Ryan at Four

Oh Ryan, my love, my first born.

This year has seen so many changes in you. The constant, the one thing that doesn't change, is your heart. It is so full of love, compassion and kindness. It brings me to tears thinking about your ability to love and to show love. You are always concerned when some one else is crying. You try to comfort your brother when he is sad. You are thoughtful and considerate. You are well mannered. You are my Ryan.

Your language is rich and full. You love to tell me about your days at school. Your teachers tell me that you make sure that everyone is where they need to be. Not in a bossy way, but in a helpful manner. They love you at school, your teachers are a perfect fit for you. Kind, loving and firm when needed. I am so happy that they report you have a LOVE of learning and that you are a joy to have in the classroom. I'm so glad that school is turning out to be a good experience for you.

You loved stuffed toys, your buddies. Snoopy is your main love, but you have several others that you cuddle. I think you pick someone new every night to cuddle with, but Snoopy is a constant. You really love Dinosaurs and can tell me and anyone who will listen the difference between a Pterodactyl and a Quetzalcoatlus. You love to read more than anything else. If I let you, you would sit and read all day long. I love cuddling with you and reading but sometimes I cannot read another word! Your favorite author right this minute is Bill Peet and we have almost all of his books. I'm not sure which is your favorite, but you seem to bring me Smokey and Cyrus the most. You love blocks, trains, cars and trucks.

You have so many books memorized it is truly amazing. You have an astonishing memory for details. You are so observant I have to be very careful.

You love to make me and others laugh. You have an amazing sense of humor and timing. You think it is funny to make up funny songs and sing them while playing your guitar. You also love to make up stories.

You love to eat. You are not adventurous, but you love a good meal. Odd for a kid your age, you love steak. You are not big on sweets, unless it's M&M's. You've branched out into salads with homemade croutons. You love hot and spicy. You put crushed red peppers on you pizza and eat salsa by the spoonful. You also love to cook. You always want to help in the kitchen and you always ask me how your meals are prepared. It would not shock me to see you on Top Chef someday.

You say the sweetest things. "I love you Mommy because you make my heart happy." "I miss my Evan, I wish he were awake." "It makes me sad to go to the doctor with out Evan, I need him so I don't feel sad." You call me "mommy" or "mother" or "mom" interchangeably, it makes me laugh when you call me "mother".

You are emotional, yet very reserved in front of others, even shy. With us you are starting to show a little defiance/independence. However you like to please so your behavior is easy to direct in the proper direction. Your eyes are soulful. I look into them and see so much more than a four year old boy. And then you start talking about poop and I know you are a four year old boy. You love to make us "pwoud".

You are all boy, and love nothing more than to be outside all day digging, riding or running. You have amazing coordination for a kid so young. You've shown mad skilz in ice skating, bike riding, and soccer this year.

I cannot believe you have been in my life for four years, I cannot believe it has only been four years. I only have brief memories of what life was like before you. I cannot imagine what it would be like if you were not here. You brighten up each and every day. You fill my heart with so much love it is bursting. I love you boysenberry. I love you Ry Ry, Ryley, Ryser, Ryan bo-byan, muffin love, love bug, puppy, my baby boy.

Happy Birthday, my sweet.

Evan at Four

Evan. My love. My sweet.

You are my performer. My ham. You love to sing. LOVE to sing. You know more songs than a kid your age should. You sing spontaneously. It is hysterical. I love it when you burst into the Star Spangled Banner, or Oh, Canada, just because you are feeling it. When you sing Hallelujah I alternate between laughter and tears, it is just so wonderful. Your current favorite song is Defying Gravity from the musical Wicked. You make these facial expressions that kill me. You know how to work it by flashing a grin, or looking coyly out the tops of your eyes. It would not shock me to see you on American Idol, or Broadway someday.

You love sports. Hockey, is your favorite (yes!). You love to pretend you are a hockey player, basketball player, baseball player, golfer, tennis player, football guy (kicker or long snapper are your favorite positions) You crack me up because when you play hockey you are always Jack Johnson, and you tell your brother he is Drew Doughty. It is really amazing the way you picked up on those two players. I guess you are going to take after your Daddy and play defense. You are also very interested in playing Kayak Polo. You and your brother turn over your little table and pretend it is a kayak. Just a little longer and we will have you in a boat!

Most significantly this year you have started to eat. Yes, I said eat. You still eat PAINFULLY SLOW, but you are eating almost everything. You are my adventurous one. You will try anything. Which is interesting since you had such difficulty with food. I hope you don't grow up with food issues, but I really need you to start eating more! I hope by this time next year I'll be done saying "Eat Evan" every ten seconds at every meal.

You are in constant motion. Physically and verbally. You run around, literally run, and your mouth is giving running commentary. Your vocabulary is astonishing. You use words like "askew", "amazing", "spectacular" "concerned", "appropriate" and "disappointed" in proper context. It cracks me up when you bust out a "big counter". You use phrases that are equally funny coming out of the mouth of a four year old. (I can't remember them just now, but I will add some when I remember/hear them.)

You are also the boy to most likely bust out the "I love you" for no reason other than you felt it at the moment. You also say things like "I want to hug you" or "I want to kiss you" It makes my heart melt that you feel so much love. You love to give me your impish grin face, especially when you are up going potty in the middle of the night. That face is usually followed by an "I love you." You certainly know how to play us, because even if it is the third time in an hour that you have to pee, it's hard to be angry with That Face.

You are so passionate. You LOVE everything. When you like something, it is LOVE. Currently your list includes, black speakers, microphones, lady bugs, the Statue of Liberty, American flags, the Stanley Cup, and of course...Cacti.

You are really a polite kid. You say please, thank you and I'm sorry about that almost all of the time. You are concerned for your brother, and always want to make sure he has what he needs, as long as it is not what you want.

You are also a very sensitive boy. You want to please, and you want others to be happy. You constantly ask me "Are you happy?" or "Are you happy with me?" You have also inherited your Mom and Dad's competitive nature. "Did I win?" is a common question around here. You get upset when someone raises their voice to you, but you do your best not to cry. It is quite adorable. Your lower lip gets shaky and the tears well up in your eyes, and all hearts around you melt.

Your laugh is infectious. You laugh with your whole body. I love to hear the sound of your laughter. It is the sound of true joy. I hope you always find something to laugh that deeply about, every day of your life.

Your teachers love you too. They think that you might be running the school before long. Politician, performer, class president, all things that you may become. You show a kindness for your classmates and want to know what is going on with them. You show a GREAT enthusiasm for everything. You go big or go home. Your verbal abilities have sometimes made it tough especially in the early days, most of the kids didn't know how to keep up with you and your language. I know how they feel!

You are so bright and engaged. You learn things at lightning speed. You are definitely pre-reading, you know your letters (upper case and most lower case) you can identify numbers up to ten, and you are working very hard on the sounds those letter make. You also have a few sight words...making me most proud is that Hockey is one of them! You have memorized so many books, it makes me smile from the top of my head to the bottom of my toes to hear you "read" all by your self.

Your memory is sometimes frightening. The details you can remember from a year ago, or even longer shock me. Sometimes I don't know what you are talking about and it takes me quite a few minutes to figure it out.

You and your brother play so well together, you have such a closeness. You also fight like cats and dogs. You have your own way with each other, a twin thing? or a brother thing? Either way it is rooted in love.

Evan, Boysenberry, E-Diddy, E-dog, Evie, Evan Evan bo bevin, punkin pie, punkin muffin, love bug. I love you so much it makes my heart hurt. My life was so empty before you filled every single space with your joy, with your PASSION. What would I ever do with out you? I did not know joy, or love, or passion, until I met you.

Happy Birthday my sweet.

Fourth Birthday parties down, how many more to go?

Back six months ago or so, the boys and I were having a discussion and the topic of their birthday cakes from last year came up. It always shocks me just how much they remember from year to year. They both remembered that Ryan had a truck cake and Evan a guitar cake, a red guitar. I decided to see what they would say if I asked them what they wanted for cakes this year. Evan immediately said, "A CACTI!" Ryan was more thoughtful and pondered the question for a while and then he determined that a puppy cake would be best for him.

Here is where I should have remembered that I am NOT a professional cake decorator, and I have never worked with fondant before, I was not great at three dimensional projects in art class, and I am NOT Duff Goldman.

After hours of baking, kneading, coloring, rolling, cursing, pulling hair, and hand wringing.
This is what we ended up with.



My first attempt at the cactus ended in all of the rice krispy treats falling off. I determined that the copper fittings Scott used were too slippery and there was nothing for the treats to hold on to. So appropriately for this household we wrapped the entire cactus in hockey tape. That did it.


With Snoopy's Dog house I had structural issues. The top part of the cake was too heavy for the base, even though I had reinforced it with dowels, and it all started to collapse, about three hours before the party. In this picture you can see the retrofit Scott engineered. Basically the bottom cake is toast, Scott built a platform, and attached four PVC pipes to it the top cake sat on top and I had to make more frosting to cover up the wood pieces.


With cake disasters narrowly averted. We were on to the PAR-TEE!

We had dozens of kids, their parents, friends, and family, somewhere around 60 in total. It was a bit chaotic, but what in our lives isn't?

The Helen Woodward Animal Center came out and brought animals for the kids to learn about, and even touch. They also provided a craft and we would have had games too but at this age the kids were more interested in some OTHER things in the backyard.


And while learning about a Bunny, a boa constrictor, a dove and a guinea pig are awesome. Climbing on rocks













The most important thing is the boys had a wonderful party and enjoyed their day so much. They went to bed tired and happy boys, Mom and Dad were just tired.

Potty Mouths

I honestly do no know where they get it. Lately I have been mortified at the words coming out of my precious babies mouths. Constantly. At breakfast. At lunch. At dinner. At play. It's starting to worry me, bug me, embarrass me.

Here they are sweetly, innocently building pirate ships. So adorable...and moments later I hear...


"This is my Pee Pee, Poo Poo, pirate ship"

We are in the kitchen making one of the cakes I'm going to need for this weekend, and I'm telling them "put this one cup of flour in" and in response I get. "One cup of Poop" followed by fits of boy giggles.

We sing (to the tune of No More Monkeys Jumping on the Bed):
No more poopers pooping on the bed
No more poopers pooping on the bed
that is what the pooper said.

at meals...

Talk of poop and pee has now been banned from the table.

Intellectually I understand that is a good thing. They are working on potty training and it is only natural to explore through language the things they are trying to master. We are making progress (except for today) and they are mastering using the toilet at school. Evan is so proud of himself that he can go all by himself. Ryan still prefers to have help. However Ryan is pooping on the potty 99% of the time. Evan prefers pooping in his underwear. But pee, really, except for today, they are telling me 99% of the time. Although I never thought we'd get there, we are making progress. Can I get a Hallelujah!

But seriously, I am over conversations like this:

Evan: "Ryan, are you a pooper?"
Ryan: "No, I'm a pee pee puppy."
Evan: "Poopy, poop, poop, poop"
Ryan: "Pee, pee, puppy, pee, pee, pee"
Evan: giggles
Ryan: giggles
Me: Rolls eyes, shakes head, secretly smiles.

Words of love and wisdom, by Evan

I read to the kids at school today, and it was such a joy. The boys were so excited to have me in their classroom! The kids play outside before they have their story time. Because Ryan and Evan were so excited for me to be there, they asked to come inside early (can you believe that? thank goodness I was on time), they set up the chairs for us to sit in and were anxiously awaiting my arrival. When all of their classmates came in from playing outside, both boys started shouting "My Mommy is here, My Mom is here! She is going to read!" I'm not sure anything can make you feel more loved than that kind of excitement.

"A friendly cacti said, I love my boy." Evan said hugging his stuffed cactus. "Thank you so much for getting me Cacti from Arizona."

"You can't knock mine down, it is more appropriate for Ryan to knock mine down if I knocked his down." Evan discussing "turn about is fair play" with me, as it applies to blocks.

We had some fun with leftover Livestrong chalk this weekend. I had some fun doing some extra laundry.




Evan asked me the other day, "Mommy, why do you love me?" Oh, Evan, why do I love you? Let me count the ways! (I listed off a bunch of things that nearly had my Mom in tears.) "I love you because you are kind, and sweet, because you are thoughtful, because you make my heart full, because you make me smile, and you make me happy, and because you love so passionately..."

And he does, everything is "Do you know what I love?" "I love...(whatever he is doing, holding, or thinking about at the moment"

For the record, Evan is no longer "assessed" as he now tells me. "I'm not assessed with Black Speakers any more Mom, because I like guitars too." "I'm not assessed with Red any more, because I love pur-pul" "I'm not assessed with..." Oh you get the picture...according to him, he's no longer obsessed.

Me, however? still very "assessed" with my boys.

What we've been up to lately

Going. Constantly.

We've been going to this great park almost every week. The boys love this open field and I mean love it. They run, kick, and throw balls of every type for hours. They tackle, wrestle, and dribble...oh and laugh as they tumble to the ground in a heap.

They also take naps.




We have been celebrating Theodore Geisel's birthday all month at school. They made these "Cat in the Hat" Hats and loved wearing them around the house. We've been working on rhyming a lot because well, it's Dr. Seuss. This morning Ryan came up with this:

One little puppy sitting in the bed
He turned to mama pup and said
"Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof"
what was in his head?


I wonder if that is how Dr. Seuss got started?

The other week we went to the lake with our friend Tobin and Mr. Philip. We decided that we should let the boys ride their bikes around the lake. Philip and I overestimated had no clue pushed our kids too far. For the record. 5 miles is too far. Anything over 3 miles not so much fun for anyone involved.

But it was seriously cute. Three little ones speeding down the path, stopping to look at cacti. What could be better?


On Monday we met my Mom in San Juan Capistrano for a little birthday lunch for me. We did this last year and it was so amazing to me how much the boys remembered about our trip. They told me all about how they were afraid on the train, but then cried because they didn't want to get off. They told me all about feeding the bunnies and guinea pigs, and they told me all about the red jeep they got to ride on.

We got there early, and the boys got some good quality time feeding lettuce, carrots, and broccoli to the animals. We rode the train, with no tears. And, as a total shock to me the boys both wanted to ride the horses. Just recently they had the opportunity to ride little tiny ponies at a friend's house and they both objected, LOUDLY. I was dumbfounded to see them both happy as little jockeys.


Yes, the whole place heard Evan's squeals of delight as he passed in front of this huge cactus.



Ryan's take: "look Evan a Cacti!"

Yesterday, Evan woke up from his nap to go pee pee. Which by the way is the only time they will tell me they have to go to the bathroom, when they are supposed to be sleeping. But a potty training update is well over due and this post is already kind of long. I was watching hockey and heard the call from Evan's room, I paused the game to take him to the potty. He took one look at the TV and said to me in his most stern voice, "What on Earth are you doing?" "No Watching TV!" "NO!" His little finger pointed at my nose. He followed up with, "will you pause it so I can see someone shoot a goal?" I was laughing so hard I'm not sure where the pee went.

Today, and I do not have pictures of this event...Evan lost his glasses.
He and Ryan were running down this big hill at the park and he fell, and off his glasses came. I guess. He got up and got to the bottom and turned around to me and said, "and I ran even when my glasses were off" What? Shoot, where did he fall, where was he exactly on this hill. They are glasses I should be able to find them pretty easily. Right? WRONG?

I LOVE the Amazing Race, and I have to admit I make fun of them when they are doing the "needle in a haystack" challenges and they get all frustrated because they can't find the needle. I always think or say. Calm down, take on the challenge methodically and it is no problem!

About a half an hour into looking for Evan's $250 glasses, I got a little panicky. GRANTED, it was time to go home and have lunch to keep the kids on schedule. But I have to admit, I got a bit frustrated. And heck it's only $250 bucks, not a million. So, I apologize to all I have ridiculed on the Amazing Race. It is hard to find something when you REALLY want to find it, and it is difficult. BUT, I also had two kids to watch WHILE I was searching every inch of that damn hillside for one pair of glasses.

I walked up and down the hill maybe 20 times. I crawled on my hands and knees. Moved almost every single blade of grass. Searched. Methodically walked over every inch. They were no where. And now, it was almost noon. I had resigned myself to calling off the search for now, we'd have to come back after naps, post signs and look some more. I walked almost to the top of the hill where the boys were playing so nicely, to collect them, and lo and behold, right there, almost at the summit, THE GLASSES!

Yeah, I was so sure that he'd lost them when he fell, I'd been concentrating on the bottom section of the hill, um, where he fell! Especially since he told me they fell off when he fell down. I guess they fell off his face before that.

lesson one: Don't take a almost 4 year old's word for anything.
lesson two: Give up sooner and walk up the hill farther to go home.
lesson three: I am VERY allergic to grass, who knew?
lesson four: Don't make fun of racers on the Amazing Race, or now I am better prepared for that road block!

To homeschool or not.

I went to a meeting last night and it scared me.

I have been obsessively stressing thinking a lot about when the boys start Kindergarten. what should we do? Private school is cost prohibitive, and the options near us are not exactly what I see as a good fit for us. Public school is in a state of disrepair. In addition to my opposition to the direction in which a public school education teaches, in preparation for the many, many standardized tests, there is the budget crisis in the State of California.

Last night I was told that next year it is a very strong possibility that the class sizes in our district will go from 24 children (which is already a lot of kids) to as many as 36. WITH. ONE. TEACHER. The principal who was giving this presentation said, "oh, don't worry, years ago we always had 32 or more kids in a class". I was outraged.

(Here is where I'm going to rant a little)
Years ago, we were not expecting our Kindergartners to be reading by the time they left. Years ago we were not expecting that Kindergartners were writing all of their letters and numbers properly. Years ago Kindergartners were not learning to add and subtract. Years ago Kindergartners were learning their letters in Kindergarten. Years ago Kindergartners were socializing in Kindergarten. Kindergarten was preschool. Now we expect 4 and 5 year old children to sit still for 120 minutes of language arts, 60 minutes of math, 30 minutes of science, 30 minutes of social studies, with only 30 minutes for art, music, physical education, 40 minutes for lunch and 40 minutes of snack/recess time. Seriously? Really? This doesn't sound like Kindergarten to me. And I know, broken down like that it sounds worse than it really is. I'm sure the learning is interactive and can be considered play. But does it sound like fun to you? I remember Kindergarten as a fun place. I remember it as a place I started a lifetime of learning to LOVE learning. This sounds like an education testing factory to me.

Everything I have learned about early childhood education has taught me that young children learn best by doing, playing, observing and discussing. Not from worksheets. I have a friend who is a mom of a Kindergartner, her son comes home with a packet of 20 worksheets for homework every month. He is required to write the letter or number on the worksheet 50 times. Wow, that sounds fun and engaging. That sounds like a great way to stifle all of the love for learning right out of a 5 year old.

You know what really pushed me over the edge last night? When one of the teachers said that even now, with 24 student, she spends more time with the kids that really need it, the kids that are behind (behind in Kindergarten mind you) and that the kids that are doing well, have to do so more on their own. Yikes. I DO. NOT. LIKE. THE. SOUND. OF. THAT! Not at all.

So now I am freaking out really stressing.

I love my children, I love being with them. But I think they need to take direction and learn from other adults. I also think I might not have the required patience to teach Kindergarten. I also believe that separation is a good thing.

In a perfect world? I'd find a couple of like minded families, hire a teacher, share the costs and our homes, and my boys would get the best possible education. They would be constantly challenged, without feeling pressured. They would have one on one attention everyday. They would be exposed to anything and everything. They would develop a zeal and true love of learning. Oh, and I wouldn't be the only adult in the room!