The True Adventures of Axel (Ryan) and Outlaw (Evan)

NICU Revisited

2012-01-12T22:01:00.001-08:00

I am about to willingly walk back through one of the most difficult times in my life. The time in my life that defined me as a parent. The time that Forever defined my children. Those days and months that changed everything.

For the past few months I have been attending meetings and training sessions at the hospital where the boys were born, their home for the first five months of their lives. My home the first five months of their lives.

I am volunteering. I will be talking to parents who are experiencing the NICU like we did almost six years ago. I will be attempting to offer support, comfort or just someone to listen to them, some one who has been there, someone who understands.

I was so luckily, if you can call it that, because there were people with whom I shared my NICU experience. Those people are still an integral part of my support system. My friends, the people who to this day get it, my lifelines in a time when life was so fragile and tenuous. Not every family is that lucky. In spite of the fact that 1 in 8 babies is born prematurely, most parents of preemies have no one to talk to who really understand because they have been there.

In the years since the boys discharge, I have talked to a number of parents who are having difficulties in the NICU, lending an ear, a supportive comment, or a suggestion. I have talked to parents with kids with feeding issues, I've talked to parents worrying about what to do with their preemie once they go home. These were all referrals from our former nurses, OT's, teachers or educational therapists. This is much more formal. I even have a pink badge granting me access to the NICU so familiar to me from all those days in the NICU.

I am going to formally introduce myself to two families tomorrow. I am filled with anticipation and a little fear. I hope I can offer the support that these families need. I hope I can keep the flood of memories at bay. I hope I can use them to the benefit of those families. I hope that I can just offer them what they need most...HOPE.

BlogHer Book Club: The Lake of Dreams

2012-01-04T10:07:00.001-08:00

This review was supposed to go live a month ago but i had a problem with the iPad app i wrote it on. Thank goodness the fix is now live and so is this review!In Kim Edwards new novel The Lake of Dreams, Lucy Jarrett returns home after a long, self imposed exile and stumbles on secrets from what may be the past of her family. Mystery after mystery unfold involving Lucy's past present and future.Lucy leaves home after the accidental death of her father. In her wake she leaves a grieving family and a heartsick ex boyfriend. She carries the weight of the sudden loss of her father around the globe and through more than a decade of restlessness.When she is finally drawn home, she uncovers pamphlets and a letter hidden in a locked window seat. Lucy is drawn to the knowledge that a suffragette may have lived in her family home. As Lucy digs into the past, Kim Edwards' story explores the rich history of the finger lakes region of New York, the Suffragette movement, and the changing landscape for women in the United States all while expertly weaving in the story of the Jarrett family.The more she researches the family history, the deeper Lucy is drawn into the past. The more information she uncovers, the more she desires.I found as a reader that I wanted nothing more to have Lucy delve deeper and deeper. I couldn't wait to turn the page to make discoveries right along with Lucy.Kim Edwards, who brought us a similarly engaging Memory Keepers Daughter, gives us another tale of secrets, intrigue, woven into the fabric of recent historical facts. There is even a subtle reference to her previous novel if you are observant. But what continues to make Edwards' work so engaging are her strong female characters driven by their own need for the truth.- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Blog Her Book Club: The Magic Room

2011-12-28T19:00:00.000-08:00

The Magic Room, A Story About the Love We Wish For Our Daughters by Jeffrey Zaslow is a journey into the reality behind one of the most universal dreams of women old and young alike.
The hunt for the perfect wedding dress.

Zaslow searched the country to find Becker's Bridal, a family owned and operated shop in a small Midwestern town Fowler, Michigan where an estimated 100,000 brides have found "The One".

While the book chronicles eight women's journey to Becker's and then to the altar, it expertly weaves in to their stories, and the history of Becker's Bridal. Eva founded the "shop" in 1934, in the general store of Fowler owned by her in-laws. She grew the business by bringing in a dress or two at first, keeping a close eye on trends, being a tough businesswoman, and fulfilling a very special desire. The store passed to her son and daughter in law, in 1975 and finally to Shelley, the present owner. Shelley had to overcome her own parents reluctance to turn over the reins until Shelley made a bold move of her own to force her parents hands 2005.

Shelley then transformed the old vault into "The Magic Room".

This is a story of strong women, Becker's and the brides that have stood in the Magic Room.

Their stories will make you cry, laugh and marvel at the strength of these women. Be it a Becker, a bride, or a mother or grandmother of the bride. Each one has a story, and each story is moving and uplifting.

The Magic Room is a perfect book for for mothers of daughters, fathers of daughters and daughters alike. If you have ever or may ever have an encounter with a wedding dress this book is worth a read.

Read a review, join a discussion at Blog Her.com: http://www.blogher.com/bookclub/now-reading-magic-room

This has been a paid review for BlogHer, the opinions however are mine, mine, mine.

Christmas surprises mean nothing to five year olds.

2011-12-12T21:34:00.000-08:00

I had a couple of posts written, one I was going to get paid for, and one describing our fantastic trip to Joshua Tree, they got lost in my iPad app. I'm hoping to recover them at some point, when the app updates, but needless to say I am not going to rewrite them at this point.

This weekend we took the boys out individually each morning for breakfast and shopping with either Mommy or Daddy. Each kid got each parent for an entire morning of undivided attention. A rarity, but something we are going to make more of an effort to do, more often. Both boys benefited, and some things going on with Evan make us feel like he might need it most.

Anyway, both mornings were super fun, but the best part of my day had to be when we brought the boys back together, and after both Scott and I had impressed upon both Ryan and Evan that what we bought should remain a secret until Christmas, Ryan proceeds to whisper into Evan's ear about the Darth Vader watch he got him, with the mini figure!!!! and Evan, squees with joy, and begins the constant begging to have his present now, instead of Christmas. Later I causally mentioned that our Meyer Lemons look like they are ripe, and Evan began listing all of the things he bought me while with his Dad. Later that day, Ryan began telling Scott all about the tragic thing that happened when we were buying his watch. Scott and I could not stop giggling.
That was Saturday.

So far the additional 500 mentions of not telling anyone what we got them for Christmas seems to have worked because I have not heard from Ryan anything, and I know Evan has not told his father!

I love this age!

An Anniversary of Sorts

2011-11-24T12:53:00.000-08:00

Four years ago, on Thanksgiving, I started this blog.

A place to write down the crazy things that happened in our day to day lives, to reflect on the path we have taken to this point, a place for far away family and friend to keep up with our crazies. Mostly, an outlet.

With Facebook, I admit, the blog has taken a bit of a backseat of late, but after glancing back at some of those early posts, I know, I MUST, comeback here more faithfully.

It is amazing how much my boys have grown if four years. And it is so nice to have four years of memories, and thoughts to look back upon.

So today, in addition to my family, friends, health, and happiness, I am Thankful that four years ago I had a few minutes to stop and make this place, I am sure 40 years from now, I will be even more Thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Halloween 2011

2011-11-13T16:11:00.001-08:00

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Teaching is not for the weak

2011-10-16T10:48:00.001-07:00

I seriously do not know how teachers do it. Everyday. All day. All that kid energy! Whew, exhausted just thinking about it!

Our school had it's first field trip this week. We took 75 K-3 kids to the freaking ballet.

Granted, it was a 50 minute performance of Alice in Wonderland that incorporated ballet and hip hop and it was geared specifically for young audiences, but wow quite an adventure for our first outing.

I was in charge of four kindergarteners two of which were mine. Man four kids is a lot. (yes, Linds, I was thinking about you all day)

It really wasn't that bad except the walking all 75 kids from the theatre to the park in which we planned on having lunch. It was 5 or 6 blocks through downtown at lunchtime. And then finding half of the "Occupy" protesters camping in our lunch spot. And then the scowls we got from the regular occupants of the park as 75 kids descended screaming and hollering as if they had been forced to sit nicely and watch a ballet for an hour. It was fun.

I find I am much more relaxed when it comes to the safety of my own kids, you know as opposed to the safety of kids that don't belong to me. I was terrified that one if my charges would get lost, abducted or run over by a car.

By the time we got back to the school I was done. My whole being was exhausted. Ms Kari said field trips are really exhausting and that the everyday is much easier. That being said, as room mom I'm buying her a case of wine for her holiday, birthday, and teacher appreciation week gifts. A case for EACH!!!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Kindergarten

2011-10-03T22:24:00.001-07:00

It has been quite a struggle getting the boys launched into kindergarten. I spent so much time researching, agonizing, and visiting schools. I spoke to parents, principals, and teachers. I finally made a decision and then the school closed, just seven weeks before school was to begin.

Needless to say there was panic, stress, and then some. I e-mailed and called and visited my second, third, fourth, and some new choices. I crashed parent meetings to get our names on wait lists. I then heard
that out of the ashes of my first choice a new school was rising.

The rest is a long and tedious story of waiting, literally the Thursday before our second choice school started our school found a location. Ten days later our school opened. Let me say this again. They found a location and in ten days a group of hardworking and dedicated parents cleaned, painted, moved furniture, set up classrooms and had the school opened.

We are now in our fourth week, and while driving 500 miles a week is already old, I am sure the boys are where they were meant to be.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

After the boys of summer have gone...

2011-09-12T20:45:00.001-07:00

They head off to kindergarten.

But before I let our last summer of complete freedom slip away the boys and I had adventure after adventure...at a glance.

The beach x2

Legoland x3

(oh and do I have a story about this last trip to Legoland and the ride home,
but it is a story for another day.)

Disneyland x2

Being that we are obsessed with Star Wars and Darth Vader at the moment, this was a particular highlight of our trip to Disneyland, as was the two rides on Star Tours. I had to use Mommy Mind Tricks to get both boys up on stage as the Jedi Master was choosing his young apprentices.

Evan using his Jedi Mind tricks.

Contemplative Padowan Ryan.

Ryan taking down Darth Vader.

Evan's turn.

Sea World

WIld Animal Park

This Cheetah Kiburi was in the nursery and we went to visit him several times a month, watching him grow, and running in front of his cage so he could run along side the boys. Ryan in particular, loved the little guy and would want to play with him forever if Evan would let him. He was heartbroken when Kiburi was no longer in the exhibit. This day we happened to be leaving when Kiburi was coming out as his new role as ambassador! Ryan was so happy to see his old friend, and I was really glad our timing was just right to see him.

Soccer started

Birthday party

Ryan requested a Moose Ear Hat, and a lightsaber.

And that was just the last three weeks.

And today we started kindergarten.

But first we had the opening our "cones". (For the second day of school they
would like me to make Harry Potter cones.)

Then we refused to pose for pictures.

We met our new teacher

She showed us where our backpacks go

...and we made ourselves comfortable.

...found some things of interest

"take a picture of me with the butterfly mommy!"

...and then we got down to business.

Culminating in a celebration after school with some ice cream and Legos.

Thoughts on the whole school thing to follow. Both mine and the boys.

-Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Weather Geeks

2011-09-01T09:48:00.000-07:00

I am not sure how this started other than pure genetics but my boys have turned into bonafide weather geeks.

The have latched on to the IMAX movie Tornado Alley as their touchstone.

I believe Scott was interested in taking the boys to see it and I was worried it might be a tad scary. Scott showed them a preview on his computer and they were hooked.

Since that moment they have been building TIVs (tornado intercept vehicle) out of Legos, drawing them on every surface and pretending we are chasing tornadoes every time we are in the car.

We did end up taking both boys to see the movie which has only turned up the obsession to 11. And I have begun answering to Sean Casey (IMAX cinematographer and creator of the TIV)

Last weekend their young dreams came true. (aside from becoming darth vader).

Yes the TIV was in town along with Sean Casey himself and we were there too.

We won TIV shirts because we brought in on Lego creations. (just an added bonus we brought them just to show Sean Casey and had no idea there was a whole Facebook thing going on)

We were able to climb in and around the TIV.

We were even interviewed for the local news (our interview never made it to air)(updated, someone saw us on TV so I guess we just missed the correct broadcast in the three hours of local news we TiVo'ed.)

Sadly I don't have a better picture of their Lego TIVs and the real thing, but it is pretty clear that they were in weather geek heaven.

Now if I can just convince them that they may NOT be storm chasers when they grow up.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Book Club: Faithful Place

2011-08-25T17:48:00.001-07:00

I just finished reading my third Blog Her Book Club selection Faithful Place by Tana French. It was a great mystery/crime novel that I had a tough time putting down! My review is up over at http://www.blogher.com/bookclub/living-faithful-place-can-be-murder

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

This has been bothering me for a long long time

2011-08-22T17:13:00.001-07:00

...and I finally remembered to write about it.

I'm not sure how it became okay, or rather good, for every restaurant to have televisions. I understand the sports bar, duh, or even in the bar, but why is it that nearly every restaurant has a television in the dining area.

I am an admitted television junkie. I mainline primetime. I understand how hypocritical it is of me that I have had my children be virtually television free ( with the exception of a few sports, because we love sports, and Dino Train while I cut their hair) for the first five and a half years of their lives, while as soon as they are tucked in to bed Scott and I zone out and watch the loads of shows waiting for us on our multiple TiVo's.

While I make no judgements, I am personally happy that my kids don't watch television and they don't even really know to ask for it aside from asking when we can watch hockey again. I love that most of their pop culture references come from books and what Scott and I have told them, not from television programmers and ad executives.

However I find it more than disturbing that we cannot seem to go out to eat *anywhere* without television monitors in every corner.

What happened to dinner conversation? What happened to looking at your companions and enjoying being with them?

Look around you it seems to be everywhere, from so called family restaurants to major chains, to the mom and pop corner eatery. It makes me sad that it has been decided that we as a culture would rather stare in to a monitor rather than those precious faces sitting across from us.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Holding Pattern

2011-08-12T15:16:00.000-07:00

We are just a few weeks away from the start of school, and my life is so up in the air! I wish I knew where we were going to go to school in the fall (three weeks).

My first choice is looking like we are going to be in a fantastic location, 45 minutes from the house. That is at least three hours a day on the road. That is less than ideal.

My second choice, is just that, a second choice.

My first choice looks like it will have great hours 8:30 to 1:45! Just over five hours. The location sounds fantastic. Big open spaces, room for a huge garden. The philosophy of the school is still fantastic, even more so, with talks of full sustainability, solar panels, gray water capture, trashless environment.

My second choice, has okay hours 9-3. The location is nice. The philosophy is similar, but different.

I just wish, wish I knew something for sure.

Not my stories to tell

2011-07-28T16:10:00.001-07:00

Many things are happening around me that have me in a state. They are not my stories to tell, so I cannot write about them here.

I just know my emotions are raw. My heart is aching.

I am worried about my friends.

I am worried about their families.

I feel their pain.

I don't know their pain, but I can imagine it.

Hug your children.

Get your Mammograms.

Be thankful for your healthy babies.

Memories...Misty water colored

2011-07-10T10:07:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to blog, but I don't know, life keeps getting in the way.

We have been keeping busy since the last day of school.
Family vacations, Dinosaur camp, Fourth of July, it's been quite hectic. I have still not completely unpacked from vacation, there are things everywhere, and I just feel unsettled.

One of the things I've been doing is I've been burning some cd's on my old computer, where all of my old pictures are stored. They have been cycling through as screen savers and bringing up old memories.

I cannot believe the boys are five! I cannot believe how big they are. They are so grown up.
As I look at the pictures pop up from the NICU, as Evan is being wheeled off into surgery by Peggy, the first time I held either of my babies (Ryan), the first time I held both of them, the machines, the wires, I wonder how we made it through that time, virtually unscathed.

Then I see them as babies, oh, those cheeks!

Then as toddlers, with no hair, but still with the cheeks!

They were such cute little babies, toddlers, oh, my heart aches looking at their adorableness.

Sometimes I feel like I missed out on so much of that time. It's a fog. Such a distant memory, yet so much of that time is crystal clear. The fear of "THE" phone call. The sights, sounds and smells of the NICU. The quiet of 3AM disturbed by the sound of a breast pump instead of a baby. The color of blue, black blue, it still makes me feel ill. The monitors going off in the middle of the night. None of that normal, none of those memories should STILL be so vivid, while the memories of first steps, first teeth, and first words, are so foggy.

It isn't right, but it is what it is. Thankfully, I have the pictures to jog my memory, and that I have the boys here making new ones daily.

Preschool: It's all over now baby blue

2011-06-13T20:08:00.001-07:00

Last Friday was the boys last day of preschool. It is so hard to believe that the year has already come and gone and that this is the last time my boys will be arriving for their first day of school here and walking through those gates as a preschooler. Sigh.

It seems like just yesterday but it was more that two years ago that I first dropped them off, for the first time ever I had left my babies in the hands of others. Those others nurtured and cared for my boys and I couldn't have asked for a better first school experience.

This year was not any different. We had such wonderful teachers that fostered that love of learning, and sense of exploration. They encouraged, supported and loved my boys and I will never forget the amazing experience we had, how safe they made me feel leaving them in their hands, how special they made my children feel, how much they learned.

Thank you to the amazing teachers and staff, we will always remember our first foray into education.

Almost every day we had to stop in the office to say Hello to our teacher from last year, it is clear that the boys were very bonded to her, and to all of the teachers at our school. I cannot say enough good things about our school. I am so sad to be saying goodbye.

A good friend of mine made these monograms for their teachers and I thought they were such a cute idea, I stole them for our end of the year gifts. I love how they turned out. The boys added a picture and note for the backs, they were a hit with our teachers too. This is where my friend found the idea.

Off to Kindergarten in the fall...I am so not ready for that!

Book Club: Getting to Happy

2011-06-10T21:01:00.000-07:00

My second review for the Blog Her Book Club is up. This sequel to Waiting to Exhale is a reminder to us all that a good girlfriend is a valuable thing.

http://www.blogher.com/getting-happy-already

2011-06-06T16:31:00.000-07:00

You may have noticed the new little badge on the right of my blog. I joined the Blog Her Book Club!

I read my first book, and posted my first review for the book A Discovery of Witches, it's a great book to take on vacation, or to the beach.

I have to say it was quite a luxury to read a book again, you know, the kind with out pictures!!!

http://www.blogher.com/charmed-meets-twilight

Memories of Christmas Past

2011-05-29T22:09:00.001-07:00

Today out of nowhere, while I was supposed to be thinking about nothing in savasana, a memory came flooding back to me.

It must have been the boys second Christmas, they were about twenty months old, fifteen months adjusted, ( we were still adjusting for age in those days, which is an odd distant memory today ).

Evan had a fondness for the star on the top of the tree, (he still does) he would spend forever looking at it and signing star. I think we took the tree down during naps or at sometime when the babies were sleeping. When Evan say the empty space where the tree once sat, he looked and signed star, all done, and looked at me with such a sad little face.

I'm not sure why this memory came to me today but it did and my heart is fuller for it tonight.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Yosemite May 2011

2011-05-25T15:54:00.000-07:00

We decided on a little long weekend in Yosemite. It was quick, but much fun was had by all.

There was still snow on the ground and we had a small snowball fight, and a bit of "skiing on my shoes" (Ryan)

It appears one practice and one game a week have improved Evan's throwing form. Look at that follow through!

This is at Mirror Lake, just seconds before Evan fell face first into said Lake. A few more seconds later, there were tears. Icy cold snow melt tears.

Playing "Pooh Sticks".

Can boys walk through the woods with out balancing on fallen trees? I don't think so!

Lower Yosemite Falls, Evan and his ever present Red Umbrella.

Discussing hydrology. The boys don't yet really swim, or kayak, but they know how to read the water!!!

A moment of pure brotherly love. (or something, either way, at least they are both laughing)

Below Bridalveil Falls, it was wet, wet, wet! The trail up was full of water and we had some wet toes.

Off on an adventure.

Bridalveil Falls, amazingly big this time of year!!!!

We also managed to get to Vernal Falls, not all the way to the top, but to the steps, it was just too hazardous to take two five year old squirmy boys up those steep wet steps!!! Maybe next year.

It was a lovely vacation, our cabin was cute and quiet, aside from Ryan's snoring, and the deer came feet away from us. The South Fork of the Merced was a short walk from our front door, and every night the boys went down to the "creek" to look for rocks.

I just love being in nature with the boys, watching them, seeing amazing things through their eyes. Good times, Good times.

_____________________________________________

Evan: I am working on some serious art work here.

Pillow Talk

2011-05-15T19:01:00.000-07:00

At bedtime

Evan: Mommy, I will ALWAYS love you.
Me: I will ALWAYS love you Evan.
Evan: I will NEVER, NOT love you.

Sigh...

Mother's Day Memory

2011-05-08T17:33:00.001-07:00

Five years ago when I celebrated my first Mother's Day, things were quite different from the hustling and bustling that my morning was filled with. As I cuddled my giant children this morning, my mind went to that first Mother's Day.

My babies were just five weeks old and we were not yet sure if this would be my first and only Mother's Day. Ryan and Evan were still struggling for each and every breath, still barely clinging to life.

I remember hoping that on *this* Mother's Day, this day for Mothers, I might get to feel like a mother, that maybe this would be the day I could hold one or both of my babies. I had only been allowed to hold my babies each one or two times before this day. A few moths later it would be a given, I could walk in and pick up either baby, but this day, and for many more days, I would have to ask permission, I would have to check. How were your oxygen levels, your CO2 levels, heart rates, your stability in the past 12 hours. All that checking just to hold my babies.

It would be many more months before I would be in charge of your care, like a real mom, it would be many more months before I could hold you at will, before I felt truly like a real mom. But if I knew then what I know now, I might have handled that first Mother's Day with a little more joy and a lot less fear.

Now I am fully aware of what a true Mom feels like...TIRED!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Ryan at Five

2011-05-04T20:36:00.001-07:00

How can it be that you are five? Where did the time go? I can still picture you as the two pound bundle of fire and fiest. Your tiny fists clenched, your will so strong that you survived against all odds.

You are still feisty and passionate. Full of life, full of energy. Yet your sweetness makes me weak in the knees. You are the most apt to say "momma I love you" for no reason except you feel like it. Lately you have sartre calling me your "best buddy ever" or the "best mommy ever". Which I will never argue with. Just the other day you woke up from your nap and looked up at me and said " I need some love from my bug" I then hugged you until you begged me to stop.

You still love ladybugs and Ringo and cacti. And they, plus about twenty other buddies have to join you in bed each night. For some unknown reason you have taken to wearing a touque to bed each night, which really makes me giggle. You wrap your arms around my neck and sing at the top of your lungs every night. I cannot tell you how much that makes me smile.

While you still love music, you have stopped singing the National Anthem. That makes me sad. I loved it when you would just break it out when ever the mood struck.

You have an amazing capacity for sports. You remember teams, cities, logos, colors. Your favorite teams are the Kings, and pretty much any team that wears red. Which makesnit difficult when you want to root for the Red Wings or the Canadiens.

Your vocabulary becomes more astounding each day and I firmly believe you will do somthing in life where talking is important. It has been well documented that you really do say the funniest things.

This year we started T-ball and hockey. You do have focus issues as you are usually too busy talking to anyone who will listen about whatever it is on your mind. I love watching you in the outfield talking to the apposing teams coaches. They usually smile, nod and sometimes laugh outnloud.

You like to call yourself Jack Johnson, or Eli Manning to your brothers Anze Kopitar and Peyton Manning. You also like to pretend to be literary characters, you are often Jack (of Magic Tree House fame) or Harry Potter. For reasons unknown to me, Ryan is always Annie or Hermione Granger.

Your reading is coming along so nicely. I am amazed somedays by the sight words you have and listening to you sound out words as you see them or try to write them. You recently told me that the thing you love most about school is learning. I hope you feel that way for the rest of your life. That is why I have been agonizing over sending you to our local public school. While it is considered to be a great school I fear that too much emphasis is placed on testing and conforming to what politicians believe is important and not what is best for the children and the way children learn. I am 90% sure where you will end up next year, and no matter which school it will be somewhere that appreciates your uniqueness.

You are so special my little man, so full of life, so full of opinions, so unabashed. You are vibrant, technicolor, a tornado, a tsunami of passion, you are larger than life. You are Evan at Five.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Evan at Five

2011-05-03T18:00:00.000-07:00

Yikes

2011-04-15T20:50:00.000-07:00

It has been so long since I posted. My intention was to post the Boys at Five posts, their birthday party post, and a recap of our school visit, but I've had some trouble writing them, not because there isn't enough to say, but because I have an iPad and I cannot blog from it. (some random incompatibility with blogger) I am composing them on the iPad in word, but I keep getting distracted by words with friends or angry birds or plants vs. zombies, or NY Times crossword puzzles, or sudoku, or any of the 10,000 other things I can do on that cool little toy.

My school visit went well, and I am 99% convinced that this is the school my boys should attend. They will be nurtured and they will be given the tools they need to be critical thinkers. I love it. the 1% I reserve because the school is moving and they have no idea where they will be next year. But this school feels right enough that I might just drive to LA if I had to. (no, I won't have to)

The boys had a fun party, and they are five. (I assure you, there will be more on both) But right now it is my turn to play a word and I have terrible letters. What can I make with VVAAIOT?

Educating Ryan and Evan

2011-03-31T20:23:00.000-07:00

It has been no secret that I have been stressing about sending my boys to public Kindergarten since oh, well before the boys were born. Stressing is a mild description of my state of mind, agonizing, is maybe a better descriptor.

I've considered many, many, options from home schooling to selling my soul, going back to work and taking a second on the house to send the boys to a private school, and everything in between.

I had resigned myself to sending them to the local elementary. The one with 900 kids. (that's as big as my high school) The one with 7, SEVEN kindergarten classes. But as registration grew closer, I grew even more apprehensive. Sick even.

Then I started bantering around the idea of my own private school. Hiring a teacher and recruiting 6 or 8 kids, rotating homes, locations. It was because of this idea that I started thinking about the teachers I knew, I reached out to see if anyone knew of anyone.

Lo and behold, a friend of mine, who taught at a private school with a teaching philosophy I love before having her son, was interested and looking for part time work. We had a discussion the other day, and she mentioned a school where a friend of hers works. A place she is considering for her own son in a year. We talked briefly about the teaching philosophy, and it sounded great. I immediately googled it, and found it is a school with an approach that was one of my favorites when I did my initial research 5 years ago.

One of the things that had been holding me back from many schools, and applying to many charter schools was Scott's insistence that the boys go to school in the neighborhood, so they could hang with their buddies after school, like he did. He was pretty adamant. However, just after the application deadline for one of my favorite schools passed, Scott had a change of heart.

Armed with this new freedom, and knowing that most application deadlines had passed, I took a chance and "swung by" this new school of interest. And while it is not in a new building, I've described it as a bit dingy, and it is far away from home, I filled out applications on the spot. It felt like a weight had lifted off of my shoulders. The weight of the world so to speak. I think I actually slept last night for the first time in well, a long, long time. I now have an option.

We officially tour the school on Thursday, and I hope it is all that I want it to be, all that I need it to be, all that my boys need it to be.

Rituals

2011-03-16T21:56:00.000-07:00

The bedtime ritual around here is one of those things that I know that I am going to miss when the boys get too big to be tucked in.

Evan especially has his "things"

Scott has to sing Hallelujah
I have to say "the words"
"No crying about buttons or buddies, curtains or fans, mirrors or lights, tents or pillows, or NOTHIN'"
and then we hug and kiss.

A few months ago he started adding a death grip on my neck followed by the phrase "I'm never gonna let you go!"

Which always warmed my heart and I would say, "you never have to honey." but every time he said it, I would think of the Sergio Mendes song "I'm Never Gonna Let You Go" So after a few weeks I started singing the chorus to him,

I'm never gonna let you go
I'm gonna hold you in my arms forever
Gonna try and make up for the times
I hurt you so

And then I would get to that last line and find it inappropriate (as is the rest of the song) to sing to my baby, so I changed it up a bit.

Gonna try and make up for the times
I tickled you soooooooooo....

during which I would tickle him and he would be forced to release his death grip on my neck.

he got wise to me and said that I had to say cuddled instead of tickled. I obliged.

Well, in the last few nights Evan has decided that the singing of the 80's classic was his to sing,
and oh. my. goodness. nothing can make me smile like my 4 year old belting out, directly in my ear...

I'm never gonna let you go
I'm gonna hold you in my arms forever
Gonna try and make up for the times
I cuddled you so.

Ryan-isms

2011-03-15T17:51:00.000-07:00

Just a couple of things that Ryan has said in the last couple of days that have made me laugh.

Ryan: (to Evan) WHAT? por favor?

Ryan: Mommy?!? I tripped over my boot and went KER-SPLAT! and my hand got covered in chalk.

OUR Magic "Tree"house

2011-03-09T14:52:00.000-08:00

We had a bit of a construction project out in the backyard a few weekends ago. It started well.

And then a rock got in the way. There was a lot of banging, sledgehammering, and sawing? Eventually the rock gave in.

There was a lot of standing around, looking at things. There were many trips to various home improvement centers. There were lots of laughs. There were lots of offers of help.

In the end there were two very excited boys, and Ryan and Evan were pretty happy too.

There have been dinners in our new magic tree house/pirate ship/hunting cabin/fishing boat.

There will be many childhood memories made.

_________________________________________________

Oh, and some T-ball video, just because it is really cute.

Evan-isms

2011-03-03T14:30:00.001-08:00

Evan: (in the car on the way home from Phil's BBQ) Look Jack in the Box!!!! I *LOVE* Jack in the Box.

Me: You have never had Jack in the Box.

Evan: Yes I have!

Me: WHEN have you had Jack in the Box?!?!?

Evan: I haven't, but I've been DREAMING about it!

________________________________________________

Evan: (In the middle of the night to Nannie) I need to blow my nose.

Evan: Where is Daddy?

Nannie: In bed.

Evan: You should be in bed too.

Disneyland in 1000 pictures

2011-03-01T19:30:00.000-08:00

There is a picture of me, at this age, at this wishing well somewhere in the family archives...I will find it and post it alongside.

Seriously cute boys slept so well in the cozy hotel beds.

Evan was a quarter of an inch too small to ride on the rapids, so Ryan and Mommy took to the raft together.

Evan could not wait to hear about Ryan's adventure.

Ryan recounted every last detail!

Princesses, Smincesses.

We are all about the cars.

I am saving now for my car insurance premiums in 11 years.

There was lots of love for It's a Small World.

First of many family trips to Disneyland! It was so much fun, and such a joy. One thing I found funny is that the boys loved the Matterhorn, Space Mountain, and Big Thunder RR, but did not like any of the "kid" rides because they were too dark and loud. Evan's favorite was the Ferris Wheel, and Ryan loved Space Mountain. Neither can wait to go back.

I still have a few pictures on my iPhone, have to pull them off. Let's just say there was a ton of fun had by all!!!

Disneyland post coming soon!

2011-02-22T20:44:00.001-08:00

I've got pictures and things to say about Disneyland coming soon.

And So it Begins

2011-02-05T15:07:00.000-08:00

Thursday night we had our very first T-Ball practice!

We ran the bases...

We practiced hitting....

We took some grounders....

We also practiced catching fly balls, and throwing.

Most importantly we practiced listening to our coaches!

There was a whole lotta little boy energy out there on the field, and boy was it cute.

Huh????

2011-01-26T20:34:00.000-08:00

All day long I hear,

"Butchie, Butchie, Latimer, B" (the B is short for bug, because you know, after saying Butchie, Butchie Latimer, saying Bug is much too much.)

If anyone knows where my children picked this up, please let me know.

Slowing down

2011-01-18T15:22:00.000-08:00

When the boys were young I made a conscious decision not to rush them through our days. As we walked the paths of our lives I wanted to enjoy and let them enjoy their own spontaneity. I wanted them to remember that we always stopped to smell the flowers. As they have gotten older we have gotten busier and I realized that we were rushing everywhere.

Today at the WAP we were walking the trails in the cactus garden we took a turn that led us to this dead end.

I wanted to immediately turn around so we could continue on our hike, but the boys had a different idea.

I'm not sure how long we sat here

We played in the dirt,

"fed the birds" (dirt)

Those little piles of dirt on the rocks are the "food" that Ryan and Evan left for the birds.

built a sandcastle (dirt), and

This was a sandcastle one moment and Half Dome the next.

wrote letters in the sand with our sand crayons

however long it was, it was long enough for me to compose this post, one letter at a time with my thumbs, using the note function in my not so smart phone.

We are still playing blissfully and I am still sitting not so blissfully on a hard rock. But I am so glad I put my own agenda in check and allowed this totally organic moment to occur.

More images from the holidays

2011-01-10T19:06:00.000-08:00

New Year's Eve traditions continue...

During my childhood, I spent almost every New Year's Eve at my cousin's house. We would play games, eat tons of cookies, and food, and play. all. night. long. Some of my fondest memories come from those ultra late nights. (we'd go home in the very wee hours of the morning) For the last couple of years we've started the tradition with the boys, and my cousin's kids. It was a fun night watching the next generation of New Year's Eve-ers, although my boys were begging to go home to bed by 9:30 and we finally gave in and took them home at 10. Maybe next year.

This photo cracks me up, because it was the best, of about 30 pictures in the series. I am not exaggerating. In all of the other 29, SOMEONE was looking away, down, making a funny face, or blinking, and that was just Grammie and Poppa. (I kid) Getting 3 kids 5 and under to look and smile for the camera is quite a challenge. (Alison you are worth every penny)

Again, Auntie Shelley, will you please sit still?!?!? =)

And this is just in here because it was a cute moment and kind of reminds me of a sitcom from the late 60's, early 70's...anyone?, anyone?

Before I forget

2011-01-05T20:47:00.000-08:00

I have to jot this down before the black hole that is my mind looses this gem from the holidays.

While in Lakeport with Scott's family, the boys were playing tennis with their cousin Madison. Each kid took turns hitting a ball.

First Madison, and George cheered, "Great Job, Madison"

Then Ryan, "Nice hit, Ryan"

Then Evan. (George was looking the other way)
Evan looks and him and says "Poppa, you have to give me words of encouragement."

I wasn't present, but after hearing George tell this story, and knowing my child, I feel like I was there.

George was at first dumbfounded by the remark, he has now recovered and has quite an anecdote to tell.

Rainy Day Fun

2010-12-29T18:52:00.000-08:00

I've been neglectful. What can I say, it was Christmas time. I was busy.

My boys love jumping in puddles.

What to do, what to do...

2010-12-07T14:50:00.000-08:00

Lately the boys have been talking about a boy in their class.

They never seem to have anything good to say about this little boy.

I gather he is a little bit of trouble.

He may have some issues.

B took the phone out of my hand and broke it.

B took the pink towel away from me.

B took the camera I was using and put it in the paint so I couldn't use it anymore.

B knocked over my bucket, and Ryan's too.

B does crazy stuff.

Now, B seems like a sweet kid. He is on the younger end of the class, so some of his behavior may be that. Even though the boys complain about his actions, they still say good morning to him with enthusiasm. Their statements are all matter of fact, they never seem upset by it, but it is long in the past by the time I hear about it.

I struggle with how to approach this situation. I've considered asking the teachers what is going on. I've suggested that if what B is doing upsets them, they should avoid playing with him, however it seems that B seeks out trouble, and again, they don't seem overly upset.

My concerns are that I don't want this behavior rubbing off, and I don't want things to escalate.

I don't think this kid is a bully, he just doesn't know how to play appropriately. He is highly verbal, maybe I should just have Evan talk to him!

A scar is just a scar

2010-12-01T21:27:00.000-08:00

So, today we had our post-op VCUG and renal ultrasound. We were supposed to have it a month after the surgery, but Children's is so backed up that we had to wait three months for this appointment. (this is relevant, I promise)

Ryan and Evan have been coughing since, well, like September, so did not even think about the ramifications of a cough, and administering laughing gas to my boy. Okay, I did, but I thought that I could clear his lungs enough with a little Albuterol, like I did last time. No problem.

Well, not so much. When the nurse listened to him she could barely hear air moving he was so congested. Yeah, I felt like a total negligent mom when she asked me if we had seen a doctor for this cold. No, we haven't. If I ran to the doctor every time one of these boys had a cough, they'd have to give me a job. I generally treat at home. I have my own stethoscope for goodness sakes, I know what junk in the lungs sound like. I KNOW what blue lips look like. Any---Way....

No Nitrous for Ryan.

My options, reschedule. (and wait another 3 months) or let him go through with the procedure with no sedation. Here's bad mom number two moment. Aw heck, let's just go for it. He'll be fine.

And he was. Totally.

There were tears, and he was scared, but he was wonderfully brave, and he still managed to laugh, joke and make me laugh during it all.

And then we had spicy noodles with chicken for lunch. And sticky rice with mango. And lots of hugs and reading.

Oh, yeah, and his reflux is gone, his surgery worked, and aside from another ultrasound in a year, we are free. Free of meds, free of Urology clinic, free of annual VCUG's (with or without nitrous)

WOOOOOOO HOOOOO!!!!

The funny papers

2010-11-24T21:07:00.000-08:00

Me: I'm noting that in my brain
Evan: you cant note it in your brain because you don't have any paper
Ryan: or a pen

Scott: (after looking at a particularly high credit card bill, and totally joking) That's it, no Christmas presents for anyone this year.
Evan: (running in from the other room, hands on hips) WHAT!!!! NO CHRISTMAS PRESENTS!!!!!

Ryan: (Holding up his arm between his chair and the wall) I'm impeding Grandma.

A collection of stuff

2010-11-17T14:58:00.000-08:00

So, this is just a collection of miscellany.

We go to the zoo often, but some days it strikes me just how lucky we are.

Seriously, how lucky can we be to see these amazing creatures any time we want. SO. COOL.

And, we can learn all about things like rattlesnakes, from a safe distance.

Apparently, we've also been paying attention to all of the things we talk about at the zoo and at home.

When asked, they told me that they were in their chrysalises.

This is one of the many outfits Ryan has picked out for himself. I love his unique sense of style!

This kid was sleeping so hard and looked so peaceful, I couldn't resist, and the flas

Ryan created this catcher's mask out of paper and flexible train tracks. Clever!

Evan decided that this Knight's costume looked more like catcher's gear. He was kind of right.

Ryan was really proud of his Stanford Football field. Note the S in the middle, and Hoover Tower in the bottom left corner.

Evan practiced making an S for his football field...

...and then made this drawing of Ben Roethlisberger. (that's a 7 on his chest.)

Ryan has been full of it in the last few days.

This morning Evan walked into our room with his guitar, Ryan said "Are you going to play us a little tune?"

Evan was whining a little bit, okay, a lot, and Ryan said to him "Why are you always so dramatic in the mornings?"

In the car the boys were hysterically laughing over some inappropriate potty talk, barely able to get the words out of his mouth Ryan says "My belly hurts from laughing so hard!!!!!"

Future Foodies of America or It's Time to Rethink the Children's Menu

2010-11-09T15:46:00.000-08:00

My Mother in Law has been in town (more on that later) and today we had to take her to the airport so she could continue her tour of grand kids in Sacramento. We decided that a trip to Balboa Park on the airport would be a great way to end our week of fun. Our goal was the Reuben H. Fleet Museum, but as we pulled up there were three school buses unloading what looked like thousands of school kids. Much to my boys disappointment, I opted for the "let's just walk around the park and play" approach. (Note to self. Never go to Balboa Park on free Tuesdays, ever.)

We played, walked around and then decided to stop for lunch. At the Prado. Carol and I decided to split some appetizers, and the boys chose Macaroni and Cheese off the kids menu. The boys happily got started on the mac and cheese when it arrived and were eating well. UNTIL...

Our appetizers arrived. Apparently, my kids like

panko crusted jumbo lump crabcakes (Evan)

diced jicama-lime slaw, avocado-serrano chili puree, chipotle aioli

and

crispy calamari fries (Ryan)

tossed in a sweet & spicy korean soy bean chili sauce, napa cabbage slaw

much better than Mac and Cheese.

Carol and I basically shared one crab cake and about ten calamari fries, some garnish and the complementary flat bread.

I love my little foodies.

Twins!

2010-11-04T15:27:00.000-07:00

I took this picture because it was so cute they snuggled in to read. But. Wow! The boys really look alike in this picture. Like Twins!

Halloween 2010

2010-11-02T14:32:00.000-07:00

This year, the boys participated in their first ever Halloween Costume Parade at school. I use the word parade as loosely as possible, it was more like a bunch of confused kids dressed in costume walking around the courtyard a few times. It was really super cute. Ryan and Evan had fun, but as you can see in this picture, not everyone was as happy.

On Halloween, we went to our friend's house for our annual dinner, cupcake decorating and trick or treating extravaganza! I love these kids almost as much as my own. I've known them almost all of their lives, and I've watched them go from fragile little things to amazing, a-ma-zing, boys.
When we get together it is always chaos and whirlwind of little boy energy, and it is ALWAYS a joy.

To say these kids were extremely excited for Halloween is an understatement. There was spinning and dancing at dinner, there was a noise level to rival a playoff game at the Staples Center, and there was a frenetic energy that had the whole house vibrating.

I was calm however, I was holding the baby. (sigh, watch out Linds, I may just take her home one day)

We took this same picture last year, with much less success. The difference between 3 and 4 is amazing.

We also had more success in the actual trick or treat process. No one ran into strangers homes, or up their stairs, although I do think there were a few feet inside doorsteps, but that was just the crush to get at the candy bowls, and who can blame them. Seriously cute four four year old trick or treaters full of excitement and joy, made my heart swell at almost every door. About half way around the block Evan was done.

I found out it was because he really wanted to go back and eat his cupcake. The cupcake decorating went better than last year too. I was holding the baby, so I have pictures of that. But this year no one dumped the entire container of sprinkles on one cupcake and the other all over the floor. There were some really cute creations, and they tasted good too!

So good it almost knocked Evan's glasses off!

Ryan was decidedly against frosting. He just shoved candy corn and candy pumpkins into the cupcakes. What'cha gonna do?

I put two very tired boys straight to bed, and nary a peep was heard from either all night. We (Scott and I) are still recovering as I'm sure our lovely hosts are too.

Pumpkin Patch 2010

2010-10-25T21:03:00.000-07:00

I realize it's been a while since I posted pictures of the boys. They are getting so big and grown up. I need to do more pictures, more consistently, just more.

We took a class field trip to a local Pumpkin Patch, a couple of weeks ago, and the boys, and their classmates had a blast.

Not evidenced by Ryan's face here, but there was a fun hayride.

A cotton seed hill to slide down. (on a side note, I loved watching the multiple sets of twins sharing the saucers, lots of the kids tried to share, but it seemed that the twins were the most successful. It's all that womb sharing, it comes in handy.)

And then there was the pumpkin picking.

I swear they had to touch every. single. pumpkin. twice.

But ultimately we were happy with our choices, and we had a really fun morning with our class.

Genetics are funny

2010-10-18T19:10:00.000-07:00

A few years ago my cousin asked me what it was like to finally have a BLOOD relative. To see my features reflected in someone else. I hadn't really thought of my children in that way. I think I was just too tired to think that deeply.

Lately, I've noticed little bits of genetics cropping up. Not the obvious stuff, like looks, but little things, odd things that make me laugh.

When I was a child, I loved vinegar. When we made Easter eggs or salad dressing, I would lick the measuring spoon. I know. Totally weird.

Ryan, loves vinegar. I made some pickled cucumbers, and he loves them, but what he loves the most, is drinking the pickling juice. That HAD to come from me.

Evan was changing his clothes and I happened to look at his shoulder, and he has a little bump on one shoulder. Just like me.

Evan's new favorite breakfast is fried egg sandwiches. When I was pregnant and right after the boys were born, I ate two fried egg sandwiches almost every day.

Ryan is turning into my difficult sleeper. He seems to have a tough time falling asleep, and when he wakes up in the middle of the night or some crazy time like five in the freaking morning, he cannot go back to sleep. I'm sorry for that one bud. You have no idea how sorry I am.

Oh, and believe me there are Scott genes in there too. Oh, boy!

Ryan LOVES ketchup, crushed red peppers and very spicy food. That totally, totally, totally comes from Scott.

Both boys have a passion for baseball hats. Their collection is rivaling Scott's.

Both boys, but especially Ryan, are very athletic. Naturally. That's Scott.

And then there's the stuff that comes from both of us, and the boys had no chance, poor things.

Competitiveness- WOW. This one is off the charts. Sorry guys. It is getting so intense that we are having lots of discussions about how to be a gracious looser, or not play at all. It's not just the normal stuff either. We compete over everything. Who gets in the car the fastest. (this one has led to tears on many occasions) Who sleeps the longest. Who gets dressed the fastest. Who eats the fastest. It's always important who wins. I'm trying to use this to my advantage, but working on the gracious looser aspect is making it a wash.

Love of sports- I'm not sure they could be any more sports crazy. CRA-ZY I tell you. I think I spend 80 percent of my day explaining the complexities of any given sport. Which reminds me I need a lacrosse expert soon. We were in the pro shop of our ice rink today, and Evan started pointing to all of the hats on the wall and naming the team and the city. If he didn't know it, (there was only one) Ryan did. I hope we aren't wasting valuable brain space on this kind of knowledge, but it IS pretty cool to have a kid who can name almost all of the NHL logos by sight, oh and don't even get me started on baseball or football.

I understand what my cousin was getting at. When you see yourself reflected back at you, it's unbelievable. It's funny, and odd, and sometimes just plain magical, and it always takes my breath away.

Epic Fail

2010-10-05T19:18:00.000-07:00

So I just had one of those Mommy Dearest moments. I've never had one before. I feel like a real shit. I just want to cry I feel so, so, bad. ARGH.

I was in the Ryan's bedroom for no more than, 3 minutes. I was looking for some 4T pants for Evan and switching out which drawers they belong in. (I still can't find the jeans I was looking for and I have no idea where they are.) Again, super short time, boys were getting ready for bed, something they are perfectly capable of doing unsupervised.

I return to the living room to hear something about lotion not coming off, and find Ryan and Evan in the bathroom, COVERED, in Ryan's $18 a jar lotion. It was a full jar, it is now about half empty. Ryan had almost an inch thick of lotion on his legs and feet, his foot was in the sink as he was trying to wash it off. Yeah, this stuff does not just wash off, that's the point of it.

Evan's hands were, well, totally white, as he had done the majority of the application on Ryan's legs, and he had gobs of lotion on his hands and in between his fingers.

There was lotion on the tile, on the carpet, and on the couch. Have I mentioned that this stuff is super thick, oily, greasy, staining thick, stuff.

I LOST IT. I yelled. I admit it. I yelled. I made Evan cry because I yelled.

And then I cried, because, I made my baby cry, and I didn't know where to begin cleaning the mess up. I'm still shaking I'm so upset.

I gave them their snacks an put them straight to bed, partly so I could clean it all up, and partly for their own protection.

I can sit here an justify my actions, the end of a long and very difficult day that had multiple timeouts, and bodily injuries to each other. Lots of boy fights and just bad behavior. Scott gone all weekend so I had no respite, and will have none until Saturday, and knowing this is going to be a long week for him at work, which means a lot of long nights alone for me and the boys, after a weekend of no respite. But I know people have it much, much worse than me, husbands that are gone on tours, or consistently work late, or are just not in the picture. I know that one weekend is and shouldn't be a big deal and I REALLY shouldn't complain or use it as an excuse for MY bad behavior, but it's all I have.

I was a bad mom tonight. I yelled at my precious boys. I fell like a shit.

I was also a good mom, and I apologized for over reacting. I explained that what they did was not acceptable, but neither was my reaction, and I was going to go sit in timeout until I felt like being nice. (or stopped beating myself up about it, whichever comes first.)

Sigh.

______________________________________________

On a lighter note, which I think we totally need to end on...here are a few things that have been said around here that have made me laugh.

Evan: when I fart in bed, I cover it up with a blanket so I don't smell it.

Evan: Ryan do you love me
Evan: Yes, I love you but I don't like your behavior.

Evan: My last name is Babe Ruth Ostrem
Ryan: My last name is Joltin' Joe

Evan: I love you mama
Me: I love you too sweetie.
Evan: Thank you for loving me.
Me: (on the floor in a puddle)

Do NOT Blink.

2010-09-27T19:05:00.000-07:00

Today, as I was preparing dinner I thought about how nice it is to have twins. They play so well with each other. I gazed out into the living room where the two boys were sharing a blanket and a book, and smiled. Oh, those early years, they were tough. EXHAUSTING. But now, just look at them, best friends, so sweet with each other. Almost brought a tear to my eye.

Then I turned around to put something into the pan, and the scene went from idyllic to every one in time out NOW! In less than a blink of an eye.

Sigh...

It's so nice to have twins.

Stop the presses

2010-09-19T19:14:00.001-07:00

We are on night three of wearing underware to bed. Nights one and two went perfectly, but please, think dry thoughts for me.

Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jacks

2010-09-13T19:32:00.000-07:00

My kids are sports nuts.

Seriously crazy about sports.

I know, I know, apples, trees.

They have been asking to go to a baseball game recently, since baseball is our new passion, from where this sprouted up, who knows, but at least 100 times a week I am asked if we can go play baseball. I am happy to oblige, but I am getting a little tired of getting hit with come-backers!

Sunday we went to the Padres game, for several days, it was all the boys could talk about. How many days until we go to the Padres game? Is tomorrow the day we go to the baseball game? I want to go to the baseball game today. Remember when we went to the baseball game last year? I was pretty relieved when Sunday rolled around.

I just loved this shot of Evan walking with Scott, his mitt under his arm, the cuteness kills me!

While the Padres were busy losing to the Giants, in a truly pathetic offensive performance, MY BOYS were tearing it up!

When the Padres designed their new ball park (PetCo Park) they created this wonderful family friendly environment, where you can picnic, play ball, play in the sand, or on the park play structure, not to mention roll down the big hill. It's only five dollars to get in, and if you have kids, who generally take three hour naps, and you are attempting to push them way beyond to go to a baseball game, it's nice that you can cut and run if things start to go south, and not feel like you've wasted a ton of money.

One of the highlights of the Park at the Park is this miniature baseball field, where all kids can "play" baseball. You stand in line to take an at bat, and run the bases, and you can play in the outfield as long as you want. Generally there were about 30 kids in the outfield, so really amusingly chaotic!

Unfortunately I only had my little point and shoot so these pictures do take some imagination to get the full effect, but oh, my goodness, these boys had fun.

This is Ryan up to bat, he took two at bats and made SOLID contact with the ball both times, hitting the ball well in to the field of play.

I'm always shocked a little by their athleticism, and their fierce determination. (not really)

If you look to the right of this picture in the middle you can see Ryan running the bases. I think he might have been thrown out at first, but it did not matter to him, or any of the other kids out there, they just kept tagging him out, and he just kept running.

On a side note, none of the kids complained that hey you are out, so get off the field. That's pretty cool, and great sportsmanship on the part of all of the older kids out there that actually know the rules! YEA KIDS!

And here Ryan is crossing home plate, with his brother ready to greet him!

Evan also had two at bats, and he did make contact both times, one was a foul ball, but he ran it out anyways. And the second at bat he hit a serious line drive that was not caught by any of the 20 kids attempting to play defense.

If you have good eyes you can just see the ball leaving the bat in the picture below.

And then nothing, except his new "real Padres" hat falling off his head, could stop him from running around the bases. (look closely and you can see the hat on the ground and Evan turning back towards it)

I SWEAR, I have no idea where he learned this, oh shoot, wait I do remember. My bad. As the play was at home plate, Evan crashed into the catcher full speed, attempting to score. You can barely see him as the catcher was about three years older, and maybe a foot taller than Evan. But there, was my kid barreling through the catcher to home plate.

And there is the catcher on the ground, and my kid still standing.

Ryan really seemed to enjoy playing in the field, amongst all of the kids, older, bigger, the better. He'd run after any ball that got hit ANYWHERE on the field, he and at least 20 of the 3o kids out there. SO FREAKING CUTE, all of the kids out there!

He also told us about his friend Matt Brown (name changed to protect the innocent) He said "Matt Brown and I played baseball, he's my friend" I guess, he and Matt shared a moment out there on the field? I love that he was out there making friends. Sigh.

(maybe one of those kids is the mysterious Matt Brown?)

Evan, all he wanted to do was play first base, and first base he played, sort of, well, he stood there, and he looked really cute.

What a wonderful way to spend a Sunday afternoon. Can't wait to do it again.

Oh, and while we did not have to cut and run, the boys were in bed by 5:30 and slept basically through until morning.

First Day of School 2010

2010-09-08T14:34:00.000-07:00

It's so hard to believe that it has been a year since the first EVER first day of school. A year ago I was in a panic, afraid that my kids would be crying, and sad. They were fine, had a ton of fun and never looked back. They had a wonderful, successful year where they made lots of friends and learned so much.

We had a wonderful summer, but I think we were all ready to go back to school. After three weeks of Ryan's "inactivity" we were all going a bit stir crazy.

This morning I gave the boys their Schultuete which were filled with books, cars, and a little Lego car.

Ryan insisted on building it immediately (after breakfast). He has an amazing ability to put these things together. He worked on it alone for a few minutes and was doing a great job following the directions. This piece is for a 5-12 year old, so it was a bit difficult, however he mostly needed help making sure the pieces were all secure. Evan, after he finished eating also wanted to build his. His attention span is not as long, or as focused as Ryan's, but he managed to work long enough to get his car together. They were both pretty excited and proud of themselves.

We made it to school and attempted to get the obligatory "First Day of School Photo", however the boys were not exactly co-operative. I have five other pictures with one or more boy looking in one or more direction! This, was the very best of the lot, and well, there was a line growing behind us!

Ryan made pictures for his teachers this morning, and he was very excited to present Mrs. C with his art work. I love that he thought of this all on his own, and set to work with out prompting. Such a big boy.

Evan walked in and went straight to work. The boys are so happy and comfortable. This is the same class room they were in last year, and Mrs. C is one of their teachers from last year too. I can't wait to hear about all of their adventures this year.

100 plus

2010-08-31T15:40:00.000-07:00

A few days ago, I completed my 100th Bikram Yoga class.

When I took my first class in January, I never thought it would be something I would enjoy. I really dislike being hot, and I sweat easily, which can be uncomfortable. Throughout the last nine months I've learned a lot about my tolerance for discomfort, and a few other things.

One of my most difficult postures is savasana, or dead body pose. You lay flat on your back heels together toes fall apart, arms relaxed at your sides with palms up. Your eyes are open, and your mind is calm. You are supposed to stay perfectly still, in both mind and body. If you know me, there is no doubt why this pose is more difficult for me than, say, standing bow pulling pose.

Calming my mind, stilling my body...Ha! But balancing on one leg while the other leg is up over my head, I'm getting better at that! I have seen improvement in all of my practice, and depending on how many classes I make a week, it is considerable.

Working on my mind, is and I think will always be the most difficult part of my practice. It's hard to check everything at the door. The kids, the house, the to do list. And then there are the distractions in the room. The people who fidget, who talk, who do not follow proper etiquette before, during and after class, I fight my judgements. (which are also to be checked at the door!) I fight the disappointment when the teacher is not one of my "favorites". All these things are in my mind, and hindering my mind body connection. I know I cannot improve my practice without quieting my thoughts.

Bikram also stresses patience. (which is another area that I need lots of work in) While patience in class is great, patience in my life is even better. Bikram makes me a better parent. The more classes I take, the more patience I am able to bring to my everyday. The noise, oh the constant noise, around me doesn't seem to penetrate when I am actively practicing. It is almost like I have a little force field of calm, where from inside I can laugh at the din, instead of feeling it touch every raw nerve.

I love that not only am I working on my strength, and my flexibility, but I am also working on my character while practicing Bikram yoga. Bikram says it is a full body work out every time you take a class. For me it really is a full body workout, head to toes, bones to skin, inside out.

I just hope that sometime in the next 100 classes I find a way to calm my mind, if even for 20 seconds at a time.

and Exhale....

2010-08-24T19:40:00.000-07:00

All went well on Friday. Ryan was in and out of surgery in less than two hours. They found all that they expected, scar tissue consistent with grade IV reflux. They re-implanted the ureter and did not expect anything but total success.

My boy was such a trooper. Here he is in the waiting room.

I missed the best shot of the day because I couldn't get my camera out fast enough. When it was time, the nurse took him by his hand and walked him down the hallway. Ryan looked back, smiled, and was off. I will never forget that image, I just wish I had it to share.

Here he is being rolled from recovery to his room. He was so sweet, just after I took this he reached out to hold my hand. Not easy to walk along side a bed moving quickly down narrow hallways!

In his bed, being silly. He was such a brave boy. Only shed a few tears, once when he moved from the gurney to his bed, he said it was because he couldn't see me anymore, or my theory is he hurt himself a little bit during the move.

He was in a considerable amount of pain the first few times he tried to get up, and when he tried the first time to pee, but otherwise, he was content to have us read. So, from about 3PM on Friday until he was released at 11 AM we read, and read, and read.

By Sunday it was difficult to keep Ryan from popping out all of his stitches, and today, I feel like it's going to be a long, long three weeks.

I have heart burn

2010-08-19T20:12:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here on the eve of Ryan's surgery and I don't know what I feel.

As I kissed him goodnight this evening, I got a bit teary.

Overcome.

I am struggling for the words to explain the emotions.

I think when you go through an experience like a pre-term birth, followed by an extended NICU stay, filled with complication after complication, you always (even more than four years later) fight with a bit of post traumatic stress.

The feelings rear their ugly heads at the strangest times (and the most obvious ones). They fill you up from your heart out. It's like a slow burning. Like heart burn only deeper in your chest, its in your soul.

Intellectually, I know he will be fine, better than ever.

Emotionally, I'm a wreck. All over the map. Cleverly held together by two little boys who don't know what to do when their Momma cries.

My ~~heart~~ soul is burning and it is not showing signs of stopping. I suspect it will finally ease up around the time I have my baby back in my arms tomorrow.

Superstitious?

2010-08-10T12:17:00.000-07:00

I had a dream last night.

In it we were moving to the Bay Area, in a week.

Scott and I were sitting in a restaurant with some of our friends from up there.

One friend no longer lives there.

He passed away almost two years ago.

Two years ago on the twentieth.

The twentieth is the day Ryan's surgery is scheduled.

Should I worry?

More images from vacation

2010-08-03T15:15:00.000-07:00

We went marching, all in a row.

Evan: "I caught a MEDIUM sized blue gail" (that's a blue gill to the rest of us)

We caught some bass too.

In true fisherman style. Evan holds the fish by the mouth with his thumb.

Madison caught her first fish too.

We were infinitely patient posing for ten thousand pictures.

We splashed in the Tuolumne River, and played "Set Sail to Piglet's House"

We frolicked in Tuolumne Meadow.

We hiked up the Mist Trail to Vernal Falls, and were so tuckered out, we spent the ride home passed out cold.

We saw Half Dome from various angles.

We had lots of fun at Snow Creek Ranch, and in Yosemite!

Firsts from vacation

2010-07-27T14:56:00.000-07:00

We caught our first fish....

We saw our first waterfall...

We posed on our first fallen tree in Yosemite.

We played Pooh Sticks...

Everyone is a comedian

2010-07-20T16:33:00.000-07:00

The Scene:

At the car, after a morning at the beach.

Mother: Oh this towel is nice and toasty.

Ryan: No it's not...It's not a breakfast bread.

Mother: (Shakes head, and giggles uncontrollably, while hugging Ryan)

Just a few of the words that have come out of my kids mouths, TODAY.

2010-07-13T19:41:00.000-07:00

Evan: I'm Jack Johnson and I am going to the Hockey Hall of Fame. You, Ryan, are Drew Doughty, do you want to meet me there?

(If Evan could only know just how much every Kings fan love for Drew Doughty to meet Jack Johnson in the Hockey Hall of Fame someday!)

Me: Ryan, I am very disappointed in you, why did you not nap?
Ryan: Well, My puppies they keep waking me up.
Me: Well, I guess I will have to take them out of your room so you can sleep
Ryan: But, they are just stuffed animals (with an up turned hand in a position like duh, don't you know that!) Mom and they can't really do anything, see, they don't really have ears. It's all just stuffing. They are not real, not real ears and mouths.
Me: So are you trying to tell me that your stuffed animals are not responsible for your poor sleeping?
Ryan: No, just me.

Ryan's stories:
(Apparently these are the stories he is telling his buddies, instead of sleeping. He dictated, I typed. I made no edits, as you will see.)

There is a Monster Under the Nest

One day the monster went out to find a nest. He found one and he decided to bring it to the valley beyond the volcano. He loved it so much he decided it was his own, but it wasn't. It was a dinosaur's nest so he quickly hided under it and when the momma dinosaur came home it began to shake and shake some more so she decided to look under it to see if it was a monster and it was a monster. Then she started home and her nest followed her and the monster kept sleeping and sleeping in it's own nest. The monster went out to play hockey and the monster saw another monster and then they both ran off to play. That is the end of my book.

Gummies before breakfast

Gummies before breakfast went out to play, on a summer day. And they loved it so much they wanted to play for every day. Their dad said no come back you to get your sweaters because it is cold outside, they went back outside to play hockey like the monsters did. The monsters went out to play hide and seek, they came to find the great whole of grizzlies and all they could do was play and play.

The Sink got Fouled
(Fouled is when a sink gets out of water. I had to ask since I had no idea what he was talking about. I'm not sure Ryan knows either!)

The fouled sink stayed up for 20 years and it came down and then it came down and then it came up again. Then it came up again. Then it stayed down and then it came up again and again until it stopped and didn't come up again, Amen it didn't come up again.

The future's not ours to see

2010-07-10T20:00:00.000-07:00

I often contemplate the future of my boys. I wonder what they will become. I look at the things they are passionate about now, and I can't help wondering if that will carry on through their lives and dictate what careers they will choose, or even what they will be doing in ten years.

Ryan and his love of knowledge. Reading, investigating, studying. His natural athleticism. His GPS like ability to know where we are on where we are going. His desire to please, to be loved, to help. His creativity, telling stories, and making up songs, building. I wonder where these passions will lead him.

Evan, oh Evan. His love of singing, the National Anthem, Canadian, or American. His Rain Man like ability to remember the team names and cities of sports teams, most notably hockey teams. His love for Drew Doughty, Jack Johnson, and Patrick Kane. His constant dialog, or as I call it play-by-play. His never ending questions. His boundless energy. What will you become my little ham?

And how will the things I choose to expose them to effect their futures? What if I'm too late and I've forever stunted their one true passion? What if it takes them to their late twenties, or early thirties to find *their* kayaking? What if they never find the thing that fulfills them?

Yes, this is the stuff keeping me up at night. I should take up mediating and my mantra should really be..."Que Sera Sera"

Hmm.. I have nothing to say.

2010-07-03T21:18:00.000-07:00

So I logged on tonight to write something, and now, I just have nothing to say...I'm not sure why, but I have been sitting here for almost an hour trying to come up with anything. Something funny said, done, anything...

Maybe it is because for the last 3 weeks the boys have been in summer school, which has had them away from me for 5, 4 and 4 mornings, and well, that's a long time for us to be apart. What am I going to do when they start kindergarten? I'm lonely just thinking about it.

We did go to the fair, and the boys did miss their naps which was notable. But they handled it all in stride, they were tired, and a bit cranky, but it was not the disaster it could have been. The boys rode some rides, which goes against every nervous bone in my body...I love roller coasters, and thrill rides, but I do not like rides that are torn down and put up in one day. It makes me nervous. VERY nervous. I did asses the risk in each of the rides chosen and the kiddie rides seemed to pose little or no risk to the precious lives of my dumplings. The Ferris wheel, well, not so much, but Evan, sweet Evan was so excited, all he could talk about in the hour and a half it took us to get to the fair, meet up with Scott and find parking was how he wanted to go on the Ferris Wheel first. So, I swallowed my nerves, and the whole family climbed into a ~~death~~ bucket. Evan grinned from ear to ear, and it was totally worth it.

The fourth of July is tomorrow and the boys are very interested in trying to stay up late for fireworks. Last year they were so tired they kept asking to go home to go to bed. We shall see. I may have a lot to write about tomorrow night!

What is Rainbow Baseball?

2010-06-27T21:52:00.000-07:00

Evan: Look Mommy, it is such a beautiful day today!
Ryan: I wish there was a rainbow in our sky
Evan: Yes, and we could play rainbow baseball

Independence

2010-06-15T19:45:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been feeling a little like an outsider in my boys lives.

They are suddenly becoming boys, real boys.

Independent. Responsible. Capable.

Suddenly we are cleaning up our plates after meals. Offering to help wash our own dishes. Getting our own water. We are getting ourselves dressed (mostly). We are using the toilet by ourselves (mostly). We get into the car and get our arms into our car seat straps.

All of those things are nice, they sometimes save time, sometimes, take way more time than we can afford. However, it is wonderful that they are becoming responsible little men.

One of the things the boys are doing on their own these days is playing on their own. Without ME!

They have the best time together, that is when they are not wrestling, tackling, or generally bugging each other. I find that more and more I am sitting back and listening. Watching. Enjoying.

In the last few weeks we have been a tad bit obsessed with the Magic Tree House Books. They are really fun books that emphasize the love of adventure, knowledge, and of course books! The series features siblings, Jack and Annie, who find a magic tree house. The tree house takes them on adventures through time and space and the world. In each story they travel with the aid of a book from the magic tree house, by reading and researching in the book, the kids learn about where they have landed, and they maneuver through an adventure, and eventually find their way home.

The boys have taken on the persona's of the characters in these books and reenact the adventures of Jack (Evan) and Annie (Ryan). Occasionally I get to play one of the minor characters, but for the most part, Jack and Annie are off on adventures together, hiding from dinosaurs, or talking to mummies, or traveling in mini-subs to see the dolphins.

I really, deep down, love that they are transferring the stories we read into their play so easily, but I kind of wish Jack and Annie had an older sister that went along on the adventures!

I know it is developmentally appropriate for them to be playing in this manner, but I have to admit, I miss the days when I had to direct the play a little more. I miss being needed. I know I'm still needed, but it seems like my role now is more keeping them on task, rather than being central to it all. I know I should be thrilled that they are developing appropriately, but if they don't start needing me a little more I might have to do something else with my time like...shudder....clean!

*************************************************

And I leave you with some videos...

Ryan's latest composition, inspired by one of my favorite musicals, and one of his favorite books.

Evan taking after his father, meeting a king snake found in our driveway.

Evan singing Hallelujah. Sorry about the quality, I was driving at the time shooting over my shoulder. I think you can hear him, if you listen very carefully.

Last day, of the first year, of a lifetime of learning

2010-06-03T15:14:00.000-07:00

Ten months ago, I brought my babies to school. For the first time in their lives, they would not
be with me all day every day. I was terrified.

This is what the boys looked like today, their first year of school under their belts. Confident, happy, ready to tackle anything. (I inadvertently dressed Evan in the same shirt)

Thank you to the wonderful teachers that made this year so special...

Mrs. Finch

Mrs. Sessions

and Mrs. Camerino

We had such a wonderful experience with our teachers, and our wonderful, wonderful classmates. I honestly do not think we could have had a nicer group of kids and moms. I am going to miss the kids we wont be seeing next year. I am so happy with our preschool choice, what a wonderful year.

Just another Meatless Monday

2010-05-31T17:05:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago we watched the movie Food, Inc. and the impact it had on me was profound. If you have not seen this movie you should. It really might change the way you look at your food forever. (We also watched Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution and that is a whole other post!!!!)

I am not someone who is naive to what goes on at chicken and beef farms, or slaughter houses for that matter. I have always enjoyed my proteins and I try to push the yucky stuff out of my mind because of it.

Some of the things mentioned in Food, Inc. made me angry. Cows are fed corn, because corn is cheap, and the government subsidizes it. But corn is bad for cows, and therefore it is bad for us. Because the cows are fed corn, they have a much higher level of bacteria (e coli) in their systems, therefore there is a much higher level of bacteria in our meats. If a cow is fed grass for 7 days prior to slaughter, the level of bacteria decreases by eighty percent. But because of the demand to produce, produce, produce as cheaply as possible, this simple, natural easy step is avoided, and antibiotics and "washes" are used instead. And don't even get me started on how this is all McDonald's fault.

And then there is the soybean...

While I am not totally against genetically engineering a better and stronger seed, I am One Hundred Percent against any soybean that comes from Monsanto seed. Trust me, buy organic soy products with no GMO's. Talk about getting me angry!

Since having the kids, I've wanted to provide them with better. I want them to develop good eating habits now, so they don't have to make any wholesale changes when they get older.

To the best of my ability I've tried to use primarily organics. Milk, number one on my list has always been organic. Chicken, organic. Fruits and Veggies, organic when available. Now, I'm not 100% and I'll admit that they have eaten a few too many goldfish, or other crackers, or hot dogs, (the hot dogs are grass fed, nitrate free, which does make me feel better) but I'm all about balance. I limit sugar, and no high fructose corn syrup, I try to use products with little or no preservatives, I read labels. Still there are limits.

Since watching Food, Inc. we've instituted Meatless Mondays, and we've joined a CSA (thanks Lindsay). I'm really finding Meatless Mondays fun, and challenging. I've had to expand my repertoire, (thanks Meredith, love the cookbook) and I've been able to make a small change in all of our diets. AND, it is making an impression. Today during dinner, Ryan told me "I love meatless Monday" (yea! for my little carnivore that is saying a lot). We even had a meatless dinner on a SATURDAY in ADDITION to the regularly scheduled Monday!

Thanks to the CSA, I've had to really flex my creativity to use all of the ingredients in my weekly box. (I had no idea Swiss Chard was so yummy just sauteed with garlic and olive oil!) So far I've been able to find recipes that include the items in the box and I'm sure that as the weeks go on it will become easier and easier. Sorrel, anyone have something I can do with a ton of Sorrel? It's very bitter but yummy, I may add a little to my lunch salads each day, but I seriously have a ton of Sorrel. It's kind of fun to plan my meals around what came in my box, or to know that I have all the ingredients for a yummy salad.

In addition, I hope that helping me collect our box each week, and looking at and tasting all of the new things we get from "our farm" the boys will be more inclined to try some of these new things.

While these are just small steps to a healthier lifestyle, they are steps.
(if I could just get Scott to eat seafood, so many more steps could be taken!!!)

Just a small task

2010-05-21T20:21:00.000-07:00

We had our 4 year check ups this week. I cannot believe they are four. Honestly, where does the time go?

In this appointment, our pediatrician went over the typical checklist.

How are the breathing? Fine
How are the eating? Fine
How are the hearing? Fine
How are the kidney's? Soon to be fine
How are the eyes? Fine
How are they doing in school? Fine
How are they sleeping? Fine

And then it hit him...he looked up at me and smiled.

Wow, he said. You realize, I'm writing in their charts that for the most part all of the issues we can attribute to their prematurity are resolved. The only lasting issue will be their eyesight...hmmm, he mused. That's great, just great, he smiled.

and then he had to go and add,

So, you realize that now, the only thing you have to worry about is keeping them safe.

I'm still laughing.

Enough is enough

2010-05-13T15:44:00.000-07:00

When I think of all of the things my boys have endured, I just want to scream, "Enough is Enough!"

Sometimes I look at and touch their scarred little bodies, and I fight back the tears. I run my finger across the two inch scar on Ryan's back and recall the moment we had to make the decision to let the doctors go in and operate on my days old baby. I remember sitting next to his isolette in the surgical suite, looking out into the NICU at my other child, waiting for the surgeon. I remember arriving at the hospital extra early just to make sure I was with him before the surgery. I remember sitting in the NICU with Evan, watching the surgical suite, incapable of really being with either of my boys.

Sometimes I tickle the half an inch scar on Evan's chest. I remember the phone call, just days after their birth. I remember falling to my knees, covering my face as Scott spoke to the nurse who called to tell us about Evan's pneumothorax, about the chest tube, about the possible IVH. I remember saying "Let's go!" I remember that drive being the longest ever. I remember holding my breath for twenty minutes. I remember reading everything I could find about Intraventricular Hemorrhages, and what that might mean for Evan.

Sometimes I play with the boys feet, and rub the tiny centimeter long scars that mar all four heels. I remember becoming far too adept at using the little device that made those cuts, squeezing tiny droplets of blood for testing, every three hours. I remember reading the results of those tests. Every three hours. Looking for signs things were improving.

Sometimes when I hold my boys hands I look at the little white dots that line their veins. I remember watching and holding those same hands as a nurse tried and tried to start IV's week after week. I remember the little light shining through their fragile hands and skin illuminating the very tiny target.

Sometimes when I look into Evan's eyes, through his little glasses and I remember. I remember the two laser eye surgeries. I remember our nurse coming in early just to be there in the room with him, knowing we could not. I remember worrying about putting my baby back on the respirator, wondering if he would come off it again. Wondering just how much he would struggle to breathe. I remember sitting bedside as he was extubated, holding my breath until he began to breathe with out the assistance of the respirator...twice.

But all of these things are behind us now, and thankfully I am the only one who has memories of all of it.

We are now making new memories...

Memories of going to the doctor and having them take pictures of our insides.

Yes that is Evan and Ryan reenacting their VCUG's. Really cute, but part of me is really sad that they can recreate such procedures.

Okay, round about way of getting to the point, I know, but it is my blog and I had to get some of that off my chest.

Evan's reflux is gone. YAY. It may come back, we just have to be on the look out for UTI's and if he has any repeat the VCUG. That also means Evan is TOTALLY off all medications, with the exception of Albuterol which is just PRN. Double, Triple YAY!!!

Ryan, as I suspected from my lay persons analysis of the scans, has shown no improvement. We have two course of actions we can take at this point. Continue with the wait and see and the medications, with a one percent chance this will resolve on its own. Or do one of two surgeries. One they inject synthetic cartilage into the valve and hope it helps strengthen the valve. It is minimally invasive as they go up through the urethra. HOWEVER, yeah there is always a but, it is only about 50 percent effective. The other surgery will have them make a 4cm cut into the belly of my baby and fix the valve at the bladder. He will have to stay overnight in the hospital, at least one night (gah). This is 95 percent effective. If it fails, they will go back in after a year and do it again. Our doctor, has never seen the second attempt fail. In his hands he has never seen a first attempt fail. (a little arrogant, yes, but a part of me kind of likes that in the guy who is planning on cutting open my baby, he knows what he is doing, and he isn't afraid to tell me so, overconfidence no thank you, but this, not so bad.)

I agreed to let him put the authorization in for the surgery and it could take a couple of weeks for approval and he is booking out 2 months right now, so, we still have some time to reconsider, a ~~thousand~~ time or two. Time to think about a new scar on my baby, one he will likely remember, there is no doubt I will.

Mother's Love

2010-05-10T19:31:00.000-07:00

I love these little boys. Sometimes in the day to day I'm exhausted, and overwhelmed with all that needs to get done, and I forget just *how much* I love them.

Then I see a smile like this...

or this...(I know you can't see it, but I did)

Or I have two little boys pretending to be polar bear cubs sleeping in their den waiting for their "Mama Polar Bear"...

and then Daddy Polar Bear growls...

Or I watch as one boy helps the other get his foot untangled...

so they can continue on their adventure....

and I am quickly reminded just how much love I have in my life, because I am "Mama Polar Bear" or "Mama Pteranodon" or "Mama Puppy" or "Mama Kitty" or "Mama whatever I am today."

And then there are moments when I am scrambling for a pen to scribble as many of the words coming out of my kids' mouths so I don't forget to blog about it.

The other day, Ryan was "writing songs". Five of them he told me. I ~~was too lazy~~ was afraid by the time I got my cameras out of the car it would be all over so you will just have to use your imaginations.

Using the tune to this favorite song...

Ryan created these little songs. He told me there were five, however either I missed one, or well, he's four. I call them the "Bunny sessions". Both he and Evan were playing their guitars during the sessions, (they collaborate so well) however Ryan was responsible for all of the lyrics. (noted here for copyright purposes.)

Once upon a time there was a little bunny,
He lost his car-r-r-r-ot, on the way.
Because it was so-o-o tiny, tiny, ti-ny.

One little carrot went out one day,'
but his daddy told him he could go out and play.
He was so hap-ap-ap-py,
Because there were pine nut every where.

Once upon a time there was a little bunny,
he got a bee-ee-ee sting, he was so sa-a-a-a-a-d.
His Mommy looked at it and it didn't feel so bad.
He tried to get the bee off but he wouldn't go any-where

Once upon a time there was a baby bunny,
He tried to get the bee off of him
He was so sad because when he went to bed,
he heard the crackling sound of the bee by his head.

With moments like these, how could I possibly forget how much I love them?

There are worse things

2010-05-06T18:32:00.000-07:00

Before I get into the heavy stuff, there are a couple of things that are so cute I have to share:

This morning while we were having our morning cuddle, Ryan starts smothering Evan with kisses. Evan began to protest and Ryan replies: "But I love you so much I just can't stop kissing you!"

While playing superheros Evan says: "Ryan is my brother, he is the awesome-ist super hero EVER!"

Now, this one, I don't know where it came from, I do know he has used this word properly before, so he learned it somewhere, but not from me. I was in the other room and I couldn't see what exactly prompted Evan to make this statement: "My pubis is sticking out of my footsie."
I still haven't stopped laughing.

________________________________________

So I sit here on the evening of our fourth annual VCUG, and I have to admit I am worried.

I'm not fretting about the procedure, although not fun, I've been through it so many times, sadly, I'm comfortable with it. Last year we were able to take the edge off by using Nitrous. (for the boys not me) We plan to do so this year, however, Ryan has a cough, so it may be a no-go on the sedation. Which means 15 or so minutes of screaming and crying while holding my 39 pound child pinned to the table as people attempt to catheterize him. Super fun stuff for 9 in the morning.

Really what I am worried about is that Ryan's kidney reflux has not resolved on its own, and sometime in the next few months we will be forced to schedule surgery for him. With all that my boys have been through, I know they will never remember it. The surgeries, the tests, the hospitalization, it will all be family lore to them. Stories that Mom and Dad told us. But a major surgery now? It may not be a memory that lasts a lifetime, but at four, they are remembering everything. Just how much of this possible terrifying thing will he remember?

If his reflux hasn't resolved, I will wonder if I should have done the surgery last year, he would have been younger, and the likelihood of him remembering would have been a little less. But last year, I knew I had one more year to stall. To hope he would not have to endure. (Success rate in children under five is something like eighty percent, over five it goes down exponentially) Last year I knew he only had one UTI, only one in two and a half years. I knew I wasn't doing any damage to his kidneys if I waited. As long as he stayed infection free...which he did.

I won't know the the results until next week, but I will be taking Ryan in, and letting Scott take in Evan, because after all this time, I'm getting pretty good at reading the images during the procedure, which in itself is most definitely NOT a good thing.

I feel silly worrying so much. All of the what ifs will be resolved in a little less than a week. We will move on from there. We will make decisions. We will do whatever it takes. Still this is my baby.

I know there are worse things. I know people who REALLY have worries. When I think of it rationally, and I take MY child out of the equation, this is nothing. In fact, when I think of those other people, I get a lump in my throat, there are far worse things.

Maybe his pallet is too sophisticated for Mac and Cheese

2010-04-23T20:44:00.000-07:00

The last few weeks have been trying. Evan has been difficult to put it mildly.

It's a constant struggle balancing my ~~need~~ ~~desire~~ obsession with calories. The nutritionist we saw for years told me upon release from GI clinic, that to continue to grow Evan needs to eat 1600 calories a day. That's a lot of calories.

Intellectually I know that kids this age wax and wane when it comes to eating, and that is normal. Since eating with Evan has never been normal it is hard to let go of my need to get calories in to his little body.

I use little tricks to get extra calories into him everyday, extra butter, olive oil, at 360 calories a bottle, Boost Plus is my best friend. It is really a tight rope act, fitting in snacks would add to the calorie count for the day, but with Evan's limited awareness of hunger, any snacking ultimately causes him to eat much less at meals. I'd love to get more fruits and vegetables into his diet, but they are so healthy, low calorie and filling. I'd rather he eat more high calorie items. Like chocolate cake with chocolate butter cream icing.

I understand that kids at this age will eat the majority of what they are hungry for in the first fifteen minutes of a meal, BUT, Evan eats SO SLOWLY that fifteen minutes adds up to about fifteen calories. So I make him sit there, until he eats what I think is enough, as I do mental calculations of the total calories for the day.

I do have to force myself to remember that a year ago he was still eating baby food, and I was pretty certain that he'd be heading to college with pallets of mashed sweet potatoes. I really should not complain. I really cannot complain. But after two hours of him sitting with one tiny little piece of french toast in front of him, or two tiny little pancakes, or four ounces of spaghetti, I'm pulling my hair out, he's frustrated, I'm frustrated, no one is happy.

Then he has breakthrough moment like tonight. FIVE lobster raviolis, Alfredo sauce, less than 30 minutes. (that's a ton of calories!!!) I do my happy dance and wonder. Lobster Ravioli? What other odd things should I be trying?

Get me a cut and a Harley this song and I am all set

2010-04-14T20:25:00.000-07:00

Scott is to blame for this, and he will be only too happy to take all of the credit. I have a new passion. I'm addicted to a biker gang. Okay, it's fictional and it is a TV show. Sons of Anarchy. It's awesome! We just finished the first season on DVD, and the second season is not out yet, and it's killing me. I have to know what happens!

At the end of season one, this artist, covered the Dylan song Forever Young, and now I cannot stop listening to it. I know the Dylan song, I've heard it a thousand times, but it has never hit me like this. I want to listen to it on repeat, all day. I want to sing it to my babies, and have it be their anthem. Listen to it on Audra Mae's My Space page and tell me you don't love it. Read these lyrics and tell me you don't wish this for your kids, your loved ones. Maybe it is Audra Mae's voice, maybe it is the timeless nature of the Dylan lyrics. What ever it is, I love it!!!!

Bob Dylan - Forever Young

May God bless and keep you always
May your wishes all come true
May you always do for others
And let others do for you
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung
May you stay forever young
May you stay forever young.

May you grow up to be righteous
May you grow up to be true
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you
May you always be courageous
Stand upright and be strong
May you stay forever young
May you stay forever young.

May your hands always be busy
May your feet always be swift
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift
May your heart always be joyful
May your song always be sung
May you stay forever young
May you stay forever young.

Scott says if I don't stop playing this song he's going to start to get sick of it. I'm afraid he may hate the song before the week is through.

I like butterflies, picking strawberries, long walks at the beach and red pepper marinara shooters

2010-04-12T15:08:00.000-07:00

We've been extraordinarily busy, after the post birthday party let down, we spent our birthday at the Wild Animal Park with our classmates from preschool.

It was a bit chaotic, something like 15 kids, 10 classmates and their siblings, but all of the kids were really well behaved, and everyone seemed to have a really fun time.

We specifically went to see the butterflies, and got a special treat, any kid who wanted to was able to hold a butterfly on their hands.

The boys really enjoyed our second trip to the Butterfly Exhibit this season. We may even try to get one last trip in before the exhibit closes.

This weekend was our March for Babies walk. We had a great team walking with us, including the boys' friend Tobin. The three boys "rode" (we did a lot of pushing and steering) their tricycles almost the entire three miles. We did have to make pit stops in order to add gas to our tricycles, put air in our tires, and check our oil. The three of them made it quite fun.

Since we were in Encinitas, and Solana Beach is so close, and in Solana Beach is Pizza Port, of course we had to stop in for lunch. We had the time, only because our little buddy Colin got sick and therefore his first birthday party was canceled. So sorry for Colin, but my boys made the best of it.

Ryan has a love of spicy foods, and he showed us all just how much, he poured, I mean poured red peppers on his tiny little bite of pizza and devoured it. Scott is trying to limit his shaking of the red peppers here, but no dice.

He also poured red peppers into the marinara sauce we used for dipping our beer buddies and did shooters. He also licked the plate clean but, this is not a post about table manners.

After Pizza Port we raced to our friend Zachary's birthday party. (yes, we were going to try to do a three mile walk, and two birthday parties in one morning!)

We only stayed an hour, and then raced home for naps. We ALL needed naps!

On Sunday we had yet another birthday party to go to. It was really fun, the boys ran around like crazy monkeys, hanging from bars and jumping on things.

But what I really love is this spontaneous show of affection Evan showed Ryan. It always makes my heart so happy when they just hug because.

I did not look in the goody bags before I let the kids dig into them in the car and this is what I found...Two very happy boys eating some chocolate.

The quote of the day from Evan: "I love chocolate. It is the best ever!" (yes, that *is* my child)

Ryan at Four

2010-04-07T19:42:00.000-07:00

Oh Ryan, my love, my first born.

This year has seen so many changes in you. The constant, the one thing that doesn't change, is your heart. It is so full of love, compassion and kindness. It brings me to tears thinking about your ability to love and to show love. You are always concerned when some one else is crying. You try to comfort your brother when he is sad. You are thoughtful and considerate. You are well mannered. You are my Ryan.

Your language is rich and full. You love to tell me about your days at school. Your teachers tell me that you make sure that everyone is where they need to be. Not in a bossy way, but in a helpful manner. They love you at school, your teachers are a perfect fit for you. Kind, loving and firm when needed. I am so happy that they report you have a LOVE of learning and that you are a joy to have in the classroom. I'm so glad that school is turning out to be a good experience for you.

You loved stuffed toys, your buddies. Snoopy is your main love, but you have several others that you cuddle. I think you pick someone new every night to cuddle with, but Snoopy is a constant. You really love Dinosaurs and can tell me and anyone who will listen the difference between a Pterodactyl and a Quetzalcoatlus. You love to read more than anything else. If I let you, you would sit and read all day long. I love cuddling with you and reading but sometimes I cannot read another word! Your favorite author right this minute is Bill Peet and we have almost all of his books. I'm not sure which is your favorite, but you seem to bring me Smokey and Cyrus the most. You love blocks, trains, cars and trucks.

You have so many books memorized it is truly amazing. You have an astonishing memory for details. You are so observant I have to be very careful.

You love to make me and others laugh. You have an amazing sense of humor and timing. You think it is funny to make up funny songs and sing them while playing your guitar. You also love to make up stories.

You love to eat. You are not adventurous, but you love a good meal. Odd for a kid your age, you love steak. You are not big on sweets, unless it's M&M's. You've branched out into salads with homemade croutons. You love hot and spicy. You put crushed red peppers on you pizza and eat salsa by the spoonful. You also love to cook. You always want to help in the kitchen and you always ask me how your meals are prepared. It would not shock me to see you on Top Chef someday.

You say the sweetest things. "I love you Mommy because you make my heart happy." "I miss my Evan, I wish he were awake." "It makes me sad to go to the doctor with out Evan, I need him so I don't feel sad." You call me "mommy" or "mother" or "mom" interchangeably, it makes me laugh when you call me "mother".

You are emotional, yet very reserved in front of others, even shy. With us you are starting to show a little defiance/independence. However you like to please so your behavior is easy to direct in the proper direction. Your eyes are soulful. I look into them and see so much more than a four year old boy. And then you start talking about poop and I know you are a four year old boy. You love to make us "pwoud".

You are all boy, and love nothing more than to be outside all day digging, riding or running. You have amazing coordination for a kid so young. You've shown mad skilz in ice skating, bike riding, and soccer this year.

I cannot believe you have been in my life for four years, I cannot believe it has only been four years. I only have brief memories of what life was like before you. I cannot imagine what it would be like if you were not here. You brighten up each and every day. You fill my heart with so much love it is bursting. I love you boysenberry. I love you Ry Ry, Ryley, Ryser, Ryan bo-byan, muffin love, love bug, puppy, my ~~baby~~ boy.

Happy Birthday, my sweet.

Evan at Four

2010-04-07T19:40:00.000-07:00

Evan. My love. My sweet.

You are my performer. My ham. You love to sing. LOVE to sing. You know more songs than a kid your age should. You sing spontaneously. It is hysterical. I love it when you burst into the Star Spangled Banner, or Oh, Canada, just because you are feeling it. When you sing Hallelujah I alternate between laughter and tears, it is just so wonderful. Your current favorite song is Defying Gravity from the musical Wicked. You make these facial expressions that kill me. You know how to work it by flashing a grin, or looking coyly out the tops of your eyes. It would not shock me to see you on American Idol, or Broadway someday.

You love sports. Hockey, is your favorite (yes!). You love to pretend you are a hockey player, basketball player, baseball player, golfer, tennis player, football guy (kicker or long snapper are your favorite positions) You crack me up because when you play hockey you are always Jack Johnson, and you tell your brother he is Drew Doughty. It is really amazing the way you picked up on those two players. I guess you are going to take after your Daddy and play defense. You are also very interested in playing Kayak Polo. You and your brother turn over your little table and pretend it is a kayak. Just a little longer and we will have you in a boat!

Most significantly this year you have started to eat. Yes, I said eat. You still eat PAINFULLY SLOW, but you are eating almost everything. You are my adventurous one. You will try anything. Which is interesting since you had such difficulty with food. I hope you don't grow up with food issues, but I really need you to start eating more! I hope by this time next year I'll be done saying "Eat Evan" every ten seconds at every meal.

You are in constant motion. Physically and verbally. You run around, literally run, and your mouth is giving running commentary. Your vocabulary is astonishing. You use words like "askew", "amazing", "spectacular" "concerned", "appropriate" and "disappointed" in proper context. It cracks me up when you bust out a "big counter". You use phrases that are equally funny coming out of the mouth of a four year old. (I can't remember them just now, but I will add some when I remember/hear them.)

You are also the boy to most likely bust out the "I love you" for no reason other than you felt it at the moment. You also say things like "I want to hug you" or "I want to kiss you" It makes my heart melt that you feel so much love. You love to give me your impish grin face, especially when you are up going potty in the middle of the night. That face is usually followed by an "I love you." You certainly know how to play us, because even if it is the third time in an hour that you have to pee, it's hard to be angry with That Face.

You are so passionate. You LOVE everything. When you like something, it is LOVE. Currently your list includes, black speakers, microphones, lady bugs, the Statue of Liberty, American flags, the Stanley Cup, and of course...Cacti.

You are really a polite kid. You say please, thank you and I'm sorry about that almost all of the time. You are concerned for your brother, and always want to make sure he has what he needs, as long as it is not what you want.

You are also a very sensitive boy. You want to please, and you want others to be happy. You constantly ask me "Are you happy?" or "Are you happy with me?" You have also inherited your Mom and Dad's competitive nature. "Did I win?" is a common question around here. You get upset when someone raises their voice to you, but you do your best not to cry. It is quite adorable. Your lower lip gets shaky and the tears well up in your eyes, and all hearts around you melt.

Your laugh is infectious. You laugh with your whole body. I love to hear the sound of your laughter. It is the sound of true joy. I hope you always find something to laugh that deeply about, every day of your life.

Your teachers love you too. They think that you might be running the school before long. Politician, performer, class president, all things that you may become. You show a kindness for your classmates and want to know what is going on with them. You show a GREAT enthusiasm for everything. You go big or go home. Your verbal abilities have sometimes made it tough especially in the early days, most of the kids didn't know how to keep up with you and your language. I know how they feel!

You are so bright and engaged. You learn things at lightning speed. You are definitely pre-reading, you know your letters (upper case and most lower case) you can identify numbers up to ten, and you are working very hard on the sounds those letter make. You also have a few sight words...making me most proud is that Hockey is one of them! You have memorized so many books, it makes me smile from the top of my head to the bottom of my toes to hear you "read" all by your self.

Your memory is sometimes frightening. The details you can remember from a year ago, or even longer shock me. Sometimes I don't know what you are talking about and it takes me quite a few minutes to figure it out.

You and your brother play so well together, you have such a closeness. You also fight like cats and dogs. You have your own way with each other, a twin thing? or a brother thing? Either way it is rooted in love.

Evan, Boysenberry, E-Diddy, E-dog, Evie, Evan Evan bo bevin, punkin pie, punkin muffin, love bug. I love you so much it makes my heart hurt. My life was so empty before you filled every single space with your joy, with your PASSION. What would I ever do with out you? I did not know joy, or love, or passion, until I met you.

Happy Birthday my sweet.

Fourth Birthday parties down, how many more to go?

2010-04-07T11:36:00.000-07:00

Back six months ago or so, the boys and I were having a discussion and the topic of their birthday cakes from last year came up. It always shocks me just how much they remember from year to year. They both remembered that Ryan had a truck cake and Evan a guitar cake, a red guitar. I decided to see what they would say if I asked them what they wanted for cakes this year. Evan immediately said, "A CACTI!" Ryan was more thoughtful and pondered the question for a while and then he determined that a puppy cake would be best for him.

Here is where I should have remembered that I am NOT a professional cake decorator, and I have never worked with fondant before, I was not great at three dimensional projects in art class, and I am NOT Duff Goldman.

After hours of baking, kneading, coloring, rolling, cursing, pulling hair, and hand wringing.
This is what we ended up with.

My first attempt at the cactus ended in all of the rice krispy treats falling off. I determined that the copper fittings Scott used were too slippery and there was nothing for the treats to hold on to. So appropriately for this household we wrapped the entire cactus in hockey tape. That did it.

With Snoopy's Dog house I had structural issues. The top part of the cake was too heavy for the base, even though I had reinforced it with dowels, and it all started to collapse, about three hours before the party. In this picture you can see the retrofit Scott engineered. Basically the bottom cake is toast, Scott built a platform, and attached four PVC pipes to it the top cake sat on top and I had to make more frosting to cover up the wood pieces.

With cake disasters narrowly averted. We were on to the PAR-TEE!

We had dozens of kids, their parents, friends, and family, somewhere around 60 in total. It was a bit chaotic, but what in our lives isn't?

The Helen Woodward Animal Center came out and brought animals for the kids to learn about, and even touch. They also provided a craft and we would have had games too but at this age the kids were more interested in some OTHER things in the backyard.

And while learning about a Bunny, a boa constrictor, a dove and a guinea pig are awesome. Climbing on rocks

The most important thing is the boys had a wonderful party and enjoyed their day so much. They went to bed tired and happy boys, Mom and Dad were just tired.

Potty Mouths

2010-03-30T19:47:00.000-07:00

I honestly do no know where they get it. Lately I have been mortified at the words coming out of my precious babies mouths. Constantly. At breakfast. At lunch. At dinner. At play. It's starting to worry me, bug me, embarrass me.

Here they are sweetly, innocently building pirate ships. So adorable...and moments later I hear...

"This is my Pee Pee, Poo Poo, pirate ship"

We are in the kitchen making one of the cakes I'm going to need for this weekend, and I'm telling them "put this one cup of flour in" and in response I get. "One cup of Poop" followed by fits of boy giggles.

We sing (to the tune of No More Monkeys Jumping on the Bed):
No more poopers pooping on the bed
No more poopers pooping on the bed
that is what the pooper said.

at meals...

Talk of poop and pee has now been banned from the table.

Intellectually I understand that is a good thing. They are working on potty training and it is only natural to explore through language the things they are trying to master. We are making progress (except for today) and they are mastering using the toilet at school. Evan is so proud of himself that he can go all by himself. Ryan still prefers to have help. However Ryan is pooping on the potty 99% of the time. Evan prefers pooping in his underwear. But pee, really, except for today, they are telling me 99% of the time. Although I never thought we'd get there, we are making progress. Can I get a Hallelujah!

But seriously, I am over conversations like this:

Evan: "Ryan, are you a pooper?"
Ryan: "No, I'm a pee pee puppy."
Evan: "Poopy, poop, poop, poop"
Ryan: "Pee, pee, puppy, pee, pee, pee"
Evan: giggles
Ryan: giggles
Me: Rolls eyes, shakes head, secretly smiles.

Words of love and wisdom, by Evan

2010-03-23T15:03:00.000-07:00

I read to the kids at school today, and it was such a joy. The boys were so excited to have me in their classroom! The kids play outside before they have their story time. Because Ryan and Evan were so excited for me to be there, they asked to come inside early (can you believe that? thank goodness I was on time), they set up the chairs for us to sit in and were anxiously awaiting my arrival. When all of their classmates came in from playing outside, both boys started shouting "My Mommy is here, My Mom is here! She is going to read!" I'm not sure anything can make you feel more loved than that kind of excitement.

"A friendly cacti said, I love my boy." Evan said hugging his stuffed cactus. "Thank you so much for getting me Cacti from Arizona."

"You can't knock mine down, it is more appropriate for Ryan to knock mine down if I knocked his down." Evan discussing "turn about is fair play" with me, as it applies to blocks.

We had some fun with leftover Livestrong chalk this weekend. I had some fun doing some extra laundry.

Evan asked me the other day, "Mommy, why do you love me?" Oh, Evan, why do I love you? Let me count the ways! (I listed off a bunch of things that nearly had my Mom in tears.) "I love you because you are kind, and sweet, because you are thoughtful, because you make my heart full, because you make me smile, and you make me happy, and because you love so passionately..."

And he does, everything is "Do you know what I love?" "I love...(whatever he is doing, holding, or thinking about at the moment"

For the record, Evan is no longer "assessed" as he now tells me. "I'm not assessed with Black Speakers any more Mom, because I like guitars too." "I'm not assessed with Red any more, because I love pur-pul" "I'm not assessed with..." Oh you get the picture...according to him, he's no longer obsessed.

Me, however? still very "assessed" with my boys.

What we've been up to lately

2010-03-15T15:32:00.000-07:00

Going. Constantly.

We've been going to this great park almost every week. The boys love this open field and I mean love it. They run, kick, and throw balls of every type for hours. They tackle, wrestle, and dribble...oh and laugh as they tumble to the ground in a heap.

They also take naps.

We have been celebrating Theodore Geisel's birthday all month at school. They made these "Cat in the Hat" Hats and loved wearing them around the house. We've been working on rhyming a lot because well, it's Dr. Seuss. This morning Ryan came up with this:

One little puppy sitting in the bed
He turned to mama pup and said
"Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof"
what was in his head?

I wonder if that is how Dr. Seuss got started?

The other week we went to the lake with our friend Tobin and Mr. Philip. We decided that we should let the boys ride their bikes around the lake. Philip and I ~~overestimated~~ ~~had no clue~~ pushed our kids too far. For the record. 5 miles is too far. Anything over 3 miles not so much fun for anyone involved.

But it was seriously cute. Three little ones speeding down the path, stopping to look at cacti. What could be better?

On Monday we met my Mom in San Juan Capistrano for a little birthday lunch for me. We did this last year and it was so amazing to me how much the boys remembered about our trip. They told me all about how they were afraid on the train, but then cried because they didn't want to get off. They told me all about feeding the bunnies and guinea pigs, and they told me all about the red jeep they got to ride on.

We got there early, and the boys got some good quality time feeding lettuce, carrots, and broccoli to the animals. We rode the train, with no tears. And, as a total shock to me the boys both wanted to ride the horses. Just recently they had the opportunity to ride little tiny ponies at a friend's house and they both objected, LOUDLY. I was dumbfounded to see them both happy as little jockeys.

Yes, the whole place heard Evan's squeals of delight as he passed in front of this huge cactus.

Ryan's take: "look Evan a Cacti!"

Yesterday, Evan woke up from his nap to go pee pee. Which by the way is the only time they will tell me they have to go to the bathroom, when they are supposed to be sleeping. But a potty training update is well over due and this post is already kind of long. I was watching hockey and heard the call from Evan's room, I paused the game to take him to the potty. He took one look at the TV and said to me in his most stern voice, "What on Earth are you doing?" "No Watching TV!" "NO!" His little finger pointed at my nose. He followed up with, "will you pause it so I can see someone shoot a goal?" I was laughing so hard I'm not sure where the pee went.

Today, and I do not have pictures of this event...Evan lost his glasses.
He and Ryan were running down this big hill at the park and he fell, and off his glasses came. I guess. He got up and got to the bottom and turned around to me and said, "and I ran even when my glasses were off" What? Shoot, where did he fall, where was he exactly on this hill. They are glasses I should be able to find them pretty easily. Right? WRONG?

I LOVE the Amazing Race, and I have to admit I make fun of them when they are doing the "needle in a haystack" challenges and they get all frustrated because they can't find the needle. I always think or say. Calm down, take on the challenge methodically and it is no problem!

About a half an hour into looking for Evan's $250 glasses, I got a little panicky. GRANTED, it was time to go home and have lunch to keep the kids on schedule. But I have to admit, I got a bit frustrated. And heck it's only $250 bucks, not a million. So, I apologize to all I have ridiculed on the Amazing Race. It is hard to find something when you REALLY want to find it, and it is difficult. BUT, I also had two kids to watch WHILE I was searching every inch of that damn hillside for one pair of glasses.

I walked up and down the hill maybe 20 times. I crawled on my hands and knees. Moved almost every single blade of grass. Searched. Methodically walked over every inch. They were no where. And now, it was almost noon. I had resigned myself to calling off the search for now, we'd have to come back after naps, post signs and look some more. I walked almost to the top of the hill where the boys were playing so nicely, to collect them, and lo and behold, right there, almost at the summit, THE GLASSES!

Yeah, I was so sure that he'd lost them when he fell, I'd been concentrating on the bottom section of the hill, um, where he fell! Especially since he told me they fell off when he fell down. I guess they fell off his face before that.

lesson one: Don't take a almost 4 year old's word for anything.
lesson two: Give up sooner and walk up the hill farther to go home.
lesson three: I am VERY allergic to grass, who knew?
lesson four: Don't make fun of racers on the Amazing Race, or now I am better prepared for that road block!

To homeschool or not.

2010-03-05T08:06:00.000-08:00

I went to a meeting last night and it scared me.

I have been ~~obsessively stressing~~ thinking a lot about when the boys start Kindergarten. what should we do? Private school is cost prohibitive, and the options near us are not exactly what I see as a good fit for us. Public school is in a state of disrepair. In addition to my opposition to the direction in which a public school education teaches, in preparation for the many, many standardized tests, there is the budget crisis in the State of California.

Last night I was told that next year it is a very strong possibility that the class sizes in our district will go from 24 children (which is already a lot of kids) to as many as 36. WITH. ONE. TEACHER. The principal who was giving this presentation said, "oh, don't worry, years ago we always had 32 or more kids in a class". I was outraged.

(Here is where I'm going to rant a little)
Years ago, we were not expecting our Kindergartners to be reading by the time they left. Years ago we were not expecting that Kindergartners were writing all of their letters and numbers properly. Years ago Kindergartners were not learning to add and subtract. Years ago Kindergartners were learning their letters in Kindergarten. Years ago Kindergartners were socializing in Kindergarten. Kindergarten was preschool. Now we expect 4 and 5 year old children to sit still for 120 minutes of language arts, 60 minutes of math, 30 minutes of science, 30 minutes of social studies, with only 30 minutes for art, music, physical education, 40 minutes for lunch and 40 minutes of snack/recess time. Seriously? Really? This doesn't sound like Kindergarten to me. And I know, broken down like that it sounds worse than it really is. I'm sure the learning is interactive and can be considered play. But does it sound like fun to you? I remember Kindergarten as a fun place. I remember it as a place I started a lifetime of learning to LOVE learning. This sounds like an education testing factory to me.

Everything I have learned about early childhood education has taught me that young children learn best by doing, playing, observing and discussing. Not from worksheets. I have a friend who is a mom of a Kindergartner, her son comes home with a packet of 20 worksheets for homework every month. He is required to write the letter or number on the worksheet 50 times. Wow, that sounds fun and engaging. That sounds like a great way to stifle all of the love for learning right out of a 5 year old.

You know what really pushed me over the edge last night? When one of the teachers said that even now, with 24 student, she spends more time with the kids that really need it, the kids that are behind (behind in Kindergarten mind you) and that the kids that are doing well, have to do so more on their own. Yikes. I DO. NOT. LIKE. THE. SOUND. OF. THAT! Not at all.

So now I am ~~freaking out~~ really stressing.

I love my children, I love being with them. But I think they need to take direction and learn from other adults. I also think I might not have the required patience to teach Kindergarten. I also believe that separation is a good thing.

In a perfect world? I'd find a couple of like minded families, hire a teacher, share the costs and our homes, and my boys would get the best possible education. They would be constantly challenged, without feeling pressured. They would have one on one attention everyday. They would be exposed to anything and everything. They would develop a zeal and true love of learning. Oh, and I wouldn't be the only adult in the room!

March for Babies 2010

2010-02-21T14:00:00.000-08:00

On April 10, 2010, our family will once again be walking in the March of Dimes, March for Babies. That's four years and three days after our twins Ryan and Evan were born.

Ryan and Evan were born at 26 weeks and 2 days. 13 weeks and 5 days too early. Just 2 days into our third trimester.

When they were born we were told they would not make it. We were told to have a conversation and decide what kind of life saving measures they should take. We were told that it was only a matter of time. In spite of two doses of steroids to help their lung development, they were not responding to treatment. They were not behaving like typical 26 weekers, more like 24 weekers. There was little hope.

We sobbed. We cried. We held each other. We never had THAT conversation. Instead, we dried our tears, and went down to see our babies. We sat by our babies, we put our mouths into the portholes and begged our babies to fight. We told them how much we loved them, how we had fought to have them in our lives, and now it was their turn to fight to stay. Every day for weeks and weeks, all we could do was look at them and talk to them.

We learned to change their tiny, tiny diapers, because that allowed us to be able to touch them. For the first four, and five weeks the only physical contact we had with our children was while we were doing care on them. Changing diapers, taking temperatures, holding them down while procedures were being done to them. Blood draws, spinal taps, new IV placements, all these horrible things done to our children, allowed us a few minutes of contact with our fragile babies.

We spent the next five months living and breathing in the NICU. Everyday we walked in though those doors never knowing what we would find. I always held my breath until I saw that the space in front of my babies beds was clear. Clear of doctors, nurses, respiratory therapists hovering. Clear of X-ray machines, or ultrasound machines. A clear view of those incubators meant all was okay for now. Not a clear view, I held my breath until I nearly passed out.

Still, almost 4 years later, the thoughts of those days, makes me pause and hold my breath for a few moments. We were *this* close to loosing our precious babies.

Thanks to the countless staff members of the NICU, many of whom are now like family to us, our boys are active, healthy, nearly four year old boys, with almost no signs of their terribly difficult start in life.

Our children are still here because of the Doctors, Nurses, Respiratory Therapists, Pharmacists at the NICU, and because of the March of Dimes. Medications and research funded by the March of Dimes allowed our Doctors to keep our babies alive. Let me say that again for emphasis...It is because of generous donations to the March of Dimes, because the March of Dimes' mission is to prevent infant mortality, birth defects, and PREMATURITY, Ryan and Evan are alive today.

Please join us in supporting the March of Dimes efforts to make sure no other family has to go through what we did, or worse. We will be walking in Encinitas this year (it's a shorter walk for our boys) on April 10, 2010 at 9:00AM.

Please sign up to walk with us at http://www.marchforbabies.org/OstremFamily2009 . Every registered walker means a donation for our local March of Dimes chapter. You do not need to fund raise in order to walk. (but if you can it is a double bonus!) Register yourselves (and your children), join us for a brief morning walk though one of the most beautiful cities in San Diego.

If you cannot walk with us, please consider making a donation at http://www.marchforbabies.org/OstremFamily2009.
If you are more comfortable sending your donation by check, please make them payable to The March of Dimes, March for Babies and I will make sure they are received at the walk.

Scott, Ryan, Evan and I thank you for your generous support.

New Beginnings. They grow up way too fast.

2010-02-16T21:04:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting here tonight waiting for a phone call.

My Brother and Sister-in Law are at the hospital. Mary is 41 weeks pregnant. At her doctors appointment this morning, her doctor decided it was time for this baby to come out so, at 5:15 Mary began the process of being induced.

Before I knew that this little one would be making his/her arrival in the next day or so, I was reflecting. I took the boys to the park today. A park we have been going to since they were little. We call it bulldozer park because there is a climbing structure that looks like a bulldozer. The boys love to come here. I liked it when they were little because there were two baby swings side by side, a couple of small climbing structures and a wall of things that made tones. OH, yes and the gate that spanned three sides of the park.

When they were little, my biggest struggle with parks was keeping track of both boys, I spent a lot of time just risk assessing. Who was in the most peril at the moment? Where was I needed most?

Today, I watched as my babies, did things that a few short years ago would have had me in a panic. I watched Ryan climb high, really high, on this rope spider web, that only a few months ago, we'd only go to the middle of. When I say really high, I mean my hands over my head and I could barely reach his feet, if I stood on the first rope. Evan was not far behind him.

Today, Evan climbed this "ladder" thing, that arches? The steps are really far apart and as recently as two weeks ago he needed help. Not today. He jumped up and down and screamed a little happy scream as he reached the top unassisted.

Yesterday, Ryan decided he was going to join a soccer game being played by some older kids. He just ran right over and started taking passes, and dribbling the ball. These kids were 3 or 4 years older than him and he just didn't care. He. Was. Going. To. Play. And he did.

Yesterday the boys were playing with their friends Dylan and Tyler. They were playing like BOYS. Not little babies, BOYS. Running around, tackling, dog piling, laughing. BOYS.

Two days ago after watching about 5 minutes of Olympic Luge. Ryan promptly lay down on his "skateboard" and went lugeing around the house. Evan and Snoopy also took runs. His ability to transfer ideas/visuals and incorporate them into his everyday, scares me. (I have not shown him snowboard cross, I'm afraid, very afraid.)

My little "Top Chef's" have turned food preparation in to twenty (thousand) questions. Their love of being in the kitchen is well known, and I try to let them make things as often as I can, but apparently that is not enough. Now, for every meal, the boys want step by step instructions on how it was made. I feel like I am the host on a cooking show. I also expect that very soon they will be able to make their own meals and serve me!

It seems that everyday brings on more maturity. More things that highlight boyhood and push the babyhood into the past. I crushes me. It amazes me. I love this stage. I hate this stage. I love my boys. I miss my babies.

**It's 10 PM and they have not begun inducing. Some worries had them just monitoring. Should start soon.

****Edited: Rose (Rosie) Alma Born - 2.17.10 7:14 PM Weight - 8 lbs 13 oz. Length - 22 inches

Music Making

2010-02-11T15:01:00.000-08:00

It's museum month here in town. With a special card you pick up for free at Macy's, you can get into a number of museums for half price. Because of this pass, I found out about a little museum called the Museum of Music Making. If you know my boys, you know that this is right up their alley.

We went on Wednesday. It's a small place packed with instruments through out the ages. It had kiosks that played samplings of music from different eras. And, it had a room FULL of instruments. Guitars, banjo, drum sets, an organ, an electric piano, a purple thing called a Hapi, a lap steel, a ukulele, Moog guitar, a strum stick, a cool electric drum like instrument that you slap with your hands, basically every kids dream place. Most had headphones so they can bang away without disturbing the rest of the banging kids.

I forgot my flip and my camera, I did have my cell phone, but I cannot figure out how to get them off so, unless I do, my descriptions will have to do.

Evan is a little John Bonham. He LOVED the electronic drum kits, and has now asked for one for his birthday. LOVED. He sat and banged on either of the two kits for an hour. He did dabble with the "Heavy Red Guitar" but he, my child that has ants in his pants, played drums for an HOUR. Headphones on, drumsticks in hand, banging away, grin firmly planted on his face.

Ryan on the other hand, found the organ and the electronic piano. He sat bopping his head from left to right, up and down, playing keys, and singing. He made up several songs, which I'm sorry I cannot remember, and sat happy as a little singer songwriter can be. He wants an organ for his birthday, but he might have to settle.

I'm really thankful for museum week because it gave us a great opportunity to go to a place we had never heard of before. The boys had an enriching experience, and I, well I had a good laugh.

Aquatic trainers in training.

2010-02-05T16:11:00.000-08:00

I cannot adequately describe the chaos here right now. I just had to get it down before I got busy making dinner and forgot all about how much these boys make me laugh.

Ryan is sitting on Evan's back. Evan is Shamu, and Ryan is a trainer. I am also a trainer and must put imaginary fish into Evan's mouth as he completes his tricks.

Then Ryan takes a turn as the whale. He "swims" out, does some trick like jumps in the air, or does a flip, or splashes, and he returns to me for a fish.

We spent the better part of an hour today watching the Killer Whales train today, can you tell?

He's a normal kid.

2010-02-02T21:10:00.001-08:00

I've been asked to speak to a group of parents who have kids with eating issues. You know, since I've been there and back. I have more than a month to think about what to say, but for some reason I'm already at a loss for words.

It's not like we came up with the "cure", it's not like anyone could replicate what we did to finally get Evan to eat. So much of me believes that it was just Evan FINALLY deciding it was time, I don't want to tell these parents that. Some of these people have it even worse than we did. I want to offer them hope.

Hope that one day their kids will say to them, "this is yummy!" or "I like this dinner" or "More please". Each time in the last few weeks that these words came out of Evan's food stuffed mouth, I've felt such elation, and such relief.

And then we have those days. Days when Evan won't eat anything. And the worry and the doubt creep back in. Uh, oh, what's wrong? Is he slipping? Are we going to have to start OT again? Sometimes I have to kick myself to remember that regular kids do that. They just don't eat, and then they suddenly eat everything in sight. I have to REMIND myself that I have to think of Evan as a regular kid.

And then he will shock me by eating twice as much as his brother, and being super adventurous. (for a kid) He tries anything. He eats slower than a snake digests a meal, but he is eating. I have to remind myself of that little fact.

I have to remember that only a few months ago, he would only eat baby food, and now he eats, or doesn't eat, what ever I am serving. Just like a normal kid. (it makes me giggle a little just to type that!)

Funny People

2010-01-27T20:36:00.000-08:00

Ryan has been cracking me up lately, well, actually, both boys are hysterical.

Today I was singing a few lines from the Animals' song "We've Gotta Get Out of This Place" I think it came to mind because Ryan said something about needing to get outta his chair. So I started singing, and as I am apt to do, I started changing lyrics around to fit our situation.

I sang:
We've gotta get out of this place,
if it's the last thing we ever do.
Evan finish all of your lunch,
then we can all go to bed.

And then Ryan added:

We are so tired we can't
stand on our head.

Wow! Really? He sang it in the same tune as the previous lines, and he made a rhyme?

The other night I asked Scott if he had brushed Evan's teeth, and he replied no. I sighed.
Evan quickly responded with:
"Scott! Come here and brush my teeth!"

If I remembered everything these two say that have me laughing my behind off, I'd never be at a loss for post materials!

A Mash-up of thoughts from the week.

2010-01-23T15:00:00.000-08:00

I've been composing posts in my mind all week, and well, I just haven't been able to put them down. It could be all the rain. Having little kids when the sky is opening up and dumping, inches and inches of rain everyday can be draining. Ryan looked out the window the other night and said, "Mommy, your Croc looks like a boat."

One of the highlights of my week occurred while walking hand and hand with the boys, we were on our way to the car, and I thought out loud. "oh, my, it is a very blustery day!" Ever quick with the reply, Ryan said to me, "Why yes it is Piglet." I have no idea the last time I read that story to the boys but Ryan seems to remember everything. He also spent the rest of the day calling me Piglet, Evan Tigger, and Scott Eeyore.

We've been reading The Hobbit, and the other day I over heard Ryan call Evan "My Precious"

On Friday we went to the Opthamologist for yet another check up. Because of the boys ROP we have been going to the Opthamologist since the boys were released from the NICU. Our last visit a couple of months ago we were told to start patching Ryan's right eye, for two hours a day. The news this visit was that his eyes have improved, and the patching is working.

I totally forgot why I was mentioning the Eye Doctor...But, since we now see our Opthamologist at the hospital instead of the clinic, (it's a day of the week thing) we found ourselves down in Hillcrest, at lunchtime.

During the time the boys were in the hospital we became very intimately familiar with all of the places to eat around the hospital. During the week I ate mostly in the cafeteria or at the Bean Shack across the street. I could get there fast, eat quickly and be back bed side in less than twenty minutes. On the weekends, Scott and I would venture out a little farther. Back in the day, Phil's was nearby and we would go there or we would go to Bronx Pizza.

Friday the boys and I went to Bronx Pizza. And I was reminded that sometimes people can surprise you. Ryan and Evan ate their pizza and then I started taking turns holding up the boys so they could watch the "pizza guys" make the the pizzas and throw them into the air. Then, in the middle of lunch rush, one of the guys started introducing everyone to Ryan and Evan, then, Manny brought over a half thrown crust over for the boys to try stretching, Evan got a little shy and only briefly touched the dough, but Ryan, my little Top Chef, took it and started playing with it. Out we walked to the car with a huge circle of dough draped across his two little hands. (and if you've ever tried to get a kid into a car seat while he's holding a pizza crust, well, lets just say, not for an amateur.)

And here is where I become a crazy person. At four o'clock I decided that we HAD to have a fresh loaf of bread to go with our pasta. While I whipped up dinner, and a loaf of bread, the boys did this with their pizza crust.

When they were done, they looked like this. Seriously, Manny did not look like this.

I'm also pretty certain that Manny wasn't having as much fun as these two. They were laughing and pretending to be Tony the pizza guy (from Curious George). There was dough flying everywhere. There was flour, well, you can see, all over.

Dinner was a wee bit later than usual, but I was really pleased with myself. Instead of discouraging the dough playing, because it was almost dinnertime. I just went with it, and they played and were so happy for more than an hour. Yes, I had to clean up a ton of flour before I could serve dinner, and yes, I'm sure there are dough pieces being ground into my rug, but the boys had a great time.

Those guys at Bronx Pizza, thanks, my boys had a great time, and it really didn't cost you much but a little time and dough. Now instead of asking to go to Pizza Port, they want to go to Bronx Pizza! (Great PR guys!) Ryan has also told me that when he "gets bigger he wants to make pizza dough all by himself."

Oh, and finally, I thought this was too adorable for words.

Oh, and how could I have almost forgotten this momentous event. Right after dinner on Friday Ryan told me he had to go potty. He sat down and nothing came out, I asked him if he had to poop and he denied in a way that made me keep him there. Sure enough a couple of seconds later! Poop! In the Potty! And, theoretically, he did say he had to go even if he didn't go right away, there was some awareness there right? Means something right? Just humor me here. Please.

Potty Training, part -oh heck I've lost count.

2010-01-18T17:27:00.000-08:00

So, I've been peer pressured into trying underwear with the boys. My friend Lindsay has had her boys in underwear for a little bit and she has seen a great improvement on the old potty training front.

As we are nearly four, and still show no interest in taking ourselves, or even acknowledging the fact that we have to use the restroom, I decided, what the heck.

Let me get something clear before I go on. The boys wake up dry overnight. They wake up dry from naps. They do not generally go in their pants at school. They will go to the bathroom if I put them there. They have great bladder control, they are ready to be TOTALLY potty trained.
They each REFUSE to tell me they have to use the bathroom.

The last couple of days we have been experimenting with underwear. Yesterday was good. They both wore undies all day, and only had one accident each. POOP. Yep, stayed dry, but poop is a totally different story. No one told me they had to pee, but they stayed dry. Both boys told me AFTER that they had gone poop. (and they were clearly uncomfortable with that development)

Today, I woke up and felt brave again. Although we were going to run some errands, and we ALL know my aversion to public restrooms, I covered up those cute little bums (and golly they are cute in undies) with underwear for our few quick errands.

We needed to go to Target (for a potty seat to possibly help with the going on their own aspect of this potty training thing)

We had to stop at Blockbuster (because I NEEDed the next disc in Season Three of Battlestar Galactica)

And we had to go to the store (because I NEEDed to get some yummy ingredients to put in to bread. I would have done a Baking 101, part III however I've managed to eat nearly all of two loaves of bread that I baked YESTERDAY morning, and I didn't take any pictures. BTW, Ryan insisted on helping me and he did an amazing job pouring stuff into the mixer, and punching down the dough. He ALSO helped wash the dishes!)

We left the house at 9:30. Both boys went to the bathroom BEFORE we left. We also had a very serious discussion about wearing underwear and how it was VERY, VERY important that they let me know if they had to go potty BEFORE they went in their pants. And I suppose I should have thought this through better considering I did not have a change of clothes with me...oops, won't do that again.

First stop Target. We made it though there fairly quickly and then went on to Blockbuster. It was meant to be a run in, pick up DVD, (I know exactly were it is) and leave. Just as we get to the TV aisle, and I bend down to get that coveted DVD, Evan says "I have to go potty!" Uh, oh.
Drop movie. Run to the bathroom to find it locked. Run (dragging both boys behind) to the front counter, care not that there is a line and shout. "Is there a key to the restroom?!?!?!?!) Run, nearly trample Blockbuster employee, who to her credit was moving very quickly, as I said to Evan, "Don't go yet, hold it honey, please do not go pee pee yet." (you think is was in her own self interest? yeah, me too. Only thing worse than cleaning up your kid's pee all over the floor is cleaning up some strangers kid's pee.) Evan makes it, and Ryan is forced into a since we are here pee. He complies.

Well, since we have both just gone to the bathroom, and I'm feeling good about the fact that Evan TOLD ME HE HAD TO GO to the bathroom, when Ryan suggests we go to the pet store and pet the bunnies, lorikeets and fishes, I say sure! (They are actually parakeets, but we've been to the Wild Animal Park lots) After a maybe fifteen minute stop at the pet store I decide we should walk the fairly short distance to the store. The skies hadn't opened up completely, and it would be really good for the boys to walk around more considering the rain coming.

We get to Vons, which is not my home store, and start to look for the few things I need to make more bread. (Fresh garlic, rosemary, sun dried tomatoes, and some salad fixings for my lunch today) I had lettuce, tomatoes, rosemary, and garlic in my bag when I heard from Ryan "I have to go pee pee!!!) Now, I was inclined not to believe him since he had just gone less that 30 minutes ago, and I suspected that he wanted to get a special prize for telling me he had to go pee pee. BUT, a mom of a potty training child NEVER, NEVER should choose not to believe their child. I found a guy working in the produce department and asked "Where is the restroom?!?!?!?!" "oh" he replied, "it is all the way in the front of the store, in the far corner."

He may have caught the "thank you" I shouted as once again I ran dragging my two kids, (I swear their feet might have been off the ground a couple of times like in the cartoons) to the farthest corner of the store. I placed Ryan on the potty for the second time in less than an hour, and whew, he did have to go again.

We managed to get out of the store and home again before we had to stop at any more public restrooms.

The boys stayed dry again today, so, that is a plus. But if you see us out an about and I'm running, I'd suggest that you get out of our way, we are heading for that restroom in the far, far corner.

Believe what they tell you

2010-01-14T14:02:00.000-08:00

...those pediatricians, nutritionists, GI doctors, OTs, parents, in-laws, aunts, uncles, cousins, other parents, and perfect strangers.

Keep trying. Keep offering. It takes 20 tries.

Seriously? 20 tries? try 20,000 attempts.

Last week Ryan decided he wanted to eat some of my home made croutons. Of course I told him he had to eat salad to have croutons, and to my shock and surprise, he ate a whole bowl. The next day he asked if he could have salad, and although I had no croutons, he had two bowls.

Today I had some pepperoni in my salad (Italian chopped salad) and it happens to be one of Ryan's favorite things, he had already finished one bowl of salad and was attempting to snitch my pepperoni. I then suggested that he try some of the veggies I had in my salad. Ryan tried red and yellow peppers, avocado, cucumber, and tomatoes! He was a big fan of the peppers! Shocking since just last night he would not eat the red peppers in his fajitas. Evan also got into the act, and ate a three or four rounds of cucumbers.

All that vegetable eating lead to Ryan saying : "From now on, I love vegetables."

Did you hear that? That was me doing a happy dance, screaming from the table top!

Baking 101, part II

2010-01-12T20:17:00.001-08:00

A while back, my friend Lindsay suggested that we take a cooking class one day, just for fun and some Mommy time. I agreed without hesitation. After many e-mails we found a class that we were interested in and that fit into our busy schedules (and those busy schedules of our husbands too).

BREAD.

Need I say more?

So Saturday, Lindsay and I had a nice relaxing lunch, no kids, and spent three hours watching, learning and tasting bread. No kids. (oh and I found clearance Christmas M&M's for $.39 *score*)

We learned techniques for pizza dough, potato rolls, olive tapanade bread, and a yeasted German almond bread.

I enjoyed the class. Maybe a little too much.

Scott came home from work yesterday and asked me if we were opening a bakery. I went to CostCo and came home with 25 pounds of bread flour. (shrugs)

I'm planning on bringing a dessert to Bunco on Thursday (usually it is brownies) so I decided to try making the yeasted German Almond Bread. Let me just say on Saturday, by far, my favorite bread. Sweet, almond-y, yum. Because I would NEVER want to try out a new recipe on the day I have to take it, I decided that today would be a great day to do a test batch. or two. or three.

My first batch, the yeast didn't rise too much. I felt like it was wrong right away so I started a second batch almost immediately.

Because our house is on the cold size I had some trouble with the rising part of this whole bread making adventure. It just takes a bit more time. After I picked up the boys from school and the bread had been rising for 45 minutes or so I knew that the first batch was not quite right. The second had already grown in size. It was at this moment that I decided to mix up a third batch, since I still had everything out, and put it in the refrigerator to be proofed and baked on Thursday when I need it. (I think I might even bake it there so it is nice and gooey fresh out of the oven.)

I began this bread making adventure at about ten this morning, and by five I had two pans of yummy goodness. One, a little more dense, and the other fluffy and light. Both tasting delicious.

You can tell,

they were both pretty good, because I could not stop eating them. I'm pretty sure I just ate my weight in Yeasted German Almond Bread. Or at the very least ate enough to negate the 90 minutes of Bikram Yoga I did this morning at SIX AM!!! (sigh)

(Damn, I couldn't even get through writing this post without having another piece. This stuff is deadly good)

And now I have to go find some bread to make tomorrow.

Baking 101

2010-01-11T08:58:00.000-08:00

Sunday morning, even before we could get out of jammies, we had to bake. The boys really wanted to make/eat cranberry oatmeal cookies on Saturday. I'm not really sure how it came up but it had to do something with a trip they took to Bass Pro Shops with Daddy.

So late Saturday night I looked for Grammie's famous recipe for Cranberry Oatmeal cookies, and alas, I could not find it anywhere. I sent her an e-mail but she was in Colorado and had limited internet access, so...we had to improvise. (TGFTI)

Thanks to MY activities on Saturday (more on that later) we had a handy new cookie scoop to try. It was a pretty big success. For the most part Ryan really got the hang of it quickly. Evan by the end was scooping like a pro.

These cookies were more "breakfast bar" in texture and hearty-ness. I love them. Very little sugar, very little fat, whole wheat flour. The boys, were a little less enthusiastic. Oh there's nothing like Grammie's *cranberry* oatmeal cookies!

A boy and his...

2010-01-08T17:54:00.000-08:00

Cacti????

Earlier in the week the boys and I went to the Aquarium on our way out from this spot Evan started screaming CACTIIIIIII!!!!!

Doy you see it? Me either. Where Evan, where do you see a Cactus?

"There" he said emphatically, pointing.

I walked closer. See it yet?

Nope? Me either.

It wasn't until about here, when I saw what my eagle, cactus eyed child spotted all the way...

back there...

It's still pretty hard to see in these pictures (sorry) but there is a cactus right there in the middle of this picture.

Keep looking, it is there. And, if Evan ever yells "CACTI!!!" you would be wise to believe him, and keep looking until *you* see it.

Neglect

2010-01-07T20:00:00.000-08:00

Yes, I've been neglecting my blog, and yes, I have excuses...

This post holiday haze has me struggling to just keep up with my everyday.

The boys have been especially needy.

I started Bikram Yoga.

and the biggest reason...

a little obsession with Battlestar Galactica.

Why was I so stubborn and set in the 1970's? How could I have refused to watch this show just out of an odd loyalty to Dirk Benedict, Richard Hatch and Lorne Greene?

The good news is that we only have 2.5 seasons left to finish.

A little (okay, not so little video) of Christmas morning...

2009-12-28T22:56:00.000-08:00

Please, only watch if you have nothing better to do, or if you are required to love us by blood or marriage.

I hope to get some detailed posts up after I get back home.

All Aboard....! (ha,ha,ha,ha)

2009-12-23T11:28:00.001-08:00

"I'm going off the rails on a Crazy Train..."

Okay, not really what I intended to post, but it got away from me and I couldn't help myself.

A-N-Y Way, we are really excited around here.

This morning Ryan created this little song. I think the title is a natural fit. What do you think?

"All aboard the Christmas Train" By Ryan

Yeah, just a little excited. (this was 6:30 this morning, yeah, they wake up that way!)

School Photos 1.0

2009-12-17T18:02:00.000-08:00

Last week we had the much anticipated picture day at school. Our first ever. Our first of many.

As I opened the envelope I breathed a sigh of relief as I saw these smiling faces. Yes, Evan looks a bit more like a grimace, but hey, it can be interpreted as a smile.

I laughed so hard at the class photo. I've cut out all of the other kids, just in case their parents don't want their kids faces all over the internet. I commend the photographer for getting all the kids smiling (sort of) and all looking at the camera!

Ryan, I think is the only kid that wasn't smiling. Oh, Ryan, why so serious? Evan I think is mid-"cheese". I giggle just picturing the scene in the room with all of those 3 year old kids. Ha, glad it wasn't me!

Just when you think you couldn't love your kids anymore...

2009-12-11T18:06:00.000-08:00

they shock you back to your senses.

Just kidding.

Today Ryan almost made me cry. (could be the PMS)

We went to CostCo to pick up a few things we were in dire need of to the tune of way more than I expected.

When we got home, I left the gates to the hallway and the kitchen open to facilitate shuttling all the ~~junk~~ staples from the car to the kitchen. I had one box in, and started putting away all of the perishables, leaving the second box in the hallway.

All of a sudden I hear some grunting and heavy breathing, and I look up just in time to hear Ryan say " Look Mama, I'm helping!"

Ryan had gone out to the hallway, pushed, pulled and drug the second box of ~~junk~~ purchases from the hall to the kitchen. He then proceeded to hand me each item for me to put away. He then took the big box out of the living room and back out in to the hallway.

He ran through the room, flashed me a smile and said "I HELPED!, I'm a Helper!"

Commence tears, praise, and hugs.

I got out partied by my 80 year old mom

2009-12-08T14:40:00.000-08:00

Vegas was really fun. I did a very poor job of documenting this momentous occasion. Thankfully my cousins did take some pictures, and hopefully I will get some of them soon.

We decided to rent a car to fit all six of us comfortably. We got this really cool car I'd never seen before called the Ford Flex. Totally recommend it for large groups. It was low enough to the ground that my 80 year old Mom could get in and out with no assistance. It was spacious enough that six women and their luggage all fit comfortably for a long drive.

My Oceanside cousins and I left San Diego at about 10:30 and arrived to pick up my Mom and my cousin from LA around lunchtime. We had a quick lunch and hit the long road to Vegas.

Six women, and their luggage, in a Ford Flex. Check one out if you've never seen it. (I hadn't) It was super roomy and we were able to fit Six women and their luggage comfortably for five hours!

I did remember my camera, and took some pictures at the Bellagio, they decorate The Conservatory every year for the holidays and it was really amazing to see.

This is not part of the Holiday display, but it is the largest chocolate fountain, and it made me wish I had a strawberry or marshmallow to dip.

I got almost all of the group, except one cousin, and um, me...

Masako and my Mom

Kimi and Kathy

My Mom and a polar bear

So the first night we arrived, I was dead on my feet at 10. I was standing on the casino floor, somewhere, I cannot even remember the hotel, and I nearly fell asleep. My 80 year old mom? going strong. My 62 year old cousin, raring to go. My 59 year old cousin? Not stopping anytime soon. My 59 year old cousin and her 23 year old daughter? shopping like there was no tomorrow. Seriously, when did I get so old that I can't keep up with the old folks? (sorry guys, no offense)

The next day, I had to nap. Granted, I didn't get ANY sleep. I'm not a good sleeper to begin with, but, new bed, new roomies, snoring to the left of me and snoring to the right of me, left me sleepless.

We took my Mom out to a special dinner, I made a cake and brought it with us, so we were all full and sugared up, but I still was in need of bed by eleven. My mom and two of my cousins were out until TWO AM!!!! TWO. TWO O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING!

It was a long drive home, most everyone, except me, the driver, napped. That made me feel a little better, but seriously, there is talk of making this an annual trip, I'm going to need to train or something.

Viva Las Vegas!

2009-12-03T20:44:00.000-08:00

I'm tired today. It's been a busy day.

5:30 AM Child of Mine wakes me up. He's still asleep, crying out in said sleep.
6:15 AM I am still awake and Child of Mine is now awake too.
6:30 AM Other Child of Mine is awake
6:45 AM Breakfast is served.
7:30 AM Dress two Children for School.
8:15 AM Rush out door to get to school.
8:30 AM Beg for hugs and kisses as Children rush in to their class to see what today's activities are to be.
8:30 AM Run to Von's and beg the bakery guy to sell me a cake board and container, because I forgot to get one while I was at Michael's on Wed. (One of two things I wanted to get there, but forgot because well, I had the kids with me.)
8:50 AM Run back to school to help with the packaging of baskets for Women's Dessert Night next week.
11:30 AM Pick up kids from classroom down stairs.
11:45 AM Make lunch for the darlings.
12:00 PM Eat lunch with kids.
12:45 PM Kids in bed for naps. Clean up from lunch.
1:00 PM Begin to fold MOUNTAIN of laundry.
1:45 PM Evan wakes up to go pee-pee. (yea! progress in the PT arena)
2:00 PM Evan wakes up hysterical because his tent has done some crazy thing and is no longer on his bed.
3:30 PM Finish putting laundry away, Ryan wakes up.
3:45 PM Ryan helps me put away his clothes.
4:00 PM Ryan "helps" me pack for the weekend.
4:30 PM Ryan comes with me to the garage to get meat out of the freezer for tonight's tacos. (yeah, I forgot it earlier, that's what the microwave is for)
4:32 PM Start defrosting meat in microwave.
4:40 PM Evan wakes up from his nap.
4:41 PM Ryan stops following me around and begins harassing his brother.
5:15 PM Dinner for the boys and me.
5:30 PM Boys finish dinner while I start making frosting for the cake I am taking to Vegas.

(Tomorrow I leave for Vegas. My Mom turns 80 on the 14th and some of my cousins and are are taking the old gal to Vegas. My Mom and Dad loved to go to Vegas. It must be something in the blood because my whole family likes to gamble...being adopted, I totally missed that marker on my DNA, I don't like to gamble, because I don't like to lose.) (Happy Birthday Jamie, I know you are not 80, but I hope your day is special too!)

6:00 PM Evan still has not finished eating, and I have frosted and decorated cake for Vegas.
6:30 PM Get boys in jammies.
6:50 PM Scott calls to say he has not left office yet.
6:51 PM Crying begins, the boys are crying too.
7:00 PM Snacks eaten, teeth brushed, cuddling and reading begins.
7:21 PM Reading finished, boys going to sleep, I finally get a shower for the day.
7:25 PM Scott comes home and starts working again.
7:30-8:00 PM Ryan still restless, cut his nails because he tells me he is "so disappointed, because he is scratching." Sync iPod, upload picture to iPhoto, clean off SD cards for camera.
8:05 PM finally relaxing on couch with Kings game and computer, avoiding Christmas cards.

But hey, tomorrow I leave for Vegas.

Whew, what a month!

2009-12-01T14:33:00.000-08:00

So, you may have noticed my flurry of postings in the last month. Quite a change from one post a month if I'm lucky. I decided in late October to try to unofficially try NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month) I also decided to keep it a secret, because if I failed, only I would know.

Yeaaaa!!! I did it. One post a day for thirty days! It was not easy. Not all of the posts were post worthy. Not all of them were well composed. But that's not the point. The point is to do it! Get in a groove and stay in the groove.

So, now where do we go from here? I'm going to try to be more regular about posting. I did rediscover how much I love my blog. NaBloPoMo got me Sharing some of the stuff the kids say and do, while it is fresh in my mind, instead of what usually happens. I forget.

Speaking of which, tonight Ryan said to me, "Mommy, I love you so much. You are Sooooo cute!!!!!"

Oh, and Evan just may be a musical prodigy. He heard four bars of a song last night and told me "We saw this song on the computer!" I asked Scott, he listened, for far more than four bars, then a light went on and he said, "um, yeah, ONCE! like a month ago!"

I'm very glad it's December...I won't be posting everyday in December, I HAVE to get the Christmas cards in the mail!!!!