The Many Faces of Poop

WARNING**** if you are at all squeamish about body functions, or bananas*, (Eric) stop reading, and wait until I get around to a post less offensive to you.

In the lives of new parents, poop is a major source of conversation and consternation. I can't tell you the number of times Scott has opened a conversation with me with "Has Ryan/Evan pooped today?" (oh--some say the romance dies once you have kids, how wrong they are!) We are consumed with the bowel movements of our kids. I think most parents are concerned with the regularity of their children, it's just something that happens. A kid can get constipated and not poop for a couple of days, a kid could be sick and have diarrhea, a kid could swallow something foreign and you are waiting for it to pass...all really good reasons to be concerned with the poop.

Poop is not a fun thing to deal with even on a good day. Seriously, who REALLY wants to clean smelly, sticky, sometimes a little older and crustier than you'd like, poop off someone elses butt? Only because it is your beloved child, and because the thought of potty training is FAR FAR worse, do you muster the ability to change poop filled diapers, day after day, sometimes hour after hour, and even worse, some days minute after minute.

On the other hand, when those butts are not smeared in poop, they are really the cutest things in the world.

Last year, I had the worst of the worst poop situations. All the males in this house caught that NASTY stomach virus that was going around. Scott was laid out on the couch, throwing up for 72 hours straight, and had I not had two babies with the most disgusting diarrhea emerging from their cute little bottoms, I would have taken him to the hospital. I don't mean a little diarrhea, it was never ending. I keep diapers and wipes in a basket in a corner of the room, during this week of poop up to my earlobes, I had diapers and wipe in two sides of the room (it's really not that big). I was honestly changing a diaper every 5 or 10 minutes. I had the boys double bagged, and I was still changing their clothes at least three times a day. It was messy and smelly and it got EVERYWHERE. These dirty diapers never even made it into the diaper pail. I wrapped each package in a recycled grocery bag (or two), and then put it into a double bagged garbage sack on my front porch. This was the worst of all poop situations...so far.

This week did run a close second. We had a little stomach bug go around. It started with Evan a couple of weeks ago. I refused to believe it was a bug. You know, it could be teeth, anything, he's acting like he is feeling fine, and really he's only had 2 or 3 diarrhea diapers, that's not sick, at least not the way I know sick. Well then Scott got it. (I kind of implied that it might all be in his head, and that he was not sick, so could you please get off the couch and help me with this Christmas wrapping. OKAY I said it out loud, and I think I left out the 'please'.)

I finally gave in and decided it MIGHT be a bug when Ryan woke up at 5:00 screaming and crying, and when I got to him I smelled one of the more foul smells ever. Then I picked him up and felt something wet and a little chunky. Thankfully Scott was sleeping on the couch (not because he refused to help with the wrapping, but because of Evan, and that is a whole different topic) and I whimpered, I need help! We sprang into action, turned on the light to see what were dealing with, and it wasn't pretty. Yep, poop everywhere. He had pooped through the two diapers (we do that at night now after a week of peeing through a single diaper at night) and through his thick jammies. ARGH. YUCK. (oh, yes and it was now on MY HANDS) Somehow we got him out of his clothes and diapers, with out getting too much poop on the living room floor and into the kitchen sink to wash off the poor boy's behind, stomach and legs. (Now I started to draw a traditional bath, and then decided that the sink was quicker, neater and would require less area to scrub with bleach.) I then changed the sheets, washed everything in HOT water, twice, wiped down the mattress, and oh yes, scrubbed my arms and hands like I was preparing for surgery. I still kind of felt like maybe he wasn't sick, (I know-- the ultimate in denial.) until it happened again the VERY NEXT MORNING. I should mention that there were no other incidents throughout the day, and his disposition was for the most part normal, so being in denial was not without good cause. The second morning, sealed it for me, actually, it was that very afternoon, when I was having my lunch and MY stomach started doing back flips when I actually decided that we all must have had some sort of bug!

On the upside, we now know why Ryan was on a hunger strike! and Evan is eating much better since he got rid of that bug!

(*FYI--Bananas have no relevance in this story except that they are another thing that Eric finds disgusting)