Epic Fail

So I just had one of those Mommy Dearest moments. I've never had one before. I feel like a real shit. I just want to cry I feel so, so, bad. ARGH.

I was in the Ryan's bedroom for no more than, 3 minutes. I was looking for some 4T pants for Evan and switching out which drawers they belong in. (I still can't find the jeans I was looking for and I have no idea where they are.) Again, super short time, boys were getting ready for bed, something they are perfectly capable of doing unsupervised.

I return to the living room to hear something about lotion not coming off, and find Ryan and Evan in the bathroom, COVERED, in Ryan's $18 a jar lotion. It was a full jar, it is now about half empty. Ryan had almost an inch thick of lotion on his legs and feet, his foot was in the sink as he was trying to wash it off. Yeah, this stuff does not just wash off, that's the point of it.

Evan's hands were, well, totally white, as he had done the majority of the application on Ryan's legs, and he had gobs of lotion on his hands and in between his fingers.

There was lotion on the tile, on the carpet, and on the couch. Have I mentioned that this stuff is super thick, oily, greasy, staining thick, stuff.

I LOST IT. I yelled. I admit it. I yelled. I made Evan cry because I yelled.

And then I cried, because, I made my baby cry, and I didn't know where to begin cleaning the mess up. I'm still shaking I'm so upset.

I gave them their snacks an put them straight to bed, partly so I could clean it all up, and partly for their own protection.

I can sit here an justify my actions, the end of a long and very difficult day that had multiple timeouts, and bodily injuries to each other. Lots of boy fights and just bad behavior. Scott gone all weekend so I had no respite, and will have none until Saturday, and knowing this is going to be a long week for him at work, which means a lot of long nights alone for me and the boys, after a weekend of no respite. But I know people have it much, much worse than me, husbands that are gone on tours, or consistently work late, or are just not in the picture. I know that one weekend is and shouldn't be a big deal and I REALLY shouldn't complain or use it as an excuse for MY bad behavior, but it's all I have.

I was a bad mom tonight. I yelled at my precious boys. I fell like a shit.

I was also a good mom, and I apologized for over reacting. I explained that what they did was not acceptable, but neither was my reaction, and I was going to go sit in timeout until I felt like being nice. (or stopped beating myself up about it, whichever comes first.)

Sigh.


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On a lighter note, which I think we totally need to end on...here are a few things that have been said around here that have made me laugh.

Evan: when I fart in bed, I cover it up with a blanket so I don't smell it.

Evan: Ryan do you love me
Evan: Yes, I love you but I don't like your behavior.

Evan: My last name is Babe Ruth Ostrem
Ryan: My last name is Joltin' Joe

Evan: I love you mama
Me: I love you too sweetie.
Evan: Thank you for loving me.
Me: (on the floor in a puddle)