I'm not sure when I will have time to post again, so as we are stuck in traffic on the way to the river I thought I would work on this post, a post I've been dreading. Dredging up the past. A past that is not far enough removed to be just "a thing of the past" but far enough away that some dredging is required.
March 30, 2006. Almost two full years ago. A day like any other day. As a pregnant woman carrying twins, I spent a good deal of time engaging in a few very important activities. Going to the bathroom a thousand times a day. Sitting down to rest, and catch my breath after my morning shower. My afternoon Yoplait and Oprah break. And of course the never ending visits to the perinatologist. Now, gynecological exams are never high on the list of fun things that women do, but after 26 weeks of high risk pregnancy, and almost a year of fertility treatments, I was a little blasé about undressing, scooting to the edge of the table, and throwing my feet into the stirrups.
It had been weeks and weeks that I was suffering from back pain. Excruciating back pain. I was working on party favors for my (now) sister-in-laws wedding shower, nothing overly strenuous, I was filling wine glasses with jelly beans. I remember sitting at the table, filling a couple and then having to get down on all fours to relieve the pressure on my back. But no big deal! I was carrying TWINS for goodness sakes. I should expect some discomfort right? I was seeing an acupuncturist, and a chiropractor, and I was “swimming” several times a week. (I use the term swimming loosely, because in reality, it was floating, or treading water, or slowing moving from one end of the pool to the other. It was the glory of being weightless for a short time.) Everything I did took effort, all I could think was I have another 15 weeks of this. It is definitely going to get worse before it gets better. I would literally go to the bathroom, sit back down on the couch, get comfortable, and then I’d have to get up to go to the bathroom again.
In hindsight, the constant urge to urinate, the pain in my back, I was having contractions. I should have said something to my doctor, but I don’t complain, I just assumed that this was all part of being pregnant with twins.
Ah, back to the 30th. I had a routine doctors appointment scheduled so I trudged over to the doctors office, sat in the waiting room, threw my legs into stirrups. We did the usual things, ultrasound, internal, external, heart beats, yada, yada, yada and then something was different.
“Why don’t you get dressed while I find a place for us to talk”
HUH?
Can you hear the axe falling?
“your cervix is shortening”
HUH?
“I’m concerned”
HUH?
“Let’s send you over to Labor and Delivery and have things checked out”
HUH?
Wait one minute, this is not in the plan. I have a very clear plan here. I am leaving to drive by myself to Sacramento tomorrow, they are throwing me a baby shower, I’m not going to miss that am I????
“Let’s wait and see, I’m not going to make that call without further tests”
HUH?
Funny I wasn’t concerned about the babies at this point, I was only worried that I was going to ruin Shelley’s party. I was already thinking, okay, maybe I can’t DRIVE, and certainly not by myself. Maybe I could fly. Yeah, I could fly.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
The First Day of "School"
The boys are still asleep, but I know it won't be long now. I've been very busy this week getting ready to go to the river. (okay, Evan woke up just as I was finishing that sentence. It's now a day later and I'm hoping to get through a post.)
Today was our first Mommy and Me class. I've beendreading anticipating the start of these classes since we enrolled months ago. It's for two year olds, and yes, I know the boys are not yet two, but they are close enough.
I've We've been struggling with Evan in some situations over the last few weeks. He got frightened in music class, in our sensory workshop, and he's been going through some serious Mommy separation anxiety. So much so that for the last week I haven't even been able to leave the room with out him howling and crying, I've even had to put him to sleep at night a couple of times. (That NEVER happens, Daddy ALWAYS puts Evan to sleep, and that's the way Evan likes it.) So, because of all of that, I've been worried that in a tiny classroom full of 18 two year olds, we might have thermo-nuclear meltdown.
They dove right in and started painting. I didn't even need to show them what to do. Evan picked up a brush and started painting the newspaper, and then the paper in front of him, then his face, then me, he laughed and enjoyed every second! This picture of Ryan doesn't capture the fun he was having, but he did have fun. Ryan REALLY enjoyed the outdoor play time. He took this (what the boys called a frog) around the playground about 100 times. They were both surprisingly at ease in this environment, they moved from activity to activity and tried everything. They wandered around the room and found new and exciting things to explore. Outdoors they didn't even seem to need me. I did catch them look for me, and then resume playing. I'm so proud of them, they really handled themselves like little champs. I guess it's just another sign that they are growing up...
Today was our first Mommy and Me class. I've been
My fears were met with this...
They dove right in and started painting. I didn't even need to show them what to do. Evan picked up a brush and started painting the newspaper, and then the paper in front of him, then his face, then me, he laughed and enjoyed every second! This picture of Ryan doesn't capture the fun he was having, but he did have fun. Ryan REALLY enjoyed the outdoor play time. He took this (what the boys called a frog) around the playground about 100 times. They were both surprisingly at ease in this environment, they moved from activity to activity and tried everything. They wandered around the room and found new and exciting things to explore. Outdoors they didn't even seem to need me. I did catch them look for me, and then resume playing. I'm so proud of them, they really handled themselves like little champs. I guess it's just another sign that they are growing up...
Monday, March 24, 2008
Scarred for Life or An Empty Page in the Scrapbook.
We had a fun weekend. Our friends Dylan and Tyler turned two and of course we HAD to be there for the big bash. It was really fun, there was a petting zoo and everything! We really didn't show a lot of interest in the animals, I think there were just too many other things going on. Both boys bounced from one thing to another and back again, which is so un-like them. Usually we have the most amazing attention spans, and are quite focused on our tasks. They weren't the only ones, all of the kids seemed to be running in every direction! What fun! Happy Birthday Dylan and Tyler!!!!
I feel a bit guilty, we didn't do anything for the boys for Easter. It just didn't occur to me. I know here we go with the bad mothering again! I briefly thought it would be fun to dye eggs with the boys, and then just didn't have time in our week. Plus, we had very few eggs. Then I started reading all these blogs, (sure fire way to make you feel inadequate, read other good mothers' blogs) about their Easter egg hunts and all the fun their kids had. Slapping self, "Bad Mother". The intelligent side of me says, they will not remember this, it will not scar them for life and it's not a big deal. The emotional side of me says, oh, darn, I missed a photo opportunity, now, their baby books are going to be missing their egg hunt pictures from 2008. The intelligent side of me says, the boys had way a lot more fun at the beach. The emotional side of me says darn it, I suck.
On the good mother side, we had a wonderful morning at the beach. Neither boy wanted to have anything to do with the water at first. Evan actually asked to go about 3 minutes after we got there. After some walking, picking up rocks and throwing them in to the water, we warmed to the idea of this beach/ocean thing. Okay that's putting it mildly. Scott had Ryan and I had Evan and we were all standing just inside the high tide mark. As waves rolled in, we'd let the boys feet get wet and then we'd say "Jump" and we'd jump over the waves. We did this over and over and over and over. We'd also pick them up and carry them like an airplane over the water and they'd reach down and splash in the water and squeal with delight. This lasted over an hour. My feet were frozen, the boys were wet to their hips and armpits, they were happy. Until we tried to get them to leave. We did the 5 minute warning, we said goodbye to the waves, and we had lots of tears and screaming as we walked back to the car. Evan cried in my arms "WAH-WAH, WAH-WAH" while pointing to the ocean, desperately trying to get free from my death grip. If I had let him go, he'd have slid down the cliffs and jumped head-long into the ocean. I guess we are going to have to add the beach to our regular outings, I could use some volunteers!
We (I) may have failed to fill Easter baskets of love, but we certainly filled the day with it!
P.S. I promise to do better next year.
I feel a bit guilty, we didn't do anything for the boys for Easter. It just didn't occur to me. I know here we go with the bad mothering again! I briefly thought it would be fun to dye eggs with the boys, and then just didn't have time in our week. Plus, we had very few eggs. Then I started reading all these blogs, (sure fire way to make you feel inadequate, read other good mothers' blogs) about their Easter egg hunts and all the fun their kids had. Slapping self, "Bad Mother". The intelligent side of me says, they will not remember this, it will not scar them for life and it's not a big deal. The emotional side of me says, oh, darn, I missed a photo opportunity, now, their baby books are going to be missing their egg hunt pictures from 2008. The intelligent side of me says, the boys had way a lot more fun at the beach. The emotional side of me says darn it, I suck.
On the good mother side, we had a wonderful morning at the beach. Neither boy wanted to have anything to do with the water at first. Evan actually asked to go about 3 minutes after we got there. After some walking, picking up rocks and throwing them in to the water, we warmed to the idea of this beach/ocean thing. Okay that's putting it mildly. Scott had Ryan and I had Evan and we were all standing just inside the high tide mark. As waves rolled in, we'd let the boys feet get wet and then we'd say "Jump" and we'd jump over the waves. We did this over and over and over and over. We'd also pick them up and carry them like an airplane over the water and they'd reach down and splash in the water and squeal with delight. This lasted over an hour. My feet were frozen, the boys were wet to their hips and armpits, they were happy. Until we tried to get them to leave. We did the 5 minute warning, we said goodbye to the waves, and we had lots of tears and screaming as we walked back to the car. Evan cried in my arms "WAH-WAH, WAH-WAH" while pointing to the ocean, desperately trying to get free from my death grip. If I had let him go, he'd have slid down the cliffs and jumped head-long into the ocean. I guess we are going to have to add the beach to our regular outings, I could use some volunteers!
We (I) may have failed to fill Easter baskets of love, but we certainly filled the day with it!
P.S. I promise to do better next year.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Talk to the Animals
I've been told time and time again that once the boys start talking, their language will just explode. Well I think the fire has been lit.
It's just amazing, it feels like everything I say gets repeated back to me. It may be immediately, or it'll pop up days later in conversation. Currently much of their language is combined with or solely signing, but it's great to know it is there, bubbling at the surface.
Singing at mealtime has always been part of our routine, recently while getting Ryan's sweet potato fries out of the toaster oven I started singing the old song "Let's Call the Whole Thing Off". You know..."You say potato, I say poTAHto, you say tomato, I say toMAHto, potato, poTAHto, tomato, toMAHto, let's call the whole thing off"
A few days later, I poured out Ryan's potatoes on his tray, and said "Here are your potatoes" and then I sat down to feed Evan.
Evan signed "More"
I asked "More what?"
He signed "potatoes"
I handed him one of Ryan's potatoes, "Here you go honey, potato"
He signed "more potato"
I gave him more
He said "aught" (hot)
"yes, they are hot, blow on them"
He signed "more", signed "potato" he said "aught"
This went on for awhile. Finally he modified the word he was saying slightly to say "ong" The light went on in my head. Ding, ding, ding...
POTATO SONG!!!!
Today we went to the Wild Animal Park. We went to see the lions on a whim and we were really lucky. The three lion cubs were out and active. They were pacing in front of the glass, and we were three of only 15 or so guests experiencing the fun. We were pressed up against the glass and as the little lions paced they would walk right past the boys at their eye level. It was so awesome. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up as I watched my boys interacting with the cubs. They would reach out and put their hands against the glass as the lions passed by and squeal with delight as they tumbled around with each other.
At one point the cubs had been away from our particular viewing area for a few minutes, and as they came back Ryan said "Hiiiii, Kitty" Clear as day. I was shocked I asked to myself (as I so often do) did you just say "Hi Kitty?" a man a few feet away chimed in "I heard "Hi Kitty" I heard him say it!"
Let the flood gates open!
It's just amazing, it feels like everything I say gets repeated back to me. It may be immediately, or it'll pop up days later in conversation. Currently much of their language is combined with or solely signing, but it's great to know it is there, bubbling at the surface.
Singing at mealtime has always been part of our routine, recently while getting Ryan's sweet potato fries out of the toaster oven I started singing the old song "Let's Call the Whole Thing Off". You know..."You say potato, I say poTAHto, you say tomato, I say toMAHto, potato, poTAHto, tomato, toMAHto, let's call the whole thing off"
A few days later, I poured out Ryan's potatoes on his tray, and said "Here are your potatoes" and then I sat down to feed Evan.
Evan signed "More"
I asked "More what?"
He signed "potatoes"
I handed him one of Ryan's potatoes, "Here you go honey, potato"
He signed "more potato"
I gave him more
He said "aught" (hot)
"yes, they are hot, blow on them"
He signed "more", signed "potato" he said "aught"
This went on for awhile. Finally he modified the word he was saying slightly to say "ong" The light went on in my head. Ding, ding, ding...
POTATO SONG!!!!
Today we went to the Wild Animal Park. We went to see the lions on a whim and we were really lucky. The three lion cubs were out and active. They were pacing in front of the glass, and we were three of only 15 or so guests experiencing the fun. We were pressed up against the glass and as the little lions paced they would walk right past the boys at their eye level. It was so awesome. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up as I watched my boys interacting with the cubs. They would reach out and put their hands against the glass as the lions passed by and squeal with delight as they tumbled around with each other.
At one point the cubs had been away from our particular viewing area for a few minutes, and as they came back Ryan said "Hiiiii, Kitty" Clear as day. I was shocked I asked to myself (as I so often do) did you just say "Hi Kitty?" a man a few feet away chimed in "I heard "Hi Kitty" I heard him say it!"
Let the flood gates open!
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Laundry Anyone?
I always know I have a serious laundry issue when while desperately trying to get the boys dressed, I spend 15 minutes saying to myself...
"That really doesn't look TOO bad, does it?"
"That really doesn't look TOO bad, does it?"
Monday, March 17, 2008
Good Mom, Bad Mom, Other: The Quiz
Here's a little quiz based on my day.
1. Kids dressed in Green for St. Patrick's Day.
a. Good Mom
b. Bad Mom
c. Other
2. Kids out the door and on the road to the Aquarium by 8:30, even though our play date cancelled.
a. Good Mom
b. Bad Mom
c. Other
3. Feed Ryan all of the fish out of my fish taco because he seems to finally be tiring of Dino Bites.
a. Good Mom
b. Bad Mom
c. Other
4) Didn't slap the woman who scowled at me and my children, who were making a bit of a fuss, and said to her friend, "We HAVE to sit outside" as she looked behind her to where I was standing well within earshot.
a. Good Mom
b. Bad Mom
c. Other
5) Let Ryan eat nothing but Tater Tots and a Tortilla for dinner.
a. Good Mom
b. Bad Mom
c. Other
6) Encourage bad behavior by laughing at it.
a. Good Mom
b. Bad Mom
c. Other
Answers:
1) B- Bad Mom. Sure the boys were in Green, but here's how that happened. Realized after both boys were dressed that it was St. Patrick's Day. Luckily Evan already had on green. Changed Ryan's shirt, feeling like a Good Mom. Gave Evan meds, he spit out a little Septra on his green shirt, thought oh well, that's not much, I'll wipe it off after I get this Prilosec in to him. Evan spits out most of the Prilosec all over his green shirt. Curse under breath. Feeling like a Bad Mom. Change Evan's shirt in to the last green shirt in the drawer. Leave him in red socks, even though his shirt is blue and green...Bad Mom.
2) A-Good Mom. Although I may need to be more creative since by 10:30 they were both signing "go" I guess they are getting bored.
3) B- Bad Mom. I've not been able to entice my child to eat anything but Dino Bites for the past 6 months, and now he is getting tired of them. Oh what to do since he won't eat anything else either.
4) C- Other. Good Mom for not being hauled into the pokey for assault. Bad Mom for letting an unhappy, cranky, woman bother me so much that I wanted to slap her. Bad Mom for hoping Ryan would have a meltdown so I could take him outside and sit him right next to her and let him shriek.
5) C- OTHER. Man I tried. The whole story is, we went to CostCo to do a little shopping. (if you can ever just do "a little" shopping at CostCo) They were sampling this chicken, pre-cooked strips, you know for salads or pasta, etc. I gave Ryan a little sample, and he LOVED it. Now remember, this is just sliced chicken breast, sauteed in an electric skillet at CostCo. He ate his piece, my piece and then asked me (with signs) all down the next aisle, "More, Please" and he'd grin and say. "yum" which comes out more like "ee-um". So being the good mother, I circled around again and got him a couple more pieces, and picked up a 20 pound bag for home. I thought to myself "SCORE" another food Ryan will eat, and BONUS it's not fried! We get home, I make the dang chicken, and some tater tots to go along with it (it's been a while since he's had tater tots and I thought I'd give him a treat since he was eating non-fried chicken for dinner) and guess what happens, I know you can. SHRIEKING, yep. He kept signing Chicken, and saying "Bok, Bok" I kept trying to get him to understand the logic that this was the same chicken, that not 30 minutes ago he was excitedly gobbling every sample he could get his little hands on. No luck.
6) B-Bad Mom. Ryan's new favorite word is No. And it is so darn cute when he says it that I can't help but laugh and encourage him to say it more. It's clear he isn't 100% on the meaning yet, here's a typical conversation:
Me: Ryan, Are you ready to go?
Ry: NNNNNNOOooouh
Me: No?
Ry: NNNNNNOOooouh
Me: Do you love Snoopy?
Ry: NNNNNNOOooouh
Me: (laughing) NO? Oh, that's too bad, Snoopy loves you.
Ry: NNNNNNOOooouh
Me: NNNNNNOOooouh
Ry: NNNNNNOOooouh
Me: (really laughing) NNNNNNOOooouh
Ry: NNNNNNOOooouh
Ev: Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, no, no, no, no. NNNNNNOOooouh
Me: (Laughing so hard it hurts)
We can go on like this all day.
1. Kids dressed in Green for St. Patrick's Day.
a. Good Mom
b. Bad Mom
c. Other
2. Kids out the door and on the road to the Aquarium by 8:30, even though our play date cancelled.
a. Good Mom
b. Bad Mom
c. Other
3. Feed Ryan all of the fish out of my fish taco because he seems to finally be tiring of Dino Bites.
a. Good Mom
b. Bad Mom
c. Other
4) Didn't slap the woman who scowled at me and my children, who were making a bit of a fuss, and said to her friend, "We HAVE to sit outside" as she looked behind her to where I was standing well within earshot.
a. Good Mom
b. Bad Mom
c. Other
5) Let Ryan eat nothing but Tater Tots and a Tortilla for dinner.
a. Good Mom
b. Bad Mom
c. Other
6) Encourage bad behavior by laughing at it.
a. Good Mom
b. Bad Mom
c. Other
Answers:
1) B- Bad Mom. Sure the boys were in Green, but here's how that happened. Realized after both boys were dressed that it was St. Patrick's Day. Luckily Evan already had on green. Changed Ryan's shirt, feeling like a Good Mom. Gave Evan meds, he spit out a little Septra on his green shirt, thought oh well, that's not much, I'll wipe it off after I get this Prilosec in to him. Evan spits out most of the Prilosec all over his green shirt. Curse under breath. Feeling like a Bad Mom. Change Evan's shirt in to the last green shirt in the drawer. Leave him in red socks, even though his shirt is blue and green...Bad Mom.
2) A-Good Mom. Although I may need to be more creative since by 10:30 they were both signing "go" I guess they are getting bored.
3) B- Bad Mom. I've not been able to entice my child to eat anything but Dino Bites for the past 6 months, and now he is getting tired of them. Oh what to do since he won't eat anything else either.
4) C- Other. Good Mom for not being hauled into the pokey for assault. Bad Mom for letting an unhappy, cranky, woman bother me so much that I wanted to slap her. Bad Mom for hoping Ryan would have a meltdown so I could take him outside and sit him right next to her and let him shriek.
5) C- OTHER. Man I tried. The whole story is, we went to CostCo to do a little shopping. (if you can ever just do "a little" shopping at CostCo) They were sampling this chicken, pre-cooked strips, you know for salads or pasta, etc. I gave Ryan a little sample, and he LOVED it. Now remember, this is just sliced chicken breast, sauteed in an electric skillet at CostCo. He ate his piece, my piece and then asked me (with signs) all down the next aisle, "More, Please" and he'd grin and say. "yum" which comes out more like "ee-um". So being the good mother, I circled around again and got him a couple more pieces, and picked up a 20 pound bag for home. I thought to myself "SCORE" another food Ryan will eat, and BONUS it's not fried! We get home, I make the dang chicken, and some tater tots to go along with it (it's been a while since he's had tater tots and I thought I'd give him a treat since he was eating non-fried chicken for dinner) and guess what happens, I know you can. SHRIEKING, yep. He kept signing Chicken, and saying "Bok, Bok" I kept trying to get him to understand the logic that this was the same chicken, that not 30 minutes ago he was excitedly gobbling every sample he could get his little hands on. No luck.
6) B-Bad Mom. Ryan's new favorite word is No. And it is so darn cute when he says it that I can't help but laugh and encourage him to say it more. It's clear he isn't 100% on the meaning yet, here's a typical conversation:
Me: Ryan, Are you ready to go?
Ry: NNNNNNOOooouh
Me: No?
Ry: NNNNNNOOooouh
Me: Do you love Snoopy?
Ry: NNNNNNOOooouh
Me: (laughing) NO? Oh, that's too bad, Snoopy loves you.
Ry: NNNNNNOOooouh
Me: NNNNNNOOooouh
Ry: NNNNNNOOooouh
Me: (really laughing) NNNNNNOOooouh
Ry: NNNNNNOOooouh
Ev: Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah, no, no, no, no. NNNNNNOOooouh
Me: (Laughing so hard it hurts)
We can go on like this all day.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
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