It was a long time coming, there were so many of those minutes where even imagining this day would come felt dangerous. Like we were tempting fate. But those same thoughts, of coming home, being a family, were what got us through all of those 152 days.
Those last few weeks were tough. One moment we'd be planning on coming home, and the next moment, Ryan would need to be bagged, and our homecoming would be postponed. When we finally got the okay we wondered had we waited long enough since his last "episode"?
"Aunt" Peggy was there on our last day. She got one more cuddle in with both boys...
Loaded us in the car...
and sent us on our way home...
Once home, my boys found their comfort zone...
My confidence was shaken, the very next day. On our way to the doctor's office. Literally two blocks from our house. Ryan's monitor went off. I looked in my rear view mirror and he was blue. Not just dusky, but blue verging on purple, verging on black. I honestly don't remember how I pulled the car over without causing a major accident, but I did. I hopped out and started trying to stimulate him, he did not respond. I was screaming at him. rubbing his chest. screaming at my mom to get the oxygen. I finally had the idea to loosen his car seat straps. I think I was going to try and get him out, or try to get my hands in there to some how make him breathe. Once the straps came loose, so did breath. He pinked up quickly. I however stayed pale for days.
Thankfully that was our only real "episode." Both boys continued to breathe regularly and the monitors were virtually silent.
Here's what Ryan's been saying:
Play trucks please
Play cars please
Play choo choo please
Car book please (anyone sense a theme?)
Gold bug book
Read please
po-po bear
ice water please
more grapes
tacos
oh no ri-ley
I think one of the greatest things I've seen between these boys happened the other day. I was busy trying to get dinner packed up, and Ryan really wanted me to play choo choo's, he kept asking and I kept explaining to him that I had to get dinner packed because we were going to leave in a few minutes. I then told him he had two choices. he could play choo, choo's by himself, or he could ask Evan to play with him. He turned around squatted down in front of Evan, and said to him. "play choo choo" he then grabbed him by the hand, pulled him up and into the other room to play choo choo's.
He's also had an accidental poop in the potty this week. We were getting ready for bath, he had a poop in his pants, and I thought there was more to come, so I put him on the potty. He sat there for a few moments, stood up, left me a present on the floor, and managed to get the rest into the potty. Yeaaa, Ryan!!!
Since coming home two years ago, Ryan has brought us more joy than I can ever express. He has a way about him, a quiet, wry smile. There is a glint in his eyes that tell me I have to be on my toes at all times with him. he is the sweetest most compassionate being I have ever met. He's determined, and persistent, and relentless. (I wonder where he gets that?) He is full of emotion, full of mischief, full of wonder.
And we are a house filled with love.
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