We stopped at a little taco shop tonight for dinner. When we pulled into the parking lot, there was a couple getting into their car. I noticed them because she pushed their cart to the island where there were a dozen or more carts already parked. I thought in my head, just because everyone else does it doesn't mean its right. She walked toward us, a little to closely. She kind of got in between our car and Scott and Evan. Something about it, it made me uncomfortable. Scott laughed, oops we are in the way Evan, excuse us. She wandered toward our door, and realized it was not her car. She walked a car down, she walked the ten steps across the parking lot, saying oh, I'm over here. When she got over there, she realized it was not right either. As I looked back over my shoulder. I saw the confusion in her eyes as she looked around desperately searching for where her car was. I also saw the man she was with, finally realizing that she had not come back to the car start to look for her. I said to Scott, oh she was really confused. She really didn't know where she was.
I haven't been able to get her out of my mind all night. I know her male companion found her, he was steps away from her. She was steps away from her car. Literally, she started ten steps, 180 degrees away from her car, and she ended up twenty steps 90 degrees away from her car.
I can't stop thinking I should have helped her. I should have said oh, you are right there. What stopped me? I don't know. My selfish need to get my kids fed more quickly? My fear of making her feel bad? My fear of strangers? That "I grew up in LA" sensibility where you just don't talk to people? The uncomfortable feeling I had when she approached my car? (which I now know was me maybe sensing her confusion?) I don't know.
I don't like it.
I want to teach my children to be kind and compassionate. I did not set a good example. I cannot stop thinking about it. My heart aches because I was so heartless.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Game on
****Updated with video*****
Evan has always loved music. To the point that when we fed him we would sing. It ran the gamut, from Margaritaville, to the Grateful Dead, from Leonard Cohen to John Denver. There were a few songs that always seemed to get him in a good rhythm while drinking a bottle. I sang Do-Re-Me, eight times a day for several months on continuous loop. Soon I was able to add Oh, Canada to the mix, quickly followed by the Star Spangled Banner. The kid loved those songs.
Evan can be a bit obsessive, which I think is normal for this age, I guess it should be no surprise that every night, before bed, Evan and his father sing Hallelujah. And it should be no surprise that every day, and every night, Evan sings The National Anthem on continuous loop. He's been singing it virtually every day for the last six to eight months. In the car, in the living room, and so I am told by his teacher, on the playground, while riding a bike. No trip to Sea World is complete if we do not get there in time to hear the National Anthem. (Seriously, I offered to take them to Sea World on day after our shots, but we were going to miss the National Anthem I gave them the choice of Sea World with no Anthem, or the Zoo. They chose the Zoo.)
The kids still don't watch TV, but they have seen the National Anthem performed a few times, they "saw" the Inauguration, and some of that awesome concert, and some bits and pieces of sports, because sports rule around here. I've also (slaps hand) introduced them to the glory of YouTube. This has been on heavy rotation, so, I thought I'd share our rendition...
Not the most complete performance, but they were a little distracted by me and the camera.
So, if you need an Anthem singer...we also do Oh, Canada if necessary!!!!
Evan has always loved music. To the point that when we fed him we would sing. It ran the gamut, from Margaritaville, to the Grateful Dead, from Leonard Cohen to John Denver. There were a few songs that always seemed to get him in a good rhythm while drinking a bottle. I sang Do-Re-Me, eight times a day for several months on continuous loop. Soon I was able to add Oh, Canada to the mix, quickly followed by the Star Spangled Banner. The kid loved those songs.
Evan can be a bit obsessive, which I think is normal for this age, I guess it should be no surprise that every night, before bed, Evan and his father sing Hallelujah. And it should be no surprise that every day, and every night, Evan sings The National Anthem on continuous loop. He's been singing it virtually every day for the last six to eight months. In the car, in the living room, and so I am told by his teacher, on the playground, while riding a bike. No trip to Sea World is complete if we do not get there in time to hear the National Anthem. (Seriously, I offered to take them to Sea World on day after our shots, but we were going to miss the National Anthem I gave them the choice of Sea World with no Anthem, or the Zoo. They chose the Zoo.)
The kids still don't watch TV, but they have seen the National Anthem performed a few times, they "saw" the Inauguration, and some of that awesome concert, and some bits and pieces of sports, because sports rule around here. I've also (slaps hand) introduced them to the glory of YouTube. This has been on heavy rotation, so, I thought I'd share our rendition...
Not the most complete performance, but they were a little distracted by me and the camera.
So, if you need an Anthem singer...we also do Oh, Canada if necessary!!!!
Friday, November 6, 2009
Evan, Lightning McQueen, and a Lady Bug
Evan has been making great strides in the last few months. He is finding confidence in every aspect of his life.
Until a few days ago, Evan has slept in a porta crib. Not because he doesn't have a bed in his room, but because he refused to sleep in it.
We had two cribs in the boys room, but Evan started waking up five or fifty times a night so we temporarily moved him into the guest room and into a porta crib. It was two years later that he finally started sleeping through the night on a regular basis. By this time, Ryan, my child who resists change, refused to allow Evan to sleep in his room, let alone have any changes made to anything in his bedroom.
Evan also showed a lack of desire to change. We put his bed in his room with really cool guitar sheets. We suggested he might like to sleep in his big boy bed, just like Ryan. Nope. "But I like my crib" he would tell us.
With the crazy amount of "things" he takes to bed each night, Evan was running out of space in his crib. I was getting worried he'd sleep in his crib until his feet had to hang over the top.
We were walking through Target the other day, and saw a cars bed tent with sleeping bag and accessories. Hmm... I wonder. We brought it home and immediately Ryan wanted to use it. Should have bought two. Ryan was quickly over the idea of this new thing in his room, so it moved to Evan's.
The first night we just cuddled and read books in the big boy bed, with the new tent.
The next night he got a bit more brave. He decided he wanted to sleep in the tent. It was a tough night. I think he was up a half a dozen times. He fell out of bed once. He woke up very scared once. But, he stayed in his big boy bed, and in the morning he was very proud to receive a special surprise for it. (a new stuffed lady bug, now known as Baby lady bug to distinguish it from Mama lady bug, who was our special surprise for going pee pee on the potty for the first time ever)
Nap time the next day...slept in his bed, in his tent, like a pro.
He's had a couple of rough nights, but, I feel safe (while knocking on wood) to say that he has successfully transitioned into his big boy bed.
Now, I just have to convince him to let me remove the porta crib.
If not for Lightning McQueen, parenting would be considerably more difficult.
Until a few days ago, Evan has slept in a porta crib. Not because he doesn't have a bed in his room, but because he refused to sleep in it.
We had two cribs in the boys room, but Evan started waking up five or fifty times a night so we temporarily moved him into the guest room and into a porta crib. It was two years later that he finally started sleeping through the night on a regular basis. By this time, Ryan, my child who resists change, refused to allow Evan to sleep in his room, let alone have any changes made to anything in his bedroom.
Evan also showed a lack of desire to change. We put his bed in his room with really cool guitar sheets. We suggested he might like to sleep in his big boy bed, just like Ryan. Nope. "But I like my crib" he would tell us.
With the crazy amount of "things" he takes to bed each night, Evan was running out of space in his crib. I was getting worried he'd sleep in his crib until his feet had to hang over the top.
We were walking through Target the other day, and saw a cars bed tent with sleeping bag and accessories. Hmm... I wonder. We brought it home and immediately Ryan wanted to use it. Should have bought two. Ryan was quickly over the idea of this new thing in his room, so it moved to Evan's.
The first night we just cuddled and read books in the big boy bed, with the new tent.
The next night he got a bit more brave. He decided he wanted to sleep in the tent. It was a tough night. I think he was up a half a dozen times. He fell out of bed once. He woke up very scared once. But, he stayed in his big boy bed, and in the morning he was very proud to receive a special surprise for it. (a new stuffed lady bug, now known as Baby lady bug to distinguish it from Mama lady bug, who was our special surprise for going pee pee on the potty for the first time ever)
Nap time the next day...slept in his bed, in his tent, like a pro.
He's had a couple of rough nights, but, I feel safe (while knocking on wood) to say that he has successfully transitioned into his big boy bed.
Now, I just have to convince him to let me remove the porta crib.
If not for Lightning McQueen, parenting would be considerably more difficult.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Excuse me while I brag a bit
If you don't want to hear how wonderful my kids are, tune out now...
Okay, if you are still here, please excuse me while I crow a bit. We had our first Parent/Teacher Conferences today.
Just the sound of that makes you a little nervous doesn't it.
I went in after yesterday thinking, OH NO. Do I want to hear about what terrors they are in class? What are they going to say? Are we going to get kicked out of preschool?
Seriously, I knew none of those things were going to happen, but with a crazy person like me, all of those thoughts DID run through my head. Several. Times.
Let me tell you. I love a teacher that starts out the conference by saying. "I have no concerns about either of the boys, let me just get that out there right away. I know how stressful these things are!"
Immediately put at ease, and able to focus on the meat of the conference and not the fear of expulsion, I was so happy to hear what she had to say.
Highlights:
The word "Love" or the phrase "I/we love that about..." came up at least 40 times.
Ryan: He's SO sweet. (yeah, I know that about him, he's so squishy) He is more reserved than Evan, but he gets equally excited about school and the things he is doing. He is kind and thoughtful. He cares about his brother and his classmates. He is full of emotions, good, and not so good, but he is learning to manage them in an appropriate manner. He is growing so much socially and in the "school" setting. He has already made improvements in his transitions, and using his words in difficult situations. Developmentally, he is right on track. He is SO observant and is eager to share his observations. He is starting to make meaningful attempts at making letters. He loves the bikes and being outdoors. He is sharing during "meeting time" and he is beginning to play more with his classmates. He loves to read, and FULLY comprehends the stories, he follows along closely and notices every detail.
Evan: He's like a Tasmanian Devil of excitement. He is ALWAYS has a story to share with his teachers. (She cannot wait to hear what he has to say each day) He is extraordinarily verbal, and is starting to understand how to use his words in a social situation. He is learning that he looses his peers if he does not get to the point quickly. He is also learning that he can ask a friend to play with him and they will! He loves to share during "meeting time" and is learning to wait his turn. He loves reading, and is also learning not to interrupt even though he has made a connection and is excited to share it. He is VERY smart and makes those connections VERY quickly, so it is hard for him to contain himself. He is developmentally on track, however his is more cautious with some of the activities that require gross motor skills. They notice that he wont give up, especially if he has seen that Ryan can or has done it. (competitive much? I do not know where he gets that from. *cough, cough*) He does show care and compassion for Ryan. (so, I guess he's going to win, win, win, but love you doing it?)
She ended by telling me how much they love them and how sweet they are. How their behaviors are developmentally appropriate, and this is why we go to preschool. They LOVE their enthusiasm, and their passion.
She also told me that on Tuesday, Evan did indeed sing her the National Anthem. While riding a bike around the playground, for the entire school, in perfect pitch. Apparently all the teachers now know him.
I am so proud of the fact that they are adjusting so well, and that they are not hurting anyone, and that we will not be expelled.
Okay, if you are still here, please excuse me while I crow a bit. We had our first Parent/Teacher Conferences today.
Just the sound of that makes you a little nervous doesn't it.
I went in after yesterday thinking, OH NO. Do I want to hear about what terrors they are in class? What are they going to say? Are we going to get kicked out of preschool?
Seriously, I knew none of those things were going to happen, but with a crazy person like me, all of those thoughts DID run through my head. Several. Times.
Let me tell you. I love a teacher that starts out the conference by saying. "I have no concerns about either of the boys, let me just get that out there right away. I know how stressful these things are!"
Immediately put at ease, and able to focus on the meat of the conference and not the fear of expulsion, I was so happy to hear what she had to say.
Highlights:
The word "Love" or the phrase "I/we love that about..." came up at least 40 times.
Ryan: He's SO sweet. (yeah, I know that about him, he's so squishy) He is more reserved than Evan, but he gets equally excited about school and the things he is doing. He is kind and thoughtful. He cares about his brother and his classmates. He is full of emotions, good, and not so good, but he is learning to manage them in an appropriate manner. He is growing so much socially and in the "school" setting. He has already made improvements in his transitions, and using his words in difficult situations. Developmentally, he is right on track. He is SO observant and is eager to share his observations. He is starting to make meaningful attempts at making letters. He loves the bikes and being outdoors. He is sharing during "meeting time" and he is beginning to play more with his classmates. He loves to read, and FULLY comprehends the stories, he follows along closely and notices every detail.
Evan: He's like a Tasmanian Devil of excitement. He is ALWAYS has a story to share with his teachers. (She cannot wait to hear what he has to say each day) He is extraordinarily verbal, and is starting to understand how to use his words in a social situation. He is learning that he looses his peers if he does not get to the point quickly. He is also learning that he can ask a friend to play with him and they will! He loves to share during "meeting time" and is learning to wait his turn. He loves reading, and is also learning not to interrupt even though he has made a connection and is excited to share it. He is VERY smart and makes those connections VERY quickly, so it is hard for him to contain himself. He is developmentally on track, however his is more cautious with some of the activities that require gross motor skills. They notice that he wont give up, especially if he has seen that Ryan can or has done it. (competitive much? I do not know where he gets that from. *cough, cough*) He does show care and compassion for Ryan. (so, I guess he's going to win, win, win, but love you doing it?)
She ended by telling me how much they love them and how sweet they are. How their behaviors are developmentally appropriate, and this is why we go to preschool. They LOVE their enthusiasm, and their passion.
She also told me that on Tuesday, Evan did indeed sing her the National Anthem. While riding a bike around the playground, for the entire school, in perfect pitch. Apparently all the teachers now know him.
I am so proud of the fact that they are adjusting so well, and that they are not hurting anyone, and that we will not be expelled.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
The Whys have it
As much as I understand the need for this phase, developmentally appropriate behavior, yada, yada, yada. I KNOW this is a wonderful phase, they are interested in everything around them, and that is a good, good thing. They have questions, and I have answers, and they know that and they trust that. (I hope they will always feel as such)
But.
Seriously.
If I here "Why Momma?" ONE. MORE. FREAKING. TIME. today, my head is going to explode.
Here's an example of just one fraction of my morning. And that would be the fraction of time it takes me to drive the 3 blocks from my house to Henry's.
E: where are we going Momma?
M: we are going to the store.
E: Why Momma? (without pause for an answer)
E: Why are we going to the store?
M: To get bread.
E: Why do we need bread? Why Momma?
M: To make sandwiches for lunch. We are going to take sandwiches with us to Sea World today.
E: Why Momma?
M: For lunch.
R: Why are we having sandwiches for lunch?
M: Because they are easy to eat while we are watching the Shamu show.
R: Why Momma?
M: Because they are easy to hold and we can sit in our seats and eat them.
R: Why are we going to the Shamu show.
M: I thought you liked the Shamu show.
R: I do, but why are we going?
M: Because I like to do things that you enjoy.
R: Why Momma?
E: Why Momma?
M: (pulling out my hair) Can we talk about something else?
E: Are we going to see Cacti Momma?
E: Where are the cacti Momma?
E: Are we going to drive by the cacti Momma?
E: Are we? Are we? Are we?
M: (unloads car walks in the store)
E: Why are we at the store Momma?
R: For bread
E: Why Ryan?
SERIOUSLY.
(did I honestly worry these kids would never talk?)
But.
Seriously.
If I here "Why Momma?" ONE. MORE. FREAKING. TIME. today, my head is going to explode.
Here's an example of just one fraction of my morning. And that would be the fraction of time it takes me to drive the 3 blocks from my house to Henry's.
E: where are we going Momma?
M: we are going to the store.
E: Why Momma? (without pause for an answer)
E: Why are we going to the store?
M: To get bread.
E: Why do we need bread? Why Momma?
M: To make sandwiches for lunch. We are going to take sandwiches with us to Sea World today.
E: Why Momma?
M: For lunch.
R: Why are we having sandwiches for lunch?
M: Because they are easy to eat while we are watching the Shamu show.
R: Why Momma?
M: Because they are easy to hold and we can sit in our seats and eat them.
R: Why are we going to the Shamu show.
M: I thought you liked the Shamu show.
R: I do, but why are we going?
M: Because I like to do things that you enjoy.
R: Why Momma?
E: Why Momma?
M: (pulling out my hair) Can we talk about something else?
E: Are we going to see Cacti Momma?
E: Where are the cacti Momma?
E: Are we going to drive by the cacti Momma?
E: Are we? Are we? Are we?
M: (unloads car walks in the store)
E: Why are we at the store Momma?
R: For bread
E: Why Ryan?
SERIOUSLY.
(did I honestly worry these kids would never talk?)
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Is it just siblings or is a twin thing?
How is it possible, that one minute we are screaming, and fighting, arguing and teasing, crying and whining...
and the next minute we are like this????
It's gotta be a twin thing right?
and the next minute we are like this????
It's gotta be a twin thing right?
Monday, November 2, 2009
Discharge: in a totally non-yucky context.
Today was a big, big day in our household. After YEARS of Occupational Therapy, hours of one on one and group work, and countless gray hairs, we have finally been discharged from feeding group. Yes, did you hear that? I should be shouting from the roof tops!
WE HAVE BEEN DISCHARGED FROM FEEDING GROUP!!!! WE DO NOT HAVE OT EVERY WEEK ANYMORE. EVAN IS EATING LIKE A NORMAL CHILD!!!!!!!
Two years with Miss Terri, once a week, an additional weekly session with Miss Stacey for six months of those two years. Six months with Miss Kim and Miss Suzie in feeding group, and we are done. D-O-N-E. Done. Seriously.
Evan has been eating regularly for about 3 months now. I know I documented the start of it here. And while I may not have been diligent about updates on the eating front...lets just say that Evan has been consistently eating everything I put in front of him. From pancakes to pizza, from BBQ ribs to chicken satay, from chicken masala to tacos. He *is* "Lightning McQueen the eating machine" as he was dubbed by Grammie. Some days he even out eats Ryan, which is quite a feat for that boy can put it down. (I may have also subconsciously avoided talking about it here for fear of jinxing it!)
I've continued to challenge Evan with different textures and tastes. He has risen to and well above the challenge. Yay Evan!
We have been laughing at group because now the kids just eat everything. In all sorts of random combinations, hot or cold, crunchy or squishy. Six months ago, it would take Evan the entire hour to swallow one bite of pasta. Three months ago it took fifteen minutes per bite. Today, he ate a hot dog in a bun in five minutes. (And then proceeded to eat a taco and some ice cream.)
It's been coming for a while. We've are approved for sessions in increments of 6, and this was 6 of 6 on this authorization, so we were pretty sure this was our last day.
At the end of group our Therapists, Miss Suzie and Miss Kim presented Evan with a certificate of completion.
I should have posted pics of the actual certificates, but Evan's says:
"Graduation Day Presented to Evan for successful completion of the Little Steps for Little Feeders!"
That's it. We have matriculated.
Ryan, who was not really a patient, also received a certificate his says:
"The supportive Big Brother Award presented to Ryan, with appreciation for your unwavering support of Evan through Little Steps for Little Feeders."
We had a few last words to say,
some smiles and hugs,
high fives for Miss Alison,
and the other Miss Alison,
and that is it.
Another chapter of our preemie-hood has been completed. We have successfully navigated this eating challenge and now Mommy and Daddy just have to remember to treat Evan like a normal kid. It's hard not to be obsessed with food and calorie counts with him, but with each passing day and each passing meal it gets easier. (especially when he eats half of a Phil's pulled pork sandwich, and a few ribs in a single sitting.)
I want to thank all of the therapists, doctors, and support people who have walked this journey with us. All of our supportive family and friends, who have encouraged, cajoled, bribed, made up silly songs (we still sing the pasta song Eric and Mary), and what ever you did to help us get to this point.
Now...
who can get them to eat their vegetables? Anyone? Anyone?
WE HAVE BEEN DISCHARGED FROM FEEDING GROUP!!!! WE DO NOT HAVE OT EVERY WEEK ANYMORE. EVAN IS EATING LIKE A NORMAL CHILD!!!!!!!
Two years with Miss Terri, once a week, an additional weekly session with Miss Stacey for six months of those two years. Six months with Miss Kim and Miss Suzie in feeding group, and we are done. D-O-N-E. Done. Seriously.
Evan has been eating regularly for about 3 months now. I know I documented the start of it here. And while I may not have been diligent about updates on the eating front...lets just say that Evan has been consistently eating everything I put in front of him. From pancakes to pizza, from BBQ ribs to chicken satay, from chicken masala to tacos. He *is* "Lightning McQueen the eating machine" as he was dubbed by Grammie. Some days he even out eats Ryan, which is quite a feat for that boy can put it down. (I may have also subconsciously avoided talking about it here for fear of jinxing it!)
I've continued to challenge Evan with different textures and tastes. He has risen to and well above the challenge. Yay Evan!
We have been laughing at group because now the kids just eat everything. In all sorts of random combinations, hot or cold, crunchy or squishy. Six months ago, it would take Evan the entire hour to swallow one bite of pasta. Three months ago it took fifteen minutes per bite. Today, he ate a hot dog in a bun in five minutes. (And then proceeded to eat a taco and some ice cream.)
It's been coming for a while. We've are approved for sessions in increments of 6, and this was 6 of 6 on this authorization, so we were pretty sure this was our last day.
At the end of group our Therapists, Miss Suzie and Miss Kim presented Evan with a certificate of completion.
I should have posted pics of the actual certificates, but Evan's says:"Graduation Day Presented to Evan for successful completion of the Little Steps for Little Feeders!"
That's it. We have matriculated.
Ryan, who was not really a patient, also received a certificate his says:
"The supportive Big Brother Award presented to Ryan, with appreciation for your unwavering support of Evan through Little Steps for Little Feeders."
We had a few last words to say,
some smiles and hugs,
high fives for Miss Alison,
and the other Miss Alison,
and that is it.
Another chapter of our preemie-hood has been completed. We have successfully navigated this eating challenge and now Mommy and Daddy just have to remember to treat Evan like a normal kid. It's hard not to be obsessed with food and calorie counts with him, but with each passing day and each passing meal it gets easier. (especially when he eats half of a Phil's pulled pork sandwich, and a few ribs in a single sitting.)
I want to thank all of the therapists, doctors, and support people who have walked this journey with us. All of our supportive family and friends, who have encouraged, cajoled, bribed, made up silly songs (we still sing the pasta song Eric and Mary), and what ever you did to help us get to this point.
Now...
who can get them to eat their vegetables? Anyone? Anyone?
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