Evan at Seven

Evan my sweet, ball of fire, never ending source of entertainment. Evan my Joy. I cannot believe you are seven. Seven years ago you came bursting into my life.  How you were not Baby A I'll never know.  It is possible that you were pushing, kicking, and talking at Ryan so hard he just had to come out. 

Evan you wake up every morning and you are in fifth gear.  You don't slow down until you hit stop for the night and then you crash.  You still thrash and move in your sleep. The energy you have could power a small city.  If only I could harness it, I could reduce our electricity bills, and maybe even power my car! As much as sometimes I wish you would just sit still, I would never want to diminish the exuberance you attack everything with.

Evan you too are wicked smart.  It scares me sometimes!  You sat down the other day and read Tolkien.  Granted it was just the Hobbit, but seriously impressive man. When you are reading seems to be the only time you are quiet and still. Sometimes you hum, but usually you are quiet.  Your focus is amazing.  You have read entire chapter books, written for older kids, in a day. You never cease to amaze me. I am so glad you have been given the opportunity to flourish in school, and not be confined and disciplined to the point where you loose your joy.  I love that they embrace you for who you are!

Evan you still sing, but not like when you were younger.  You hum almost constantly.  You can hear a song/score once and it becomes part of your repertoire. We tried some music lessons, but you don't quite have the focus for the environment.  I want to find something for you this year to encourage your musical gene.

Evan, your vocabulary and your ability to formulate complex sentences always brings a smile to my face.  I recently likened you to Aaron Sorkin, an amazing writer of dialog for movies and television, one of my favorites. When you bust out a Sorkin Sentence, I wonder if your future holds writing, or the like.  I've always said you were my play by play man, but you've been talking about making movies a lot this year. I wonder.

Evan you are very sensitive, and I think you may get your feelings hurt often. You have lots of friends, but I am not sure they always know what to do with you.  With your vocabulary and your gift of gab you can overwhelm many. You are impatient and constantly need to be doing...I don't know where you got that!!! (I am sorry for that honey, I hope to teach you how to channel those attributes)

You are so strong, and determined.  You have wonderful opinions and you are not afraid to share them. You are fiercely loyal and passionate.

I love you my sweet, I love when you turn to me and say "I love you Mom" for no reason at all. I love that for a few weeks all you wanted was for me to cuddle you every night before bed. I know those moments will be fewer and fewer as you continue to grow older so I cherish every second.

Happy Birthday to my love bug.

Ryan at Seven

Ryan my loving boy.  You are seven today. How is that possible.  Seven years ago, I didn't know if you would live, let alone become the wonderful child you are today. Seven years ago today was the scariest, most wonderful day of my life because you and your brother made your grand entrance way too early.  I should have seen that as a foreshadowing of your constant early wake ups!

Ryan my heart.  You are so kind and generous.  This year it seems you are always trying to give things away, to me, to your father, to your brother.  I even caught you trying to slip Five Dollars into your Grandmother's Card.  You are so considerate of others and their feelings.  When Evan gets in trouble, I often find you crying for him.

You are so eager to help, and to do things on your own.  You still love to be in the kitchen, and you want to help when ever possible.  You can make your own breakfast, and you have gotten really good  at measuring, cracking eggs, and even chopping! You have such an affinity for the kitchen, I still think you may be a chef.

Ryan you are so incredibly smart, but you are less confident of your intelligence. Your memory is amazing.  You have such an eye for detail and with your memory, I have a tough time keeping up with you.  You struggled all year with your reading, but in the last few months you have really blossomed. You are reading easily things that had you frustrated only weeks ago.  I am so proud of your hard work and your tenacity.

You have so many friends, and you even have a "girlfriend".  Sorcha is super sweet and she talks about you to her mom all the time.  You must like her a lot as you named one of your Lego ships the Sorcha. She recently came over for a play date and the three of you ran around and had a blast for 7 hours.

You are so competitive, and such a perfectionist.  (I'm sorry about that sweetie, but you come by those attributes naturally. We will work on using that to your advantage)You remind me of your Daddy, not just in looks, but in your quick wit and one liners.  For someone so young, you have a very well developed sense of humor. 

I am so thankful that you still want to cuddle me.  All I need is a book and you are all over me!  You still spontaneously give me a hug, just because, and it melts me. I hope you never loose that loving, kind spirit of yours.

Happy Birthday my precious, sweet, loving boy!

I like butterflies, picking strawberries, long walks at the beach and red pepper marinara shooters

We've been extraordinarily busy, after the post birthday party let down, we spent our birthday at the Wild Animal Park with our classmates from preschool.

It was a bit chaotic, something like 15 kids, 10 classmates and their siblings, but all of the kids were really well behaved, and everyone seemed to have a really fun time.

We specifically went to see the butterflies, and got a special treat, any kid who wanted to was able to hold a butterfly on their hands.




The boys really enjoyed our second trip to the Butterfly Exhibit this season. We may even try to get one last trip in before the exhibit closes.

This weekend was our March for Babies walk. We had a great team walking with us, including the boys' friend Tobin. The three boys "rode" (we did a lot of pushing and steering) their tricycles almost the entire three miles. We did have to make pit stops in order to add gas to our tricycles, put air in our tires, and check our oil. The three of them made it quite fun.

Since we were in Encinitas, and Solana Beach is so close, and in Solana Beach is Pizza Port, of course we had to stop in for lunch. We had the time, only because our little buddy Colin got sick and therefore his first birthday party was canceled. So sorry for Colin, but my boys made the best of it.

Ryan has a love of spicy foods, and he showed us all just how much, he poured, I mean poured red peppers on his tiny little bite of pizza and devoured it. Scott is trying to limit his shaking of the red peppers here, but no dice.

He also poured red peppers into the marinara sauce we used for dipping our beer buddies and did shooters. He also licked the plate clean but, this is not a post about table manners.


After Pizza Port we raced to our friend Zachary's birthday party. (yes, we were going to try to do a three mile walk, and two birthday parties in one morning!)


We only stayed an hour, and then raced home for naps. We ALL needed naps!


On Sunday we had yet another birthday party to go to. It was really fun, the boys ran around like crazy monkeys, hanging from bars and jumping on things.




But what I really love is this spontaneous show of affection Evan showed Ryan. It always makes my heart so happy when they just hug because.


I did not look in the goody bags before I let the kids dig into them in the car and this is what I found...Two very happy boys eating some chocolate.


The quote of the day from Evan: "I love chocolate. It is the best ever!" (yes, that *is* my child)

Evan at Four

Evan. My love. My sweet.

You are my performer. My ham. You love to sing. LOVE to sing. You know more songs than a kid your age should. You sing spontaneously. It is hysterical. I love it when you burst into the Star Spangled Banner, or Oh, Canada, just because you are feeling it. When you sing Hallelujah I alternate between laughter and tears, it is just so wonderful. Your current favorite song is Defying Gravity from the musical Wicked. You make these facial expressions that kill me. You know how to work it by flashing a grin, or looking coyly out the tops of your eyes. It would not shock me to see you on American Idol, or Broadway someday.

You love sports. Hockey, is your favorite (yes!). You love to pretend you are a hockey player, basketball player, baseball player, golfer, tennis player, football guy (kicker or long snapper are your favorite positions) You crack me up because when you play hockey you are always Jack Johnson, and you tell your brother he is Drew Doughty. It is really amazing the way you picked up on those two players. I guess you are going to take after your Daddy and play defense. You are also very interested in playing Kayak Polo. You and your brother turn over your little table and pretend it is a kayak. Just a little longer and we will have you in a boat!

Most significantly this year you have started to eat. Yes, I said eat. You still eat PAINFULLY SLOW, but you are eating almost everything. You are my adventurous one. You will try anything. Which is interesting since you had such difficulty with food. I hope you don't grow up with food issues, but I really need you to start eating more! I hope by this time next year I'll be done saying "Eat Evan" every ten seconds at every meal.

You are in constant motion. Physically and verbally. You run around, literally run, and your mouth is giving running commentary. Your vocabulary is astonishing. You use words like "askew", "amazing", "spectacular" "concerned", "appropriate" and "disappointed" in proper context. It cracks me up when you bust out a "big counter". You use phrases that are equally funny coming out of the mouth of a four year old. (I can't remember them just now, but I will add some when I remember/hear them.)

You are also the boy to most likely bust out the "I love you" for no reason other than you felt it at the moment. You also say things like "I want to hug you" or "I want to kiss you" It makes my heart melt that you feel so much love. You love to give me your impish grin face, especially when you are up going potty in the middle of the night. That face is usually followed by an "I love you." You certainly know how to play us, because even if it is the third time in an hour that you have to pee, it's hard to be angry with That Face.

You are so passionate. You LOVE everything. When you like something, it is LOVE. Currently your list includes, black speakers, microphones, lady bugs, the Statue of Liberty, American flags, the Stanley Cup, and of course...Cacti.

You are really a polite kid. You say please, thank you and I'm sorry about that almost all of the time. You are concerned for your brother, and always want to make sure he has what he needs, as long as it is not what you want.

You are also a very sensitive boy. You want to please, and you want others to be happy. You constantly ask me "Are you happy?" or "Are you happy with me?" You have also inherited your Mom and Dad's competitive nature. "Did I win?" is a common question around here. You get upset when someone raises their voice to you, but you do your best not to cry. It is quite adorable. Your lower lip gets shaky and the tears well up in your eyes, and all hearts around you melt.

Your laugh is infectious. You laugh with your whole body. I love to hear the sound of your laughter. It is the sound of true joy. I hope you always find something to laugh that deeply about, every day of your life.

Your teachers love you too. They think that you might be running the school before long. Politician, performer, class president, all things that you may become. You show a kindness for your classmates and want to know what is going on with them. You show a GREAT enthusiasm for everything. You go big or go home. Your verbal abilities have sometimes made it tough especially in the early days, most of the kids didn't know how to keep up with you and your language. I know how they feel!

You are so bright and engaged. You learn things at lightning speed. You are definitely pre-reading, you know your letters (upper case and most lower case) you can identify numbers up to ten, and you are working very hard on the sounds those letter make. You also have a few sight words...making me most proud is that Hockey is one of them! You have memorized so many books, it makes me smile from the top of my head to the bottom of my toes to hear you "read" all by your self.

Your memory is sometimes frightening. The details you can remember from a year ago, or even longer shock me. Sometimes I don't know what you are talking about and it takes me quite a few minutes to figure it out.

You and your brother play so well together, you have such a closeness. You also fight like cats and dogs. You have your own way with each other, a twin thing? or a brother thing? Either way it is rooted in love.

Evan, Boysenberry, E-Diddy, E-dog, Evie, Evan Evan bo bevin, punkin pie, punkin muffin, love bug. I love you so much it makes my heart hurt. My life was so empty before you filled every single space with your joy, with your PASSION. What would I ever do with out you? I did not know joy, or love, or passion, until I met you.

Happy Birthday my sweet.

Fourth Birthday parties down, how many more to go?

Back six months ago or so, the boys and I were having a discussion and the topic of their birthday cakes from last year came up. It always shocks me just how much they remember from year to year. They both remembered that Ryan had a truck cake and Evan a guitar cake, a red guitar. I decided to see what they would say if I asked them what they wanted for cakes this year. Evan immediately said, "A CACTI!" Ryan was more thoughtful and pondered the question for a while and then he determined that a puppy cake would be best for him.

Here is where I should have remembered that I am NOT a professional cake decorator, and I have never worked with fondant before, I was not great at three dimensional projects in art class, and I am NOT Duff Goldman.

After hours of baking, kneading, coloring, rolling, cursing, pulling hair, and hand wringing.
This is what we ended up with.



My first attempt at the cactus ended in all of the rice krispy treats falling off. I determined that the copper fittings Scott used were too slippery and there was nothing for the treats to hold on to. So appropriately for this household we wrapped the entire cactus in hockey tape. That did it.


With Snoopy's Dog house I had structural issues. The top part of the cake was too heavy for the base, even though I had reinforced it with dowels, and it all started to collapse, about three hours before the party. In this picture you can see the retrofit Scott engineered. Basically the bottom cake is toast, Scott built a platform, and attached four PVC pipes to it the top cake sat on top and I had to make more frosting to cover up the wood pieces.


With cake disasters narrowly averted. We were on to the PAR-TEE!

We had dozens of kids, their parents, friends, and family, somewhere around 60 in total. It was a bit chaotic, but what in our lives isn't?

The Helen Woodward Animal Center came out and brought animals for the kids to learn about, and even touch. They also provided a craft and we would have had games too but at this age the kids were more interested in some OTHER things in the backyard.


And while learning about a Bunny, a boa constrictor, a dove and a guinea pig are awesome. Climbing on rocks













The most important thing is the boys had a wonderful party and enjoyed their day so much. They went to bed tired and happy boys, Mom and Dad were just tired.

Three years ago

Celebrating the boys birthday is always a challenge. I love a party, and I have to admit it isn't a day or two after Christmas and I'm already trying to figure out what our theme will be for our April birthday party. I can't help it, I'm a planner.

But, in all of my planning frenzy, I STILL can't help think, "three years ago I was..." and fill in the blanks. The first year was the hardest. They were still so medically fragile. The second year was tough too because well, they were two! This year, well this year was easier I have to admit, however I still find myself struggling with the memories. They are still so tangible, so clear, still. so. painful. Raw, not so much.

I look at my beautiful, perfect little men, and I marvel at how far they have come. Yet I can't help but think of them like this...
Its hard to believe that they have become this:






All of the planning, and baking, and stuff...ends up being worth it. They enjoyed their day, just running around EVERYWHERE. Being the centers of attention. I enjoyed their pure happiness, and not once during the day did I think, "three years ago..."


(and yes, I did a horrible job documenting their birthday party...and I only have about 5 pictures)

Ce-le-brate good times, whoo hoo.

It's a big day around here. Three years ago today Ryan and Evan made their grand appearance into this world. At a whopping 955 grams a piece these two little fighters defied all of the odds to just survive their first week let alone make home.

Today we celebrate their third birthday. The third year of life. Three years of laughter, love, tears, tantrums, hugs and kisses. Today we celebrate life.



And tell me aren't those the faces of boys that know how to celebrate life?

Saturday is the big party, but there was cause for celebration today, not just the whole birthday thing...

See this plate with a piece of pizza? The child's spoon is in there for size comparison.

It's small yes, BUT........



This is what the plate looked like after Evan worked on it for 45 minutes. That was THE MOST he has ever eaten...EVER. (I'm tearing up just writing about this) He did not want to stop eating his pizza. Every time I suggested we move on he covered his plate with his hands and said no. He just kept putting bite after tiny bite into his mouth and swallowing and swallowing. I don't know what, or why, or how. I'm knocking on wood, holding my breath, crossing my fingers. And baby, I'M CELEBRATING!

Two years, 55 Adults, and 13 toddlers...what was I thinking?

Yesterday we held the boys birthday bash. Are we exhausted today. The boys were so worn out, they slept in until 7:30 this morning. Generally wake up around here is between 6:00 and 6:30, so that extra hour was like finding a million bucks. Ah yes, and there was nary a peep from either boy all night. (now that's a gift) Also, thank goodness my Mom was here, she did so much work helping us prep and clean up.

I once loved entertaining, and I actually still do but it is considerably more difficult these days. There is nothing more fun than having a bunch of your friends over to eat, drink and be merry. Be it store bought or long slaved in a hot kitchen, good friends and good conversation are the key components. However post children good conversation consists of something more like this:


"So, what have you been up to?"
"Evan, noooo."
"Wow, how exciting, wha....Ryan, we don't eat trash"
"When did you...Evan, we don't stand on the slide"
"Does someone have poop in their pants?"

and good food, well, is usually eaten so fast that it's hard to tell the difference between good, and horse meat.


We had 55 adults and kids, plus 11 toddlers (not including our two) under 3 here today. I'm not sure what I was thinking except that there were a lot of people that a)hadn't seen the boys, EVER. or b) hadn't seen the boys in a long while and/or c) were our good friends. Those three things make for a large party.


I decided on a bubble theme so we had lots of bubble wands, plus we set up our sand table, water table and the swing set we got for the boys birthday. Oh, and we made sure all of our ride on outdoor toys were available. (cars, slides, airplanes) There were lots of other things, you know, food, cake, drinks, etc. The important thing is the boys had a BLAST, we got to see 65 of our closest friends and relatives, and we all survived!

I have to say that there were large chunks of time that I had NO IDEA where my kids were. With 55 adults around, I suppose that isn't a huge problem. If someone had started climbing our rocks, well, I'm sure there would have been an adult or two that stopped them, right? But because I had these lapses in parenting, I was able to have some nearly complete conversations. Wow how nice it was. Yes, I was distracted by the other 64 or so guests, making sure that the food stayed restocked, and occasionally grabbing one of the other 11 kids out of the grasp of danger, but really this was a great way to get some adult conversation. Now I know, a 5 to 1 ratio should be fine.


Many of our friends and relatives noted how well behaved all of the kids were. They seemed down right shocked that there were no fights or tantrums. I wasn't. We have great friends with great kids. The parents were all there to step in before anything got out of hand, even if I wasn't!


There was one moment when I realized I could only see Evan. I got a wee bit panicked. I shouted "Has anyone seen Ryan?" and I got a lot of No's. Then all of a sudden he toddled out from behind a table responding to my call. He had playdough in his hand, a grin on his face, and he greeted me with a big "HIIII!" Whew.


I was shocked (and very proud) at how independent the boys were. Evan has been having some issues with clingy-ness and so I thought he might be glued to one of us during the whole occasion, but NOOOO. These boys were happy as two pigs in mud. Running around the yard and house with no restrictions. I'd get drive-by hugs, or smiles, and then they were off again. Playing with this or that, talking to one of their admirers or just being. The only time they got a bit clingy, was at the very end of the night, which is to be expected. The distractions were fewer, they were beyond tired, and it had been a Long, Long day.



Tobin LOVES Cake. It's his favorite thing.
Dad (Jamie) and Dylan (with chocolate cupcake face) Tyler (with identical chocolate cupcake face) with Mom (Lindsey)

(Gosh, I hope I got those right, I'm usually better at telling the boys apart, but the chocolate, it's distracting me!)

The Birthday Boys enjoying some cupcakes of their own

Cousin Madison, and Auntie Shelley (along with Uncle Todd, and Cousin Cassie) came down to help us celebrate Ryan walking Philip and buddy Tobin out, thanking them for coming, and hoping they'll come again soon

I didn't get pictures of all of our friends, I hope others who took pictures will pass them along, please (smile), but one of the most remarkable things about this group of kids is of the 13 toddlers, 7 had prolonged stays in the NICU with us, (okay none as long as us, but really, how many babies stayed as long as us?) and one more had a very short stay. It is a true testament to the parents of these kids (and the wonderful care we received in the NICU), most of whom were so terribly sick, that they are all thriving, energetic, bright lights in our lives. When you look at the statistics for preemies, and then you look at our children, all I can say is wow. I'm so proud to call all of you fellow alums of the NICU. As for the other 5 kids, well, you know, you're pretty special too.

Thanks to everyone who came out to help us celebrate.