wholeheartedly. Shame is the emotion that makes it impossible for us to embrace vulnerability. What spoke to me most was the chapter about child rearing and shame. How do we raise children to live wholeheartedly, with out shame? What are the things we can do or say to remove shame from our children's lives? Since these childhood experiences shape who we are, can we as parents give tools to our kids to make them adults who know they are worthy, knowing they are enough?
I am sure that I will be revisiting this book, returning to areas as I continue to raise my children. There were many examples and ideas that I want to read again, and try to absorb more fully. I believe this is a book that can be used as a reference manual to life.
This has been a paid review for the BlogHer Book Club, but the opinions expressed were all mine.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Evan at Six
Evan, you are such a firecracker! Never silent, never still.
Your spirit is so bright. The light that comes from you is almost overwhelming! Your hugs are so fierce, you latch on with your arms and legs, the love that transmits from your limbs is intoxicating. You love so passionately. You are always all in.
You are thriving at school!! You love your teacher and your classmates. Your major issues are the issues I worried about for you in traditional public school. One of the primary reasons I chose Sparrow is so your spirit wouldn't be squashed by having to conform to what is considered normal in public school. You still need to be reminded everyday what proper behavior is in the classroom but you are never made to feel less than if you cannot achieve this perfectly. You are lovingly reminded and will continue to be reminded until you find a way to control the energy surging through your little body!
You are excelling at reading. I am constantly amazed at the words you read. I watch you look around a room and then exclaim "that says..." I should have known that you would be the first to read since you were always the child that longed for words, and you are the child that is never at a loss for them.
I have heard from many parents that you are constantly praising my cooking or talking about the food I make for you. This from my child who would not eat. Sigh. How far we have come.
You are the life of the party, singing and humming the Imperial March constantly! You have stopped singing the National Anthem for me, which makes me sad. I miss you busting it out when ever the feeling moved you.
You are so into Star Wars and you know all of the characters, since you have never seen any of the Star Wars movies, I am amazed, and amused. You and Ryan have intense conversations about the characters, what they do, and if they are good guys or bad guys.
I love your passion, your sense of right and wrong, your spirit, your ability to engage anyone in conversation, I love that there is no half way for you! I love you!
Your spirit is so bright. The light that comes from you is almost overwhelming! Your hugs are so fierce, you latch on with your arms and legs, the love that transmits from your limbs is intoxicating. You love so passionately. You are always all in.
You are thriving at school!! You love your teacher and your classmates. Your major issues are the issues I worried about for you in traditional public school. One of the primary reasons I chose Sparrow is so your spirit wouldn't be squashed by having to conform to what is considered normal in public school. You still need to be reminded everyday what proper behavior is in the classroom but you are never made to feel less than if you cannot achieve this perfectly. You are lovingly reminded and will continue to be reminded until you find a way to control the energy surging through your little body!
You are excelling at reading. I am constantly amazed at the words you read. I watch you look around a room and then exclaim "that says..." I should have known that you would be the first to read since you were always the child that longed for words, and you are the child that is never at a loss for them.
I have heard from many parents that you are constantly praising my cooking or talking about the food I make for you. This from my child who would not eat. Sigh. How far we have come.
You are the life of the party, singing and humming the Imperial March constantly! You have stopped singing the National Anthem for me, which makes me sad. I miss you busting it out when ever the feeling moved you.
You are so into Star Wars and you know all of the characters, since you have never seen any of the Star Wars movies, I am amazed, and amused. You and Ryan have intense conversations about the characters, what they do, and if they are good guys or bad guys.
I love your passion, your sense of right and wrong, your spirit, your ability to engage anyone in conversation, I love that there is no half way for you! I love you!
Ryan at Six
Oh Ryan!
This year you have grown in so many ways. First you are HUGE!!!! It wont be long before you are taller than me. Emotionally, you are growing into an amazingly compassionate young boy. You always want to please and you want to see others happy. You share your treasures so freely with your brother, and you are so happy to give to him, so much so, you are spoiling him!
In school you are doing very very well. You want to follow the rules, and you want Evan to do so too. In fact this caused some problems early in the year because you were trying to make Evan comply and when he didn't, it would upset you and him. You are thriving in the positive, loving environment that is Sparrow, Hummingbird Haven, and Ms. Kari. You have made wonderful friendships and seem to be a leader among your peers.
You are so supportive of Evan, who is reading much more than you right now. If this is bothering you, you are not letting it show. You stated in class the other day "Evan is a fantastic reader, I am so proud of him! I hope someday I can read as well as he can!!!" I love that you recognize that you are different and that is okay, that you can support your brother's successes and use his achievement as a goal for yourself.
You are so naturally athletic and naturally competitive. It is one of the areas that we need to work on, sportsmanship! You hate to lose. That will serve you well in the future, but right now, not so much. Your desire to be the best manifests in your desire to practice. You are always eager to get out on the ice first, or the field. I even had to tell you that you could not practice soccer during halftime.
What sets you apart is your heart. You have such a giving and loving spirit. You comfort others, you have such a knack for making people feel good about themselves. You are so giving of physical objects and of your love.
I love your smile, your joy, your silliness, your competitive drive, your compassionate nature, your sense of humor, your observations, I love you!!! (now stop growing)
This year you have grown in so many ways. First you are HUGE!!!! It wont be long before you are taller than me. Emotionally, you are growing into an amazingly compassionate young boy. You always want to please and you want to see others happy. You share your treasures so freely with your brother, and you are so happy to give to him, so much so, you are spoiling him!
In school you are doing very very well. You want to follow the rules, and you want Evan to do so too. In fact this caused some problems early in the year because you were trying to make Evan comply and when he didn't, it would upset you and him. You are thriving in the positive, loving environment that is Sparrow, Hummingbird Haven, and Ms. Kari. You have made wonderful friendships and seem to be a leader among your peers.
You are so supportive of Evan, who is reading much more than you right now. If this is bothering you, you are not letting it show. You stated in class the other day "Evan is a fantastic reader, I am so proud of him! I hope someday I can read as well as he can!!!" I love that you recognize that you are different and that is okay, that you can support your brother's successes and use his achievement as a goal for yourself.
You are so naturally athletic and naturally competitive. It is one of the areas that we need to work on, sportsmanship! You hate to lose. That will serve you well in the future, but right now, not so much. Your desire to be the best manifests in your desire to practice. You are always eager to get out on the ice first, or the field. I even had to tell you that you could not practice soccer during halftime.
What sets you apart is your heart. You have such a giving and loving spirit. You comfort others, you have such a knack for making people feel good about themselves. You are so giving of physical objects and of your love.
I love your smile, your joy, your silliness, your competitive drive, your compassionate nature, your sense of humor, your observations, I love you!!! (now stop growing)
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
BlogHer Book Club: The Book of Jonas
The Book of Jonas, a first novel by Stephen Dau interweaves the stories of Jonas, a U.S. Soldier, and His Mother, like a finely woven tapestry. Albeit there are some holes, maybe left by the craftsman intentionally, or just the work of an inexperienced artisan.
Dau's style, short succinct chapters, made The Book of Jonas easy to read, but sometimes hard to follow. I read most of this novel in one two hour block of time, finishing the last 50 or so pages over the next two days. This enabled me to follow the story more easily, however if I was reading The Book of Jonas over many, many, days, I feel I would have been confused easily.
I had a deep desire to come to the end of this book. I just wanted to know that Jonas would be okay. I hoped that all of the foreshadowing was false and that the end would turn in a different direction. The book jacket suggests a surprise ending, but if you follow along, there is no surprise. Each chapter, each sentence, each word leads you to the obvious.
The Book of Jonas was a good read, but it left me wanting more. I loved how one action, like the flap of the wings of a butterfly, could change the lives of so many. I love that theory, but the way in which these stories were told made me feel like something was missing. It may be the writers succinct style, or my recent fondness for overly verbose prose, but I was left missing, wanting, longing.
The central theme of loss may have something to do with my desire to have more. When we suffer great loss, or those around us do, I think it is only natural to want more information, we (Okay, maybe I) want to understand, to see if there is anything we can do to help.
Read a review, join a discussion at Blog Her.com:
This has been a paid review for BlogHer, the opinions however are mine, mine, mine.
Dau's style, short succinct chapters, made The Book of Jonas easy to read, but sometimes hard to follow. I read most of this novel in one two hour block of time, finishing the last 50 or so pages over the next two days. This enabled me to follow the story more easily, however if I was reading The Book of Jonas over many, many, days, I feel I would have been confused easily.
I had a deep desire to come to the end of this book. I just wanted to know that Jonas would be okay. I hoped that all of the foreshadowing was false and that the end would turn in a different direction. The book jacket suggests a surprise ending, but if you follow along, there is no surprise. Each chapter, each sentence, each word leads you to the obvious.
The Book of Jonas was a good read, but it left me wanting more. I loved how one action, like the flap of the wings of a butterfly, could change the lives of so many. I love that theory, but the way in which these stories were told made me feel like something was missing. It may be the writers succinct style, or my recent fondness for overly verbose prose, but I was left missing, wanting, longing.
The central theme of loss may have something to do with my desire to have more. When we suffer great loss, or those around us do, I think it is only natural to want more information, we (Okay, maybe I) want to understand, to see if there is anything we can do to help.
Read a review, join a discussion at Blog Her.com:
This has been a paid review for BlogHer, the opinions however are mine, mine, mine.
Friday, April 13, 2012
Hummingbird Haven goes Camping
We have been really busy of late, seriously, what is new, but we have really had some fun times.
The first weekend of spring break, our Kindergarten class went camping, OH MY GOODNESS!!!!
The kids had so much fun!!!!
There were six families from the class and we had five campsites all either next to each other, or super close. This gave the kids a HUGE area to run and play freely in. They rode bikes, and ran and played and played. It was unbelievable how much fun these kids had together. There was nary a conflict, and I never once heard the dreaded "I'm Bored!"
I think the parents had just as much fun. After we put the kids to bed, well past their bedtimes, loaded up on smores, we sat around the campfire talking, and laughing, and just having a fantastic bonding experience too.
We all had so much fun we are planning another trip this summer!
I love these families, this school, and the amazing memories we are creating for our kids.
We were also lucky enough to have a couple of amazing photographers on the trip, including our personal family photographer, so we have great memories saved for a lifetime!
http://www.photographybyalison.com/slideshows/dos-picos-camping-spring-2012/
Our first camping trip was a huge success, I am so glad we can now do these things with the boys that Scott and I enjoyed in our lives before kids!
The first weekend of spring break, our Kindergarten class went camping, OH MY GOODNESS!!!!
The kids had so much fun!!!!
There were six families from the class and we had five campsites all either next to each other, or super close. This gave the kids a HUGE area to run and play freely in. They rode bikes, and ran and played and played. It was unbelievable how much fun these kids had together. There was nary a conflict, and I never once heard the dreaded "I'm Bored!"
I think the parents had just as much fun. After we put the kids to bed, well past their bedtimes, loaded up on smores, we sat around the campfire talking, and laughing, and just having a fantastic bonding experience too.
We all had so much fun we are planning another trip this summer!
I love these families, this school, and the amazing memories we are creating for our kids.
We were also lucky enough to have a couple of amazing photographers on the trip, including our personal family photographer, so we have great memories saved for a lifetime!
http://www.photographybyalison.com/slideshows/dos-picos-camping-spring-2012/
Our first camping trip was a huge success, I am so glad we can now do these things with the boys that Scott and I enjoyed in our lives before kids!
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Those ten days
And so begins the countdown. Six years ago I was admitted to the hospital with Pre term labor. Six years ago today my life was changed forever.
Pregnancy celebrated by most, has me counting the weeks to viability. I seem to hold my breath for every friend or relative as they pass through their pregnancies blissfully ignorant as I was of all of the possibilities. All the things that can go wrong. I could not or would not ever vocalize my concern, but in my head I count, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40. Somewhere around 35 I start breathing again even though I know what a 26 weeker can do, and can't do.
I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
Six years ago this journey of NICU parent would begin, even though six years ago I was still sure I would make it to my baby shower in three days!
Ah, how I wish to be that naive again!!
Pregnancy celebrated by most, has me counting the weeks to viability. I seem to hold my breath for every friend or relative as they pass through their pregnancies blissfully ignorant as I was of all of the possibilities. All the things that can go wrong. I could not or would not ever vocalize my concern, but in my head I count, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40. Somewhere around 35 I start breathing again even though I know what a 26 weeker can do, and can't do.
I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
Six years ago this journey of NICU parent would begin, even though six years ago I was still sure I would make it to my baby shower in three days!
Ah, how I wish to be that naive again!!
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Time Flies
I cannot believe it has been more than a month since my last post. So much for posting at least once ever two weeks or so.
Things have been crazy around here, I don't really know why. It seems the older the boys get, the more underwater I am. I thought this was supposed to get easier!?!
One of the most significant thing that has happened in the last few weeks is that Evan is a reader now. Not just CAT, or SAT, or HAT, but words like dangerous, and tumbled!?!?! Holy cow. Scott is a little less amazed than I, he keeps telling me that "kids learn to read!" I know that intellectually, but emotionally, "OH MY GOD MY KID IS READING!!!!!!" In comparison, Ryan is struggling, but he too can sound out and read words like because, behind, beneath, which is truly amazing!!!
I am so happy I made the choice to send the boys to an "alternative" school. They are thriving. They are happy. They are loved. Most importantly they are not pressured into being what they are not ready for, yet they are being encouraged to progress in a developmentally appropriate way.
On the gross motor front, Ryan is riding his bike with no training wheels! It is so funny for Ryan all it took was a little peer pressure and his natural competitive nature and within ten minutes he was off. And by comparison, Evan is struggling.
Twins are fun.
We are also chin deep in birthday party prep.
My babies are almost SIX!!!! How did that happen.
Excuse me I need to go find my snorkel.
Things have been crazy around here, I don't really know why. It seems the older the boys get, the more underwater I am. I thought this was supposed to get easier!?!
One of the most significant thing that has happened in the last few weeks is that Evan is a reader now. Not just CAT, or SAT, or HAT, but words like dangerous, and tumbled!?!?! Holy cow. Scott is a little less amazed than I, he keeps telling me that "kids learn to read!" I know that intellectually, but emotionally, "OH MY GOD MY KID IS READING!!!!!!" In comparison, Ryan is struggling, but he too can sound out and read words like because, behind, beneath, which is truly amazing!!!
I am so happy I made the choice to send the boys to an "alternative" school. They are thriving. They are happy. They are loved. Most importantly they are not pressured into being what they are not ready for, yet they are being encouraged to progress in a developmentally appropriate way.
On the gross motor front, Ryan is riding his bike with no training wheels! It is so funny for Ryan all it took was a little peer pressure and his natural competitive nature and within ten minutes he was off. And by comparison, Evan is struggling.
Twins are fun.
We are also chin deep in birthday party prep.
My babies are almost SIX!!!! How did that happen.
Excuse me I need to go find my snorkel.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Tribes
This post has been running around in my mind for a few weeks now, however finding the time to organize my thoughts has been difficult, and even now I am not certain I can get the right words down.
I have discovered the Tribes in my life. The groups of people who help me through my days, weeks, months, life. I never realized or maybe never saw them until recently. Sure there are the family and friends, yes, we have these people and they make our lives what they are, but have you ever looked at those friends, or acquaintances, have you grouped them into what they mean to you? How and why they came into your life, how they all fit together.
Broken down, my Tribes look like this:
1. The We Like to Stretch, Bend and Twist in a Very Hot Room Tribe: Most of these people I know only superficially. They are my yoga people. There are maybe 8 or 10 regulars, people I see at class at least 3 times a week. I don't know a lot about these people, but we share a special, sweaty bond. I look forward to seeing them, to the casual friendships.
2. The We Go To The Same School Tribe: We all have similar ideas on education, and the types of discipline for our children. These mom's in our kindergarten class, the are wonderful. I feel so fortunate that we brought our children to this wonderful school. I expect to know these women for quite a long time, and I am pleased.
3. The We Used To Go To The Same Preschool Tribe: Similar to the, We Go To The Same School Tribe, these women I have known since the boys were 2 1/2. Many of them I still see casually, but there are a handful (or two) that I see often, that we make a point to get together because we really like each other. All of our kids play well together, and all of their Mom's play really well together. I know we will know each other for a long time to come, and it makes me joyous.
4. The Our Kids PlayHockey, T-ball, Soccer Sports Together Tribe: We sit on the sidelines, in the stands for hours each week, we get our kids in gear, we cheer, encourage, reprimand, teach, and laugh together as our kids hone their athletic prowess. We may play on teams together again, we may play on teams together forever, but we will always support those kids' love of sports.
5. The We Went Through The Worst Time of Our Lives Together Tribe: My NICU people. I really need not say more. These people- the parents, the nurses, the kids -These people. We've been through more together than any one should. We've watched as nurses and doctors resuscitated our children, as they took them away for surgeries. We've watched milestones no parent should ever see, the first feed, the first time being held, the first extubation, the first 1000 grams. WE will be bonded forever. We will celebrate all triumphs, we will hold our collective breath at every hint of bad news. I will love those kids like my own forever. I will be proud of all they are, because I know where they have been.
6. The I Went To School With You Tribe: Most of these people I don't see or hear much from except from Facebook. Many of the people in this tribe I see infrequently, many of these people I don't care if I see them more or less. A few of these people I wish we were able to get together much more often, but even if we do not, it is always as if no time has passed. Such a wonderful old tribe.
7. The We Used To Kayak In Another Life Tribe: Kayaking buddies, some I see often, some not so much, but we will always have the river.
8. The We Once Worked Together Tribe: Like the Kayaking Tribe we once had something in common, now not so much, but those shared experiences will forever link us.
No wonder I never have any free time!
I have discovered the Tribes in my life. The groups of people who help me through my days, weeks, months, life. I never realized or maybe never saw them until recently. Sure there are the family and friends, yes, we have these people and they make our lives what they are, but have you ever looked at those friends, or acquaintances, have you grouped them into what they mean to you? How and why they came into your life, how they all fit together.
Broken down, my Tribes look like this:
1. The We Like to Stretch, Bend and Twist in a Very Hot Room Tribe: Most of these people I know only superficially. They are my yoga people. There are maybe 8 or 10 regulars, people I see at class at least 3 times a week. I don't know a lot about these people, but we share a special, sweaty bond. I look forward to seeing them, to the casual friendships.
2. The We Go To The Same School Tribe: We all have similar ideas on education, and the types of discipline for our children. These mom's in our kindergarten class, the are wonderful. I feel so fortunate that we brought our children to this wonderful school. I expect to know these women for quite a long time, and I am pleased.
3. The We Used To Go To The Same Preschool Tribe: Similar to the, We Go To The Same School Tribe, these women I have known since the boys were 2 1/2. Many of them I still see casually, but there are a handful (or two) that I see often, that we make a point to get together because we really like each other. All of our kids play well together, and all of their Mom's play really well together. I know we will know each other for a long time to come, and it makes me joyous.
4. The Our Kids Play
5. The We Went Through The Worst Time of Our Lives Together Tribe: My NICU people. I really need not say more. These people- the parents, the nurses, the kids -These people. We've been through more together than any one should. We've watched as nurses and doctors resuscitated our children, as they took them away for surgeries. We've watched milestones no parent should ever see, the first feed, the first time being held, the first extubation, the first 1000 grams. WE will be bonded forever. We will celebrate all triumphs, we will hold our collective breath at every hint of bad news. I will love those kids like my own forever. I will be proud of all they are, because I know where they have been.
6. The I Went To School With You Tribe: Most of these people I don't see or hear much from except from Facebook. Many of the people in this tribe I see infrequently, many of these people I don't care if I see them more or less. A few of these people I wish we were able to get together much more often, but even if we do not, it is always as if no time has passed. Such a wonderful old tribe.
7. The We Used To Kayak In Another Life Tribe: Kayaking buddies, some I see often, some not so much, but we will always have the river.
8. The We Once Worked Together Tribe: Like the Kayaking Tribe we once had something in common, now not so much, but those shared experiences will forever link us.
No wonder I never have any free time!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
NICU Revisited
I am about to willingly walk back through one of the most difficult times in my life. The time in my life that defined me as a parent. The time that Forever defined my children. Those days and months that changed everything.
For the past few months I have been attending meetings and training sessions at the hospital where the boys were born, their home for the first five months of their lives. My home the first five months of their lives.
I am volunteering. I will be talking to parents who are experiencing the NICU like we did almost six years ago. I will be attempting to offer support, comfort or just someone to listen to them, some one who has been there, someone who understands.
I was so luckily, if you can call it that, because there were people with whom I shared my NICU experience. Those people are still an integral part of my support system. My friends, the people who to this day get it, my lifelines in a time when life was so fragile and tenuous. Not every family is that lucky. In spite of the fact that 1 in 8 babies is born prematurely, most parents of preemies have no one to talk to who really understand because they have been there.
In the years since the boys discharge, I have talked to a number of parents who are having difficulties in the NICU, lending an ear, a supportive comment, or a suggestion. I have talked to parents with kids with feeding issues, I've talked to parents worrying about what to do with their preemie once they go home. These were all referrals from our former nurses, OT's, teachers or educational therapists. This is much more formal. I even have a pink badge granting me access to the NICU so familiar to me from all those days in the NICU.
I am going to formally introduce myself to two families tomorrow. I am filled with anticipation and a little fear. I hope I can offer the support that these families need. I hope I can keep the flood of memories at bay. I hope I can use them to the benefit of those families. I hope that I can just offer them what they need most...HOPE.
For the past few months I have been attending meetings and training sessions at the hospital where the boys were born, their home for the first five months of their lives. My home the first five months of their lives.
I am volunteering. I will be talking to parents who are experiencing the NICU like we did almost six years ago. I will be attempting to offer support, comfort or just someone to listen to them, some one who has been there, someone who understands.
I was so luckily, if you can call it that, because there were people with whom I shared my NICU experience. Those people are still an integral part of my support system. My friends, the people who to this day get it, my lifelines in a time when life was so fragile and tenuous. Not every family is that lucky. In spite of the fact that 1 in 8 babies is born prematurely, most parents of preemies have no one to talk to who really understand because they have been there.
In the years since the boys discharge, I have talked to a number of parents who are having difficulties in the NICU, lending an ear, a supportive comment, or a suggestion. I have talked to parents with kids with feeding issues, I've talked to parents worrying about what to do with their preemie once they go home. These were all referrals from our former nurses, OT's, teachers or educational therapists. This is much more formal. I even have a pink badge granting me access to the NICU so familiar to me from all those days in the NICU.
I am going to formally introduce myself to two families tomorrow. I am filled with anticipation and a little fear. I hope I can offer the support that these families need. I hope I can keep the flood of memories at bay. I hope I can use them to the benefit of those families. I hope that I can just offer them what they need most...HOPE.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
BlogHer Book Club: The Lake of Dreams
This review was supposed to go live a month ago but i had a problem with the iPad app i wrote it on. Thank goodness the fix is now live and so is this review!
In Kim Edwards new novel The Lake of Dreams, Lucy Jarrett returns home after a long, self imposed exile and stumbles on secrets from what may be the past of her family. Mystery after mystery unfold involving Lucy's past present and future.
Lucy leaves home after the accidental death of her father. In her wake she leaves a grieving family and a heartsick ex boyfriend. She carries the weight of the sudden loss of her father around the globe and through more than a decade of restlessness.
When she is finally drawn home, she uncovers pamphlets and a letter hidden in a locked window seat. Lucy is drawn to the knowledge that a suffragette may have lived in her family home. As Lucy digs into the past, Kim Edwards' story explores the rich history of the finger lakes region of New York, the Suffragette movement, and the changing landscape for women in the United States all while expertly weaving in the story of the Jarrett family.
The more she researches the family history, the deeper Lucy is drawn into the past. The more information she uncovers, the more she desires.
I found as a reader that I wanted nothing more to have Lucy delve deeper and deeper. I couldn't wait to turn the page to make discoveries right along with Lucy.
Kim Edwards, who brought us a similarly engaging Memory Keepers Daughter, gives us another tale of secrets, intrigue, woven into the fabric of recent historical facts. There is even a subtle reference to her previous novel if you are observant. But what continues to make Edwards' work so engaging are her strong female characters driven by their own need for the truth.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
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