Independence

Lately I've been feeling a little like an outsider in my boys lives.

They are suddenly becoming boys, real boys.

Independent. Responsible. Capable.

Suddenly we are cleaning up our plates after meals. Offering to help wash our own dishes. Getting our own water. We are getting ourselves dressed (mostly). We are using the toilet by ourselves (mostly). We get into the car and get our arms into our car seat straps.

All of those things are nice, they sometimes save time, sometimes, take way more time than we can afford. However, it is wonderful that they are becoming responsible little men.

One of the things the boys are doing on their own these days is playing on their own. Without ME!

They have the best time together, that is when they are not wrestling, tackling, or generally bugging each other. I find that more and more I am sitting back and listening. Watching. Enjoying.

In the last few weeks we have been a tad bit obsessed with the Magic Tree House Books. They are really fun books that emphasize the love of adventure, knowledge, and of course books! The series features siblings, Jack and Annie, who find a magic tree house. The tree house takes them on adventures through time and space and the world. In each story they travel with the aid of a book from the magic tree house, by reading and researching in the book, the kids learn about where they have landed, and they maneuver through an adventure, and eventually find their way home.

The boys have taken on the persona's of the characters in these books and reenact the adventures of Jack (Evan) and Annie (Ryan). Occasionally I get to play one of the minor characters, but for the most part, Jack and Annie are off on adventures together, hiding from dinosaurs, or talking to mummies, or traveling in mini-subs to see the dolphins.

I really, deep down, love that they are transferring the stories we read into their play so easily, but I kind of wish Jack and Annie had an older sister that went along on the adventures!

I know it is developmentally appropriate for them to be playing in this manner, but I have to admit, I miss the days when I had to direct the play a little more. I miss being needed. I know I'm still needed, but it seems like my role now is more keeping them on task, rather than being central to it all. I know I should be thrilled that they are developing appropriately, but if they don't start needing me a little more I might have to do something else with my time like...shudder....clean!

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And I leave you with some videos...

Ryan's latest composition, inspired by one of my favorite musicals, and one of his favorite books.



Evan taking after his father, meeting a king snake found in our driveway.



Evan singing Hallelujah. Sorry about the quality, I was driving at the time shooting over my shoulder. I think you can hear him, if you listen very carefully.

Mother's Love

I love these little boys. Sometimes in the day to day I'm exhausted, and overwhelmed with all that needs to get done, and I forget just *how much* I love them.

Then I see a smile like this...


or this...(I know you can't see it, but I did)


Or I have two little boys pretending to be polar bear cubs sleeping in their den waiting for their "Mama Polar Bear"...

and then Daddy Polar Bear growls...


Or I watch as one boy helps the other get his foot untangled...


so they can continue on their adventure....

and I am quickly reminded just how much love I have in my life, because I am "Mama Polar Bear" or "Mama Pteranodon" or "Mama Puppy" or "Mama Kitty" or "Mama whatever I am today."

And then there are moments when I am scrambling for a pen to scribble as many of the words coming out of my kids' mouths so I don't forget to blog about it.

The other day, Ryan was "writing songs". Five of them he told me. I was too lazy was afraid by the time I got my cameras out of the car it would be all over so you will just have to use your imaginations.

Using the tune to this favorite song...



Ryan created these little songs. He told me there were five, however either I missed one, or well, he's four. I call them the "Bunny sessions". Both he and Evan were playing their guitars during the sessions, (they collaborate so well) however Ryan was responsible for all of the lyrics. (noted here for copyright purposes.)

Once upon a time there was a little bunny,
He lost his car-r-r-r-ot, on the way.
Because it was so-o-o tiny, tiny, ti-ny.

One little carrot went out one day,'
but his daddy told him he could go out and play.
He was so hap-ap-ap-py,
Because there were pine nut every where.

Once upon a time there was a little bunny,
he got a bee-ee-ee sting, he was so sa-a-a-a-a-d.
His Mommy looked at it and it didn't feel so bad.
He tried to get the bee off but he wouldn't go any-where

Once upon a time there was a baby bunny,
He tried to get the bee off of him
He was so sad because when he went to bed,
he heard the crackling sound of the bee by his head.

With moments like these, how could I possibly forget how much I love them?

Bullies in the making

So, as part of my fundraising for the March of Dimes Walk for Babies, (by the way click on the Walk for Babies logo on the sidebar to donate) I am sitting in a kids play place here in town, sans kids. It's interesting.

As a mom, I really try to do my best to have my kids be respectful and considerate of other people.

I go out of my way to try and make play situations a learning experience. If I see my kids behaving in a manner "not acceptable" we put a stop to it immediately. If we cannot stop the behavior, we leave. Simple. (to me)

I just watched this boy of maybe 5 or 6 run headlong into another child, while driving one of those hard plastic plasma car things, knock him down, and then when the child complained, he said. "Why should I stop, I'm in a race." Turn and ride off. The other little boy, of similar age, picked himself up and went over to sit by his mom for a few minutes.

Okay, first of all, at that age, I think this boy should have been able to say "I'm sorry" with out prompting from his parents. But, second of all, where were his parents? Oh, his mom is sitting over here on the phone. The kid he hit was visibly shaken, so much that I almost got up to see if he was okay.

Well, this same kid, got knocked down and started to wail. Cried and cried, and cried. The kid he hit earlier, well, he tried to comfort this brat other boy. Where was the brat's mom this time? OUTSIDE on the PHONE. Some one went and got her, he cried for like 10 minutes, had to have ice his lip hurt so much.

I couldn't help think Karma (this makes me feel like a really bad person)

Except he is now running around this place, in between adults and children alike, without regard to anything. Pushing, shoving, taking things from other kids. Where is his mom? Oh she is sitting here saying "Nicholas" in that tone that Nicholas clearly recognizes as you don't really mean it, and I can continue to do what I want and you won't get up to stop me.

I have to go home now to my kids that are not perfect, but I know they are sweet and compassionate, loving and kind. And I intend to keep them that way, no matter what I have to do. (even if it means I have to beat up talk to a bully for them.

For Sale: Two Boys, Best Offer

For Sale
Adorable, energetic, talkative,
two year old boys. Love cuddles,
cars, trucks and soccer balls.
Package includes all clothes,
toys and books. Please make offer.
Please.


On Thursday this was the ad I was considering placing on Craig's List. It was just one of those days. Evan spent hours in time out for hitting his brother. He wasn't even angry, he just seemed to enjoy bonking him on the head. I did not enjoy placing his little bottom in time out over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over. Seriously.

Then Ryan decided he wasn't going to eat the lunch I packed him. No. Matter. What. I even threatened that he would not be able to pet the Clydesdale if he did not eat. Nope. So I then looked like the worst mom in the world when I let Evan pet the horse, and denied my poor crying other child.

We came home to Mr. No Nap Evan, (how do they know when I REALLY need a break?) and another round of the hitting-time out shuffle.

By the time Scott got home from work, I was EXHAUSTED, physically and emotionally.

Friday I tried a new tactic. Instead of "punishing" Evan. I gave Ryan privileges. Evan hit Ryan while we were in the store. Therefore, Ryan got to get out of the stroller and walk with me while Evan remained in the stroller in "time out"

There were only two times on Friday where Evan hit Ryan, so I pulled my ad from Craig's List.

I hear the half years are the toughest

I'm reading a book on "Your Two Year Old" and it talks about how half years are tough. Kids are super, wonderful creatures when they turn full years, but when they hit the half year, they are crazy, uncontrollable, monsters. (okay that was a bit strong, but, let's just say they are not easy to deal with)

The boys are almost two and a half. Today we had one of those days. One of those monstrous days.

Before 7:45 this morning, we had 5 time outs. Three for Ryan and two for Evan. In reality, it was five in like 15 minutes. Ryan hit Evan. During the apology, Evan hit Ryan. It went on like this until it was me hitting my head on the wall.

Then after OT we went for a walk around the lake and even after going over the rules...hold my hand, listen, do not run away from Mommy. We were not there for 5 minutes and both boys took off in opposite directions. That cut our walk extremely short.

We got home and I wanted to wash off their shoes. All of their shoes were really dirty and could use a quick wash. During the time I emptied the car of 6 pairs of shoes, and got them into the sink to scrub, Ryan proceeded to howl. Endlessly. I job that should have taken 10 minutes at best was now verging on 30 minutes. I kept trying to get him to calm down. Take deep breaths. Relax, go read a book or something for just a few minutes, so I could finish this task. No such luck. He was now telling me, at about 10:30 that he was ready for lunch. He just had a very large snack and hour before, he couldn't be hungry.

I decided to let him wait a few more minutes while I finished washing the shoes. I heard him cry, and cry, and cry. I once again asked him to take a deep breath and comfort himself. I few minutes later, there was silence. Whew, okay, I put a load of laundry in to the dryer and came back out to the living room. There was Ryan passed out cold on the living room floor. Sound. Asleep.

Ryan's been sleeping like a champ, 4 hour naps, 11 hours at night, he woke up at 6 this morning, he should not have been this tired, this early.

I honestly don't know what is going on with him. The last couple of days he's been ready for lunch at 10:30 and ready to nap at 11. He then wants dinner at 4 and his snack at 6:30 and sound asleep at 7:15. He is so off schedule.

Of course, since he had a cat nap, he only slept for a short time and then wanted to get up. He then proceeded to cry every time I left the room for the next two hours. Our teacher was here and he was a peach, and as soon as she left, the wailing began again. It continued until Scott got home a little after 6. By 6:50 he was again crying to eat, and go to bed.

If this is how my days are going to be, times two, for the next 7 months...I think I'm going to need some earplugs and some medication.

Day Two: I Don't Want to Sleep in Bed

After last nights hysterics and knowing that tonight Ryan couldn't get out of his room and find his way out of the house and on to the busy street outside our house, I slept in bed. Scott took over Ryan duty, from the couch.

Ryan woke up on cue at 10, caught him on his way out of his crib and I coaxed him back to sleep, in bed. He slept there peacefully until about 3:30 AM when, as Scott reports he climbed out of his crib and was attempting to get out of his room. Scott put him back in bed, told him to stay there. There was crying for no more than about ten minutes and all was quiet.


This is what we found this morning...




For those of you that don't recognize it immediately on sight...he's reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. (or as Evan calls it, yell-ouw Pot-t-ter)

So, we assume, after realizing he couldn't get out, and we were just going to put him back in to bed, he settled himself down to read a little.

*I should have mentioned yesterday that in his antics of climbing out of the crib, he was very rarely alone. Sometimes one Snoopy joined him, sometimes two, sometimes it was two Snoopys and a Pooh.

How many calories do you burn...

...putting a 30 pound child back in to his crib?

I'm sure, when the number is somewhere between 120 and 1000, you burn off enough for an extra big bowl of sunshine, right?

Between the hours of 10 PM and 1 AM last night I picked up Ryan and tossedplaced him gently back into his crib about once every two minutes. I stood at his door while he tossed his leg over the side and hopped right out, and opened the door, for three hours. I slept (and i use that word loosely) on the floor outside his door from about 1:30 (give or take) until 6. (I'm tired)

He started this behavior while we were on vacation. He found out he could easily get in and out of the porta crib. So instead of self soothing, like he's done since birth, he's cried, and cried, and climbed out of his crib to come find someone. I thought he might not do it once we returned home. I thought wrong.

Sunday night I think Scott stayed in the room with Ryan after he climbed out for the fourth time. Last night I knew I had to nip this in the bud right away. Thus my vigil.

Today I stopped at the Depot and got two new door handles. I installed one on Ryan's door before naps. One should never try to install a door handle on a few hours of sleep. I had most of the original hardware off, when I went to work on the handle on the inside of the door. And the door shut. And the handle came off. And I couldn't get out. After a couple of panic filled moments I MacGyver'ed my way out of the room, installed the door knob, and now the boys are asleep. So far, not a peep from a VERY, VERY EXHAUSTED Ryan.

...and I'm looking for big boy beds.

Everybody's Smilin', Sunshine Day...

Today was just one of those days. A day that made me feel like I was that Mom. No, not That Mom. THAT Mom-- Carol Brady. Shirley Partridge. June Cleaver. Caroline Ingalls. Olivia Walton. The one that handles things in stride, the one that has shiny faced little ones that do good, or at least try, and at the end of an hour, or half hour, they have learned a valuable life lesson, and everyone is smiling.

Too many times I feel harried, and hurried, and just plain worn out. Too many days I wonder, did I do enough to nurture, and stimulate the young minds I am molding? Too many days I wish I could be a perfect mom.

Now, I know I'll never be perfect. (no matter how hard I try. But gosh darn it, I have to try.) I know I will always beat myself up for something I feel like I got wrong. I know there will always be people who think I'm not being a good Mom, or that their way is better. It might be. But it may not be the right way for our family, and that is all I care about. What is right for Ryan and Evan. This was a day that I would feel none of that self doubt, or self criticism.

*****

Today at breakfast I asked the boys what they wanted to do today. (for once we had no plans) They thought about it and Ryan, today's spokesman for the pair, said "park" "Well," I said, "we went to the park yesterday, and we are going tomorrow, is there anywhere else you would like to go?" They thought about it for awhile, and Evan, very clearly said "zoo" (not a word I've heard from him, ever). Oh, I should note, that they both slept in to a glorious 6:30 this morning, so we were dining a bit later than usual. I quickly calculated all of the things I would have to do to make it to the zoo today, and decided to attempt to shift our plans to the Wild Animal Park. (it's about 20 minutes closer)

Once I mentioned the water, and they remembered the crocodile, we were set. We scurried around and left the house by 8:15. Arrived, sun screened the boys and myself, and were at the gates at opening. We did our usual, but the boys kept saying they wanted to feed the ducks. (I thought, hmm, we could have just gone to the lake 5 minutes from the house to feed the ducks, but...Okay, let's go feed the ducks)

Near the duck pond are little boat that are controlled by these wheels that today, the boys found very entertaining. But even more interesting was the coin return and the little door where Ryan found a one dollar token, and a quarter, and Evan, not to be out done, also found a shiny quarter. You would think that they had just found a truck or bulldozer by the running and squealing. It was really cute, however, I quickly snatched their treasures from their hands (choking hazard much?) and sanitized their hands. (do you know how dirty money is? yuck)


Lunch was very uneventful (which in this house is great news) Evan ate two jars of Green Beans with very little fighting. Ryan ate all of his pasta and an entire container of yogurt.


During naps, I had the bright idea to try and cook with the boys. I've been hearing that they should start doing things like this but have been avoiding it like no one's business. I had to make some pasta for Ryan, so I decided to prep it, and when the boys woke up, we could "cook" it together.

Of course I have no pictures of this because um, you try to wrangle two toddlers in your non-childproofed kitchen, while trying to "cook" with them, AND then grab the camera too? No.

It went much better than I expected. They were so great. Evan loves the food processor, and Ryan does not, so he ground up the 4 chicken breasts. Ryan poured the chicken into a bowl, then Evan poured in the sauce. They let me stir, and package. And then we repeated the whole process again.* Each boy getting a turn at pouring sauce, chicken, noodles. They were so excited, they wanted to taste their creation!

After we finished, we drew pictures of what we had just done in the kitchen. Okay, I drew the pictures, they told me what to draw, and the colored over them. This gave us a chance to talk about what we had done, just a little reinforcement of concepts. Plus the boys were as always happy to color.

Okay, perfect mom award to this point. An outing, a cooking lesson, an art project, all. in. one. day. Feeling really smug and proud of myself for not taking the easy way anywhere in this day.

And then dinner. Evan threw up, argh. Ryan decided to moisturize in yogurt when I turned my back for a second.

Still, pretty good Mom, I grabbed my camera, snapped off a couple of pictures of yo-yo baby, and Evan ate 2 more jars of food, post vomit.

I'm not sure why today was so great. The boys were in a great mood all day. (provided that Row-Row-Row- Your Boat was on the ipod) It all just seemed EASY! I can't believe I just said that, but yeah, it felt easy. The boys behaved and listened perfectly on our outing. They were really great in the kitchen, and even when they didn't share, or when there were little meltdowns over the song playing, it was easy. Maybe someone spiked my Luna bar with a Valium. Or maybe the boys are growing up a little bit. =( What ever it is, I hope we have many, many more "Sunshine Day(s)"

*I make two pounds of pasta at a time and freeze it in portions for easy meals and while I have a huge bowl that could mix all of it at time, somehow it's just easier to divide the batch in half and use a handy smaller bowl.
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A couple of asides.

I read in one of my Parenting Magazines that the average parent argues with their toddler 20 times an hour, some as many as 55 times an hour. Huh???? I think I need a definition of argue. Oh maybe I need to be very thankful.

Ryan said his first three word phrase yesterday "Big, Truck, Book"
and Evan today "More, Music, Please"
Words, and two word phases are coming rapid fire these days, they are parrots, they are sponges, they are chatty Cathy's.

Ryan woke up after about an hour of nap today, but instead of screaming for me to get him up, he sat and played with his babies. (he now sleeps with no less that 15 stuffed animals, who go almost everywhere with us, if I allow it) The conversation went like this

"baby, yup"
"pha, pha, yup" (Snoopy)
"ty-ty, yup" (tiger)
"mon, mon, yup"(monkey)
"Fwog, yup" (frog)
"Baaaaaa, yup" (sheep)
"ma, ma, yup"
"Da-di, yup"
"EV-an, yup"

and then he fell asleep. and I sat laughing so hard I cried.

Evan has been recognizing his letters, both in print and with signs. It's crazy! I usually do the signs when we are singing the alphabet song, but never really tried to teach them the signs. A couple of days ago, Evan started doing some of them and telling me what they were. He'd say E and I'd look up and he had his hand in the E shape, I think he knows about 15-20 of the letters. He's always loved looking at the letters on our T-shirts, and we'd tell him what they were, now he tells us.

The "fist bump" is our new favorite show of accomplishment. However the "high-five" is still a close second.

And finally a couple of other pictures from outings in the last few days.

I just missed the perfect shot of the two of them looking at me with a huge fish over their heads.

There's some PG-13 shots that are not for the web, of these two buck nekid boys, taking a sun shower on the street by the Marine Room after our Saturday morning in the surf. I honestly don't think there is anything cuter than baby butts. (that doesn't make me creepy does it?)

On being two

It seems that being two does something to a child. I'm sure there are a million parenting books with theories, and solutions, but nothing can prepare you for having two, two year old children. (or heck, even one)

It's frustrating. For. Everyone. The poor child does not have adequate language and coping abilities, and the parent is shocked. Shocked that their normally docile, sweet, polite, bundle of love can turn in an instant into a shrieking, whirling ball of anger, frustration and tears. How does this happen, literally in an instant.

We had an "episode" this weekend. The boys love music and are very good at telling us what song they want to hear. However this evening, Ryan was insistent that we play the "choo, choo" song. He repeated "choo, choo" about 100 times while Scott and I scratched our heads trying to figure out what song he was talking about. We played the beginnings of 30-40 songs, and he became more and more frustrated at our inability to understand what he was so clearly talking about. In the span of about ten minutes Ryan went from happy, singing and dancing boy to screeching, crying, frustrated baby. All I could do was hold him and try to explain to him that I knew he was frustrated that we didn't understand him, we were doing the best we could, and that maybe if he calmed down and helped us, we could solve the problem. We did finally figure out that the song was "She'll be Coming Around the Mountain"(They have a Thomas the Train book that plays that song, which is why I think he associated it with a choo, choo. Of course we should have put this together, right? )

Today, Evan went to work with Scott. BACK STORY: Scott has taken Ryan to work several times because Evan has had doctor's appointments and it is much easier for me to keep Evan calm if I don't have to worry about entertaining Ryan too. Scott starts his new job on Monday, and he won't have an office anymore (open workstations---I hate this business model) so in order to be fair, Scott took Evan to work with him.

(I know, it's just too cute!!!)

So I Ryan and I had some together time too. We went out and had bagels, we went to the store and then went to pick up Evan. Scott said good bye to the boys, like usual, but apparently, this was not enough. Ryan started screaming, and screaming, and screaming. "DA, DA, DA, DA" all the way home. let me repeat. ALL. THE. WAY. HOME. I could not talk him down from his hysteria, so I just turned up the music.

Yet through all of it, moments like this, are far more common than the moments I've described.


*

So why does it feel like the moments of shrieking are the true reflection of parenting skills?

_________________
*I should mention that minutes after this shot, Ryan took off running and ran into the parking lot while I screamed "Freeze" in vain.

Happy Father's Day

These were taken on Saturday, but Father's Day looked pretty much the same. The boys have found the joy of the back yard sprinklers on a warm summer's day.

I'm not sure who had more fun, the boys or Scott spraying them down with the hose. This being Father's Day I thought I'd mention a few of the things that make Scott such a great Dad. You know I knew he'd be a great Dad, kids love him. We'd go out to eat and without fail there would be some little one, that would be fascinated with Scott. But watching him Father these boys, argh, makes me well up just thinking about it.

In the beginning, when we were caught between life and death. When we watched every breath holding our own, until we edged on blackouts, Scott was there. He read to these boys, he talked to them. He learned how to carefully change their tiny diapers, he learned how to wrap them and turn them over. As they got stronger, he learned how to give them baths, feed them, hold them and even play with them. He learned to stop watching the monitors and look at the color of those precious faces.

Once they came home, he learned a whole lot more about everything. He changed countless diapers, defrosted gallons of breast milk, fed babies in the middle of the night. He nearly killed me responding to one of the babies monitors beeps. (killed a little strong, but I certainly got a good hip check into the wall, got stepped on, and left to pick myself up in the dark)

He got up with Evan in the middle of the night until about two months ago, when he finally started sleeping through the night.

He plays with the boys, and lets them do things Mommy would NEVER let them do. (go down slides head first, ahem) He enjoys every moment with them.

He sings to them. This is significant because well, because I love to sing, I love to drive around singing at the top of my lungs. Scott not so much. He once told me that singing interferes with his ability to enjoy and appreciate the music. To me, singing only adds to this experience. So, Scott has learned a ton of songs just so he can sing to these music loving boys. I should note that our musical repertoire is a bit unconventional. There's not a lot of kids music in the mix. Usually its something by the Grateful Dead, or the Eagles, or Elton John, or Lyle Lovett, or the Beatles. I love that the boys have requests, it makes me laugh to hear them finish the lyrics to Rocky Raccoon.

There are oh so many reasons why Scott is a special Father, most importantly, he is just here for the boys, role modeling, teaching, and loving.

Happy Father's Day!

Evan sees a dentist.

It's been a rough few weeks with Evan. His eating has been even more of a challenge than before. I've been spending an hour shoving food into his mouth, as he screams, fights and cries, and then spits out the entire bite. Rinse, and repeat, about a thousand times per meal.

Out of desperation last week, I cut out all of Evan's bottles. (except his before bedtime bottle) No more Boost Plus, and milk. All in an effort to make him feel hungry, in hopes that he might just eat something, anything. Or at least the battles might stop. Well, a week and two pounds of weight loss later, there was no change. Mealtimes were still battles.

Next straw to grasp at? Maybe it's his teeth! I noticed his gums still covering his molars. I thought maybe it's an infection! I managed to get him into see a pediatric dentist on Tuesday. He was not very happy to be visiting yet another doctor.

Well, $85 later, we now know, his teeth look great. We are doing a good job brushing, and there are no problems with his mouth that are interfering with his eating. And, we left a bit happier than when we arrived.
This week we have been quite busy with appointments. On the same morning Evan went to the dentist, his brother Ryan went to see the Opthamologist. (Evan's appointment was on Thursday) Because of our ROP we see the pediatric Opthamologist every six months. After our last trip, I decided that we had to split them up, the hysterics were way too much for just me to handle.

Splitting the boys up like this is interesting. We've only done it a few times, but each time I am profoundly shocked by how easy it is to only have one child. At the dentist, I was able to console Evan with my full attention. At the eye doctor, we played, drew, read books, just the two of us. I didn't have to divide my attention. I didn't have to keep one eye on Ryan. I didn't have to bring the stroller. I had one hand free as we were walking to and from the car. It's crazy how much easier one child is! I've always said that having one is having one, and having two is like having three, and that feeling just gets larger exponentially with each child, but there is nothing that can better illustrate that fact like having one on one time. Now I want to establish some fun one on one time with each of the boys. I don't want their only singleton time to be at the doctor's office.

From a medical standpoint. Both boys eyes are holding stable. They will still both need glasses in the future, but right now their eyesight is not hindering their development, so we will wait, and continue to be followed every six months. Both boys did so well at the appointments, there were a few tears, but for the most part, the drama was kept to a minimum.

Neglect

I've been very neglectful of my blog, and I feel bad. I'm not sure what has me in such a funk, I just find at night, when I have time to write, my brain feels all mushy and the thought of trying to put words together is daunting.

There is the 100th post that is looming (this is post 94). There have been so many moments in the past couple of weeks when one or more of the boys has done something or said something funny or adorable, blog worthy. And had 100 not been so close, I'd have stopped what I was doing and blogged a quickie so I wouldn't forget. But, alas, 100 is too near, and I have not even begun to work on it. In my pre-twins life, I'd have had it all mapped out and written at 75 posts. (of course pre-twins, what would I be blogging about anyhow?) Now, after twins? I've had a few thoughts, but no sooner do I have the thought and it's gone again. I've even thought about going against blogging tradition and not made a big deal about the 100th post. Not even mention it. However, I'm not the kind to go against tradition. Okay I am, but, it's a nice tradition, one I've enjoyed reading on countless other blogs. Oh and all of those really cute blog worthy items? Gone. I just tried to think of them, tried to find the scraps of paper they were written on and nope. No luck. My only consolation is, there will be more.

Have I mentioned lately how adorable the boys are? I love them more and more every day. This age is so great. They are so aware of their surroundings and are so excited to tell me what they see, know and understand.

Now that doesn't mean that they are perfect. OH, NO. Not even close. We are just now starting to assert ourselves in some not so cute ways. Ryan has been verging on temper tantrums of late. Right now they are just crying fits, no kicking, no flailing, in fact when he gets really worked up and upset he comes charging at me with all his strength (and I have to tell you the first time this made me nervous, I thought I was going to have a bite taken out of my shoulder) throws his arms around me and gives me a huge hug. He knows he is out of control and just wants to be held until he can calm down.

Ryan has also been having some problems with sleeping. If you call waking up at 3 or 4 AM screaming for 30-60 minutes, falling asleep briefly and waking for the day at 5 AM a problem. I myself, find it to be a HUGE problem. This seems to be working itself out. I think I've neglected to get him adequately exhausted during the day. (In an effort to save on gas, we've limited our big outings that had him running around for 3 hours a day, to one a week. Today we spent close to 2 hours at the park, I'm testing my theory.) Either that, or all his health issues have him out of whack. Or, there is the old adage, when kids are going through big developmental changes, their sleep cycles are disrupted. (If this is the case I expect him to recite Shakespeare, or work a quadratic equation soon.) Any of the three I'll take, as long as I can fix it or if it rights itself in the next couple of days, 'cause we are all pretty tired.

Evan has been a real pain to feed again. He's had a couple of great moments where he's swallowed a Cheerio or two, or a grain of rice, or a minuscule piece of pasta (think pin head), but for the most part it has been a battle of wills. I asked him today if he knew where he got his stubborn streak, he said yes. I asked him, Where? Yep, you guessed it. "Mama" he says with a big grin on his face. Didn't I tell you these kids are really aware?!?!?

The good news is that we FINALLY have the scope scheduled. June 19th. The bad news, we go of the Prilosec tomorrow. So if it is really helping in ANY way, feeding (and possibly sleeping) for the next two weeks is going to be really fun. (read unbearable) Although feeding was difficult this week, he still managed to gain a half a pound, and he is weighing in at 26 pounds, which means, time to get tough. After the scope, if all looks good physically, and his PH study comes back normal, all these eating problems are in his 97th percentile head.

Ah yes, and Evan has been consistently telling me he has poop in his pants, and he even told me once that he was about to go. I failed to react fast enough, and it became a 'pip' before we could get on the potty. Ryan love sitting on his potty and playing with himself exploring the mechanics of relieving himself, however, he has yet to produce anything. Evan is more than willing to sit on the potty in a diaper, but is not yet comfortable being nay-nay on the potty, which makes it a little difficult to properly leave a deposit.

(I should add that we in no way were intending to start the naked on the potty phase now, we are just in the "getting comfortable" with the potty phase. But there is a certain excitement that comes over you when your child looks at you and says "poop in paw-paw" and you ask if he has poop in his pants, and he says "no, in paw-paw". That would make any parent go sprinting for the potty to throw their child on it to see what happens, right?)

But even as I sit here an type all the bad stuff. I have a smile on my face thinking about seeing their shiny little faces tomorrow morning. I can't wait to see them, as long as it's after 6 AM.

Ahhhh, Motherhood, is there anything that resembles bipolar disorder more?

Let us Entertain You. Embrace the Mess.

Today we were supposed to meet some twin mom's at the botanical gardens. It opens at 9. That means we have to leave the house by 8:15 to arrive, unload, sunscreen, shoe, etc. two boys.

These days it's like trying to dress a giant octopus, (times two) getting the boys into clothes. For some reason, being "nay, nay" is only the way to be. We wrestle, kick, cry and scream "nay, nay". And generally speaking, there is another child running around in a state of undress, chiming in with their own chorus of "nay, nay". I actually find this kind of funny, I don't know why, maybe because it is so cute.

Oh, yes, back on topic. So. I told the boys that we were going to the gardens today, and we must wear clothes to the garden. Ryan slowed down enough for me to tackle him to the ground. While I was changing his diaper, he looks up at me and does the sign for train, and says "choo, choo". It's been at least a month or six weeks since our last visit to the gardens, can you believe that he still remembers there is a train at the gardens????

When we arrived Evan looked around from the parking lot and said "bubbles" Yes, we usually blow bubbles at the gardens.

I am constantly amazed, AMAZED, by what these kids know, understand and remember. They make me laugh, gasp, and shake my head EVERY DAY. Who knew kids would be so entertaining?

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While we were at the gardens I couldn't help notice differences in parenting styles. Because I'm like that.

This one mom, with two boys of her own, arrived and asked if anyone knew where the bug day was being held. She said, "I don't usually come on Bug Day, I come on Art day, because I don't like all that art stuff in my house, it's too messy" Then, later she made her son's don plastic aprons to play in the water, so they wouldn't get wet. She then wouldn't let them play in the dirt because they were already wet, and wet and dirt was too dirty. I had a really hard time biting my tongue.

I embrace the mess my little boys make. I relish the fact that they are experiencing their environment to the fullest. After listening to her for a few minutes. I looked down at my pair of ragamuffins, and had to laugh out loud. They were wet from head to toe. Dirt/mud rimmed their shorts' bottoms and bottoms. Their hair was stringy and wet, could have been mud there too. There was most definitely dirt on their faces, along with grins ear to ear.

Motherhood, or maybe toddlerhood has just found me a less fussy (stop laughing, really I am less fussy. somethings like their health, well, I'm still Fussy McFusserson, but other stuff, dirt, paint, water, mud, trust me, I'm a new person) I just come prepared for these situations, knowing kids get dirty. If you want to take home clean (or I'll settle for dry) kids, bring a change of clothing! (I also keep a stash of bags in the car for transporting the mud caked clothes home.) I also find it really funny that I embrace the mess so easily with the boys. Considering my own hang ups about being clean, (I'll save the details for another post) the fact that I'll let the boys get as dirty as dirty can be is a real step for me!

Nurture or Nature

I've always believed that there is a fair amount of both that come into play when raising a child. Certainly there are things that are innate, others that are learned.  

Knowing this, I've tried really hard not to instill some of my quirks in my boys.  I never talk about foods I like or dislike, I keep my dislike of creepy crawly bugs to myself, even go out of my way to show the boys bugs, and say things like isn't that a pretty...(insert creepy crawly thing here). Even with all my efforts some things really stand out. 

Ryan likes his food hot.  I've always been a fan of a hot meal.  I prefer a hot lunch to a sandwich any day.

When I show Ryan a bug he almost always backs away and says "nooooo"

Evan sat and strung pasta beads, two of each color, in order.  He had other colored beads closer but he would reach all the way across the table to ensure his pattern stayed intact.  

Both boys love to clean obsessively. They race for the baby wipes when they are open, grab them and start wiping everything in sight. (okay, this maybe learned from watching me clean every table, highchair, or shopping cart for two years)

This was all a long way of getting to my question.  

Is it nurture or nature?

Ryan is a social animal.  He is comfortable on his own, he wanders around his Mommy and Me class with out me, happy to play with anything and everything in sight. He checks back in with me and makes sure he can find me, smiles and keeps playing.  Occasionally he comes over for a quick hug, or to show me what he had found. 

Evan on the other hand, likes to stay close.  He holds my hand and we walk from station to station, he tells me he is done, and we move on.  If I'm not at his side, he comes to find me and brings me to where he wants to be.

So, have I created this in Evan?  I'm always mindful of Evan, he does get scared more easily, and did go through that phase where he cried uncontrollably in situations similar to our Mommy and Me class. So I try to be close to him just to head off any potential breakdowns. Has my always being around made him dependent on me? Has it made him less likely to venture out on his own?

Has my constant companionship of Evan made Ryan more self sufficient as a consequence? 

Or are all of these traits just innate?  If not, is it too late for Evan to change learn to be more comfortable in new situations?

I think I'm going to try a little experiment in class of Friday.  I'm going to set Evan up, and then hang with Ryan.  I wonder if Evan will be just fine, or if he will come search us out. I'll let you know what happens.

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On a side note, the other day in our Mommy and Me class, there was this little girl there with her Mom and Dad.  We were sitting near each other on the rug, my boys were playing with the cars, and she was playing with the pasta beads.

Her Mom said something to her Dad, he got up and got a wet paper towel and started wiping her fingers very vigorously.  Each little finger.  I looked closely and we were only about three feet apart.  I guess there was something on her hands that had to be removed, maybe a little paint.  Then I looked at my children, faces and hands streaked with paint, and thought, "Have I come a long way or what?"