As I kissed him goodnight this evening, I got a bit teary.
Overcome.
I am struggling for the words to explain the emotions.
I think when you go through an experience like a pre-term birth, followed by an extended NICU stay, filled with complication after complication, you always (even more than four years later) fight with a bit of post traumatic stress.
The feelings rear their ugly heads at the strangest times (and the most obvious ones). They fill you up from your heart out. It's like a slow burning. Like heart burn only deeper in your chest, its in your soul.
Intellectually, I know he will be fine, better than ever.
Emotionally, I'm a wreck. All over the map. Cleverly held together by two little boys who don't know what to do when their Momma cries.
My
1 comment:
I think it's time for a PTSD support group meeting! Although I am not physically allowed to leave the house tomorrow - know that I will be with you in spirit and easily reached by phone, text and/or email should you need me for ANYTHING! My heart hurts for you - I know how hard this is, coupled with everything else you've already been through - enough is enough! However, I also know what an amazing and resilient little boy Ryan is (hmmmm, wonder where he gets that) and that he will be right as rain in no time. Sending hugs, love and good thoughts your way.
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