March 30, 2006

I'm not sure when I will have time to post again, so as we are stuck in traffic on the way to the river I thought I would work on this post, a post I've been dreading. Dredging up the past. A past that is not far enough removed to be just "a thing of the past" but far enough away that some dredging is required.

March 30, 2006. Almost two full years ago. A day like any other day. As a pregnant woman carrying twins, I spent a good deal of time engaging in a few very important activities. Going to the bathroom a thousand times a day. Sitting down to rest, and catch my breath after my morning shower. My afternoon Yoplait and Oprah break. And of course the never ending visits to the perinatologist. Now, gynecological exams are never high on the list of fun things that women do, but after 26 weeks of high risk pregnancy, and almost a year of fertility treatments, I was a little blasé about undressing, scooting to the edge of the table, and throwing my feet into the stirrups.

It had been weeks and weeks that I was suffering from back pain. Excruciating back pain. I was working on party favors for my (now) sister-in-laws wedding shower, nothing overly strenuous, I was filling wine glasses with jelly beans. I remember sitting at the table, filling a couple and then having to get down on all fours to relieve the pressure on my back. But no big deal! I was carrying TWINS for goodness sakes. I should expect some discomfort right? I was seeing an acupuncturist, and a chiropractor, and I was “swimming” several times a week. (I use the term swimming loosely, because in reality, it was floating, or treading water, or slowing moving from one end of the pool to the other. It was the glory of being weightless for a short time.) Everything I did took effort, all I could think was I have another 15 weeks of this. It is definitely going to get worse before it gets better. I would literally go to the bathroom, sit back down on the couch, get comfortable, and then I’d have to get up to go to the bathroom again.

In hindsight, the constant urge to urinate, the pain in my back, I was having contractions. I should have said something to my doctor, but I don’t complain, I just assumed that this was all part of being pregnant with twins.

Ah, back to the 30th. I had a routine doctors appointment scheduled so I trudged over to the doctors office, sat in the waiting room, threw my legs into stirrups. We did the usual things, ultrasound, internal, external, heart beats, yada, yada, yada and then something was different.

“Why don’t you get dressed while I find a place for us to talk”
HUH?

Can you hear the axe falling?

“your cervix is shortening”
HUH?

“I’m concerned”
HUH?

“Let’s send you over to Labor and Delivery and have things checked out”

HUH?

Wait one minute, this is not in the plan. I have a very clear plan here. I am leaving to drive by myself to Sacramento tomorrow, they are throwing me a baby shower, I’m not going to miss that am I????

“Let’s wait and see, I’m not going to make that call without further tests”

HUH?

Funny I wasn’t concerned about the babies at this point, I was only worried that I was going to ruin Shelley’s party. I was already thinking, okay, maybe I can’t DRIVE, and certainly not by myself. Maybe I could fly. Yeah, I could fly.