Reliving the Preemie Experience

In the last year I have been volunteering my time to speak with parents who are going through similar NICU stays.  Parents of gravely ill babies born way too early.  It has been rewarding and even sometimes really hard. 

More than six years after the premature birth of my boys, my very healthy and happy children, I can still be pulled back into the nightmare, the horror that is prematurity.

The families that I have worked with were wonderful.  They've all had that perfect mix of fight and fright.  Never too optimistic, never too down.  You have to be that way with the prospect of a prolonged NICU stay. It has been a great experience, and I really enjoy working with them, but they are essentially strangers, it is easier somehow.

In the last 30+ days I have been too close to prematurity again.

34 days ago, a friend, a former NICU friend, gave birth to her son, prematurely. In a country that admits to being 15 years behind the US in their neonatal medicine.  At 26 weeks.  I know 26 weeks so intimately. Her son, was only 1 pound 7 ounces.  Even more Micro than my Micros He has already had a brain bleed and NEC,  however on the positive side, he is sprinting, and his lungs seem to be doing so much better than my 26 weekers.  Everyday she posts an update on Facebook.  Everyday I hold my breath as I read it.  I know so well how quickly something can change.  NEC -- That scares me so much.  We escaped its wrath, but each time I read that they are increasing his feeds, or that his belly is a little distended, I cringe.  She is so positive, and strong, and guardedly optimistic.  In the first few days I would scream at the computer at all of her other friends congratulations, and positivity.  Only someone who has been through all the ups and downs can know how painful congratulations can be.

Just last week another preemie was born to a friend of the family.  27/6. Preeclampsia.  It all comes back so strongly. Every up and down. Every milestone.  First skin to skin. First feed. This boy is doing really well.  So far no major issues.  I am holding my breath, can you tell?

As much as I want to know what is happening with these babies, it is hard. I am trying to follow "casually". Maybe it is a protective wall. I worry about these friends.  Every day.  My heart aches for them. Every day. Their babies get stronger. Every day.

and maybe I do too.